I feel so lonely....
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25-09-2013, 10:34 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
Sorry to hear you're having these problems. I can't add much to what others have said about your relationship with your parents. On the girlfriend front however, I suggest you confront your shyness head on. In my teens I made friends with girls with ease. But, if I liked them I was terrified. I avoided approaching girls I liked and missed cues from girls who liked me. As a result I was somewhat crippled in adult relationships. It was something I recovered from, largely due to my wife's incredible patience. It is not the end of the world, but, you should avoid my mistakes. Be honest with new girlfriends about your shyness and your desires to be able to express your feelings. Any girl worth her salt will go the extra mile to make you feel emotionally safe (within reason). Good luck.

You can lead a theist to reason, but, you cannot make him think.
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25-09-2013, 10:43 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
Hey LV, I'm going to try and piece together a coherent post here. Try to bear with me, since i'm not really used to posting about this type of thing...


I may be able to share a little perspective from your parents side. I am an introvert through and through. It took me a while to understand that introvert is not a dirty word. After I did, I spent a while figuring out how to interact with other people so that I could be myself, but still not make others uncomfortable. It's definitely a work in progress, but I've learned a few things so far.

I rarely say I love you. Usually, when I do, it is in response to someone that I love saying it to me. It's not that I don,t love them. It's that saying so makes me feel very awkward. What I've learned, is that I need to let the people around me know. They can only understand if I tell them. So on the occasion, I suck it up and go through the awkward process of explaining myself. It sucks, but hey, I get through it and it doesn't need to be said often.

It sounds to me like maybe your parents are similar to me, but just haven't figured out how to say so?

When my kids (16 and 14) need something from me that is out of character, (a hug, and "I love you", etc.) they have learned to ask. Of course it's a two way street, and I always do my best to be attentive. But usually, if someone needs a hug from me, they come and give me one first. It's my reminder that hugs feel good, because I forget.

So how bout this.....try something along the lines of:

"hey mom and dad, I just wanted to make sure that you know I love you guys."

I dunno if that helps or not. Sorry bro....I'm not very good at this. I'll tell ya though, I'd give you a hug if I could.

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25-09-2013, 10:45 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
(24-09-2013 08:07 PM)Lightvader Wrote:  This is just me venting. I dunno how to describe it properly, but i'll try. I know my parents support me in my goals, but i dont feel like they love me. I cant recall one time my dad or mom said they love me or that i said i love 'm. I can literally count the times we hugged. Sometimes i envy my best friend. His parents are soo nice to him...
I think that they love me, but they are just incapable of showing affection. If i didnt know better, i would say they just have a platonic relation and are together because " its just the way you do things" and for the sake of me and my sister. I've been more touched by the forum sometimes than i have been by my family. I guess it runs in the family... Struggling with feelings and shit like that

awwwww...

Hug


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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25-09-2013, 11:04 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
(24-09-2013 08:44 PM)evenheathen Wrote:  
(24-09-2013 08:38 PM)Lightvader Wrote:  it would sound totaly weird if i said that, because i never did it. I dont wish them goodnight and they dont either.


Well, I realize it would sound totally weird given the situation you described. But if you love them, I don't see how in any world it would be inappropriate to simply tell them so. If they get offended by you saying it, you would at least know more about where the issue stands, but I'm pretty sure they won't.

You may just be surprised at how far those three words said aloud can get you.

As a mortician, I encounter families of every dynamic you can imagine. Families like yours tend to have many regrets after losing someone because they feel so much was left unsaid. As evenheathen said, it may be awkward but it's better than feeling you can't connect with them, or worse, never taking that step and realizing one day that it's too late and you never did it.

I can tell you from personal experience that it's easier to develop these relationships and your own personality early on. You're lucky in that you recognize these things now. Your parents love you, but they're probably so set in their ways that it seems even more difficult to them to change things, if they sense at all that things even need change. But this personality type, while not prone to initiating these types of exchanges, usually respond well and reciprocate easily. Be the one to make these changes, and guide the development of your relationships now.

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it- not even if I have said it- unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - Buddha
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29-09-2013, 04:10 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
(24-09-2013 08:07 PM)Lightvader Wrote:  This is just me venting. I dunno how to describe it properly, but i'll try. I know my parents support me in my goals, but i dont feel like they love me. I cant recall one time my dad or mom said they love me or that i said i love 'm. I can literally count the times we hugged. Sometimes i envy my best friend. His parents are soo nice to him...
I think that they love me, but they are just incapable of showing affection. If i didnt know better, i would say they just have a platonic relation and are together because " its just the way you do things" and for the sake of me and my sister. I've been more touched by the forum sometimes than i have been by my family. I guess it runs in the family... Struggling with feelings and shit like that

Your family is like mine as well. My parents are just not the affectionate type, I guess. I am. I give out hugs like they are going out of style. It doesn't bother me too much, it's only a bit awkward when I get a phone call or something from my in-laws who always end the phone-call by telling me they love me, or if we are together that, plus a big hug. If it's important to you, just tell them you love them. I know my parents love me, if they don't say it, it's alright, I still know it. In my family "I love you's" are reserved for deathbeds.

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29-09-2013, 04:44 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
Can someone please explain to me why absols is allowed to post this shit in PSAS? I know other people have been restricted access from here, but if it is anyone that deserves it, it is absols.

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29-09-2013, 07:08 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
Thannks DL!
its not realy that important, just a little.
And i get that akward feeling when other family says they love me or if they give me hugs Laugh out load

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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29-09-2013, 07:57 AM
RE: I feel so lonely....
(29-09-2013 04:44 AM)Dark Light Wrote:  Can someone please explain to me why absols is allowed to post this shit in PSAS? I know other people have been restricted access from here, but if it is anyone that deserves it, it is absols.

It's the support section. Unsupportive posts are prohibited here. It has to do with posts, not the person posting.

Absols didn't say anything inappropriate, and LV even thanked him/her. No reason to remove the post.

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29-09-2013, 08:06 AM (This post was last modified: 29-09-2013 09:24 AM by cheapthrillseaker.)
RE: I feel so lonely....
(29-09-2013 07:57 AM)Stark Raving Wrote:  
(29-09-2013 04:44 AM)Dark Light Wrote:  Can someone please explain to me why absols is allowed to post this shit in PSAS? I know other people have been restricted access from here, but if it is anyone that deserves it, it is absols.

It's the support section. Unsupportive posts are prohibited here. It has to do with posts, not the person posting.

Absols didn't say anything inappropriate, and LV even thanked him/her. No reason to remove the post.

Yeah, no. It was inappropriate. It was removed. You're probably thinking of the wrong post. The post DL is referring to is screencapped elsewhere if you want to have a look.

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