I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
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16-02-2015, 03:25 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
Thank you.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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17-02-2015, 03:09 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
Lotsa solid advice in this thread, so I won't elaborate on some of your post as planned. Sorry it's tough, I know the feeling.

I'll be honest, your post speaks to my deep dark fears and terrifies the shit out of me. Unsure I'm afraid when I'm ready to start dating the men with their heads on their shoulders are going to see my "resume" and assume I'm messed up from all the baggage or just trying to find a dad for my son and go running for the hills. Blush

As far as a LDR, I don't know how people make them work long term and feel fulfilled without plans to eventually be together...as in physically present. Missing out on cuddling on the couch, cooking together in the kitchen, pillow talk, just plain ol daily life as a couple. Most people, myself included, need physical contact and intimacy - would be torture not to be with the person who has your heart. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...until all you are is distant. Am I making sense? Maybe I'm just rambling.

*sigh* Now I need a glass of wine.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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17-02-2015, 04:41 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
I'm 30s and I'm not jaded Smile Gotta be plenty of ladies too who're not jaded. You just gotta find the one for you.

Online sucks as a way to meet people IMO though. Online dating sites - it's kinda... I dunno. Either the pressure gets to people or I don't quite know what happens but it's never worked for me.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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17-02-2015, 08:14 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
I have to admit I don't quite understand the hate on someone looking for a partner to help raise their kid.

Seems like a responsible single parent would put their kid first when incorporating someone into the family.

You better believe if I was ever in that position...how that person feels about my kid and how they treat my kid will be the biggest deal breaker.

But off that topic. I agree with what a bunch of others here have said. Going and looking for love never seems to get you there. Just continue doing the things you enjoy and being happy. Someone out there will find that irresistible.
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17-02-2015, 08:42 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(17-02-2015 03:09 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Lotsa solid advice in this thread, so I won't elaborate on some of your post as planned. Sorry it's tough, I know the feeling.

I'll be honest, your post speaks to my deep dark fears and terrifies the shit out of me. Unsure I'm afraid when I'm ready to start dating the men with their heads on their shoulders are going to see my "resume" and assume I'm messed up from all the baggage or just trying to find a dad for my son and go running for the hills. Blush

As far as a LDR, I don't know how people make them work long term and feel fulfilled without plans to eventually be together...as in physically present. Missing out on cuddling on the couch, cooking together in the kitchen, pillow talk, just plain ol daily life as a couple. Most people, myself included, need physical contact and intimacy - would be torture not to be with the person who has your heart. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...until all you are is distant. Am I making sense? Maybe I'm just rambling.

*sigh* Now I need a glass of wine.

Well, as far as my LDR goes, there are plans to be together very soon and that definitely helps to have an end-goal in mind. Without that, it'd be even more difficult. It *is* hard being so far from the person you love, but I think the fact that we've never been together in the same physical space makes it somehow easier. I don't know what his touch is like so technically I can't really miss it. I can imagine it, and I want it very much, but it is not as if I've had it and then lost it. Now, if one's LDR consisted of living apart indefinitely with only the occasional meet-up, I think that would be very difficult.

Again, not for everyone, just as meeting online isn't for everyone, but I for one am happier in my LDR than I was with the "man" who was physically present with me for over 10 years. YMMV Big Grin

I think it uh, takes a certain mix of idealism and masochism to go for this kind of relationship and well, I haz both. Hobo Tongue

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17-02-2015, 08:46 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
My LDR certainly ended up going well for me. Like i said before I wasn't looking and I stumbled across the greatest guy Ive ever known. Big Grin
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17-02-2015, 08:47 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(17-02-2015 08:46 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  My LDR certainly ended up going well for me. Like i said before I wasn't looking and I stumbled across the greatest guy Ive ever known. Big Grin

Rev is still very much Near-agnostic, you know. Tongue

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17-02-2015, 08:36 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(15-02-2015 08:45 PM)Logisch Wrote:  I find dating to be frustrating at my age. I enjoy being single. This is the first time in my life I've really had a chance to fully explore to a huge degree on the hobbies I have on my own. I have all the time in the world to enjoy myself. I'm self sufficient, I'm independent, I've got my shit straight when it comes to my occupation and future. Things have just been straight up amazing.

However, from time to time the opportunity has come up to go on some dates and meet girls my age, or close to it. I'm comfortable with it, so I think, "Hey why not, let's see how it goes."

In the end... they've ended up being full of shit, flaky or just outright messed up. I've never been the type who goes out to hook up or just to looking for a good time. I don't feel like it's really all that stimulating and intimacy is one of those things that I enjoy more with someone I'm close with. I guess I sort of feel that it comes with mutual respect and understanding and some time.

I think though, that a few other members kind of nailed it in another thread when they said, "Dude, I think it's where you live." I live in a small town. Roughly 30,000 people. It does tend to be pretty religious, and like minded people are pretty hard to come by.

I tried the online dating thing, and thus far, it's only ended up with frustration. People claim to be one thing, and end up being another. Or they say they had fun, and say they want to go on another date, and then drop off the face of the planet, or make up ridiculous lies to avoid the situation. It's like, "Dude, if you're not interested, just say so. It's not going to hurt my feelings." I'd much rather someone say they aren't interested, than beat around the bush and make shit up. I suppose though, people just hate confrontation. Even more odd to me is that people will say, "I'm a straight up and to the point kind of person." and I think, "Wow, that's pretty much the same for me. People who are brutally honest are kind of badass." and then they end up being the exact opposite.

More oddly than anything is that I find people my age to be..... just so.. jaded.... it's like they aren't willing to really get to know a person. They just expect someone to be xyz immediately with no chance to open up and then just toss the experience away. Or they're pessimistic and are unwilling to open up themselves. I guess to some degree, I can't blame them. I assume some have been treated like shit, probably lied to, cheated on, etc. So the older we get, the worse we get about going, "Yeah I've heard that before." from someone. I feel like it's frustrating though because I try to be optimistic and positive, but people are just so ugly and bitter inside. It's strange. It's like why even bother trying to go on a date if you're going to be a pessimist about it.

A while back me and a girl were pretty close and we both made it pretty clear that we weren't in a rush but had similar feelings. We spent a ton of time together. She randomly sort of stopped and ended up getting busy. I thought nothing of it till she mentioned she had "company" over ... for 2 weeks. Found out the company was a different guy and they're seeing each other. Part of me thinks, "Maybe I really suck ass at being assertive. Perhaps when I say I prefer to take things slow and be more friends first she felt like maybe I wasn't interested...." and regardless, at this point, I want nothing to do with her and feel a bit.... upset. I kind of feel like she wasn't totally upfront about me, and I know she understands how I felt, so I almost feel... disrespected, led on in a way. Even if her intentions weren't that. She's going through rough times, so instead of causing issues, I said nothing, and as she has not initiated conversation since, I've stopped initiating as well.

Part of me goes, "you know if I met someone far away that was a total badass, I'd straight up go for a LDR." but I feel like they'd have to be kind of a badass. I don't even know what that would look like. I mean do people even exist that are so badass that you can have a comfortable LDR? I have a friend who has an international boyfriend. They are an absolutely AMAZING couple. They see each other now and then, are perfectly comfortable with it, but I feel like those types of connections are.... rare. Really rare. How the hell do you even find that? Total luck, I guess.

Part of me wonders if it's even worth dating anymore. I'm actually pretty damn happy being single and doing my hobbies. But every once in a while I think, "you know it sure would be fun to share the journey." Perhaps that's body chemistry, or brain chemistry, or hormones, whatever it is. I'm not sure. But now and then it crops up and I think, "wouldn't that be fun?"

It's a weird age because I feel like women in their mid 30s see me as young and immature (even though I've probably had more life experiences and shit I've dealt with than most), and I see women in their mid 20s as people who haven't had enough life experience as well. So I suppose it's catch 22. People near my age don't seem to have their shit straight, or they have a shit ton of kids and want a new daddy for their kids, or have ulterior motives.

I also feel like it's so hard for me to actually express who I am and what I do because I don't want to attract the WRONG kind of people... if that makes sense. I almost feel like I'm afraid to say, "here is my hobbies, here is what I do for fun, and here is my life." because I feel like people will make the wrong assumptions. It kind of sucks ass.

I'm not really sure what to do, or what to think. I sort of just enjoy myself as much as I can and go, "Why the fuck do I have such a hard time meeting people I can get along with?"

My best friend from before my divorce went through a divorce the same time I did. He stopped talking to me, I don't even know why. He just up and stopped talking to me. I have suspicions as to why, but he won't tell me or speak to me. The rest of my friends have moved on.

My family has been pretty talkative and supportive, but they don't share any my views on relationships or world view, so I can't just go to them and say, "this is how I feel about xyz." they don't get it, they don't agree, they don't understand.

Am I crazy here? Is my perspective fucked up? Am I approaching this the wrong way? Is everyone else fucked up or am I the one who is all fucked up?

Did I choose this path of weird fuckery because of the lifestyle I've chosen? Did the goals I made and the sacrifices I've made lead me here? Is that just ... it?

I don't have people I can bounce this off of in person... this is why I come here.

*goes back to drinking wine and eating some fuckin' cheese




Don't even think about dating. Don't make that your objective.

Instead, you need friends, and you need female friends. You need to find places to go where you can simply meet people and make friends.

Making a friend with a girl is the most important thing you can do. As the friendship blossoms, so then does the mutual respect, trust, and eventually love.

When that happens, you've built a foundation, because there is no better mate for you other than the one who becomes your most beloved friend.

My wife is my best friend. I don't even need any other friends as long as I have her. I mean I have lots of people who want to be my close friend, but I really don't want anyone else.

I love my wife because I love her friendship, among other things.

Smile

How can anyone become an atheist when we are all born with no beliefs in the first place? We are atheists because we were born this way.
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17-02-2015, 08:54 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(17-02-2015 08:14 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I have to admit I don't quite understand the hate on someone looking for a partner to help raise their kid.

Seems like a responsible single parent would put their kid first when incorporating someone into the family.

You better believe if I was ever in that position...how that person feels about my kid and how they treat my kid will be the biggest deal breaker.

But off that topic. I agree with what a bunch of others here have said. Going and looking for love never seems to get you there. Just continue doing the things you enjoy and being happy. Someone out there will find that irresistible.

I apologize if my post came off that way. I'm not saying I have hate towards people looking for that. It's just not what I'm looking for. I've ran across a few that said nothing and eventually said something and then seemed frustrated that it wasn't what I was looking for, or were surprised I didn't want kids. Either way... agreed, lots of good advice in the thread. I appreciate the variety of perspectives. It's one thing I often really respect about this community is that you all are open, honest, up front, you don't try and blow smoke up my ass about stuff and just tell me how you all feel. I appreciate that. So thank you.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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17-02-2015, 08:57 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(17-02-2015 03:09 AM)Nurse Wrote:  Lotsa solid advice in this thread, so I won't elaborate on some of your post as planned. Sorry it's tough, I know the feeling.

I'll be honest, your post speaks to my deep dark fears and terrifies the shit out of me. Unsure I'm afraid when I'm ready to start dating the men with their heads on their shoulders are going to see my "resume" and assume I'm messed up from all the baggage or just trying to find a dad for my son and go running for the hills. Blush

As far as a LDR, I don't know how people make them work long term and feel fulfilled without plans to eventually be together...as in physically present. Missing out on cuddling on the couch, cooking together in the kitchen, pillow talk, just plain ol daily life as a couple. Most people, myself included, need physical contact and intimacy - would be torture not to be with the person who has your heart. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...until all you are is distant. Am I making sense? Maybe I'm just rambling.

*sigh* Now I need a glass of wine.

My last marriage was due to a LDR. We started friends, saw each other, dated LDR for a year, made plans to move in and were married nearly four years. I agree, closing the gap should be a plan, otherwise it's difficult to just be forever distant. Like I said, I feel like it'd have to be a pretty badass situation, and I don't know what that would look like. I guess I was just saying I try to remain open about things, instead of being closed/narrow minded about things.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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