I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
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21-11-2013, 08:24 PM
I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
I really am angry at myself for being such a failure, I deserve all the shit aspects to my life because of my ignorance and laziness at life up to now. I hate myself but can see potential for improvement. I feel like a lone wolf, I have no friends, and I am not close to my family, and the thing is I cant even depend on myself.

Nobody knows my true feelings as I always hide them, I have never been close to anyone. I also feel embarrassed admitting I feel suicidal. I don't want to actively kill myself, but if someone pointed a gun to my head I don't think I would care at this point.

I don't know what to do, my mum worries way too much and gets angry, I think she has slight bipolar and so I don't want to tell her about my feelings, I am also not close to her.

I am also doing terrible at university, Im pulling another all nighter as we speak trying to at least get a pass grade. I really want to quit and run away, I really just want to escape my current situation and experience life.

For all intensive purposes I am dead, I have no friends, never had a GF, hardly ever socialise, I also am killing myself slowly eating lots of junk food and hardly sleeping.

Nobody can tell I feel suicidal though, as I put on a false personality.

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoreau
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21-11-2013, 08:29 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
Please contact a suicide hotline and talk with someone. I hope that at your school there is some sort of counseling or help that is available to you. It sounds like you are struggling and things have piled up on you to what seems like too much to deal with.

You are talking here...you are asking for help and that's a very good thing.

You may be depressed (clinically) and there are things that can help with that.

Keep reaching out, here and at school.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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21-11-2013, 08:40 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
(21-11-2013 08:29 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Please contact a suicide hotline and talk with someone. I hope that at your school there is some sort of counseling or help that is available to you. It sounds like you are struggling and things have piled up on you to what seems like too much to deal with.

You are talking here...you are asking for help and that's a very good thing.

You may be depressed (clinically) and there are things that can help with that.

Keep reaching out, here and at school.

I was thinking of ringing Samaritans right now but I dont have time to as I need to do my work for tomorrows deadline.

Do you think I should visit my University GP or am I wasting their time?

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoreau
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21-11-2013, 08:48 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
Can you find a student counsellor at Uni to discuss options?
There are bound to be student clubs (maybe even secular atheism/humanism clubs) that would love new members and like-minded friends.
Trust me, the more people you talk to, the more offers of help and suggestions you will hear.
Talk DOES help and you will find altruism in most humans you meet.
Let them help you. :-)
It will make THEM feel happier in their life that they have been able to help YOU in your life. Heart

And FWIW - there are bound to be several theistic charity/church groups close by who would LOVE to help
...the least of my brothers...the poor in spirit...the down trodden....the man laying 'beaten/bruised' on that Road To Jericho we call life.
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21-11-2013, 08:50 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
(21-11-2013 08:40 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  
(21-11-2013 08:29 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Please contact a suicide hotline and talk with someone. I hope that at your school there is some sort of counseling or help that is available to you. It sounds like you are struggling and things have piled up on you to what seems like too much to deal with.

You are talking here...you are asking for help and that's a very good thing.

You may be depressed (clinically) and there are things that can help with that.

Keep reaching out, here and at school.

I was thinking of ringing Samaritans right now but I dont have time to as I need to do my work for tomorrows deadline.

Do you think I should visit my University GP or am I wasting their time?

Please do! And place the call, even if it's only a short call to find out what resources are available to you. I don't know the answers, I am in the US, so I don't know what is available to you.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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21-11-2013, 08:52 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
I am not a medical doctor, but you show symptoms of clinical depression and you should see a doctor immediately.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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21-11-2013, 09:12 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
In your situation, asking for help can be a bridge too far for many people (if you can call a hotline, do it), the GP is the softest approach, don't work yourself up over what to say.
Just go there for a "checkup", then let out as much as you can about your current psychological state.

Travel, Look around, observe the wonder of nature and the miracle of life, Step your conscious out of your own body and see your self as a cog in a greater world around you.
No matter who you are, what you've done or not done, your an equal part of all of us.
You can never really extinguish regrets and self pity, they are part of you, just don't let them control current/future actions, look in the mirror and tell them to "fuck off" for a day.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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22-11-2013, 11:33 AM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
I'm gonna guess that currently you dont like life but you dont want to die, hence that is why you are reaching out now.

I have been where you have been and whilst the world may seem like a hopeless and lonely place that will offer no help, this is simply not the case.

I think it is a good idea if you go and visit your doctor. Don't hold back on anything and tell them everything. Being prescribed Anti-D's will give you a boost and help you feel a little bit better. It might also be good to speak to your University about your work, if they know you are struggling because of your personal life they may be able to offer some help. There is nothing wrong with ringing the samaritans, they are an amazing organisation who will listen to your problems.

You dont "deserve" all the shit aspects of your life. You have simply gone on every single day the best you know how. You have established a routine that whilst may be negative in some aspects, is the only thing that you know.

You can change your life. I wont kid you, it may be a bit tough at times. You may have to be strict on yourself but it will pay off in the end.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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22-11-2013, 01:42 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
Don't apply permanent solutions to temporary issues.

Find someone to talk to, make small changes in your life, change your routine. Shop somewhere else, eat different things, take the bus or whatever, change it all up a bit. Come here and talk to us. Maybe se a doc and get some meds, maybe you are clinically depressed. Sounds like you just don't feel like doing anything at all - that sounds like clinical depression.

Suicide has been a good friend of mine since I was a teen, and here I sit, 60 years old. It's still a friend of mine, and someday we shall visit, but like I said above, don't apply permanent solutions to temporary issues.

I've been in that place you visit, repeatedly. Let your rational mind decide things. No permanent solutions needed here, just change, and maybe meds, too.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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22-11-2013, 02:20 PM
RE: I feel suicidal but nobody else realises
I wouldn't say you are a failure... in fact, you seem to have a lot going for you. You are in University and so far, you have stuck with it - that's saying a lot right there. Also, many people with so much coming down on them all at once, don't have the wherewith all to reach out - which you just have.

Just the fact that you are self aware speaks volumes that you are anything but a failure. You are a clean slate. Your focus may be a little distracted with everything going on. The thing is - you notice it. That is something you can take care of.

From what you've said and the way you've said it, it seems you might have a clinical depression. It could very well be a mild depression but getting to a doctor would be the most beneficial thing to do at this point.

Please go to the university's GP and explain the situation just as you have here. They are there to help get you what you need - which is back on track to a healthy outlook so you can focus on your studies and the rest of your life. Thumbsup

***
Just a side note - we used to call my university health care "The Quack Shack" - for some reason, I have fond memories of that place. Shy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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