I hate autism
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15-12-2012, 10:56 PM
I hate autism
I dated a woman with two autistic kids and both parents were in their mid 20s

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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15-12-2012, 11:09 PM
RE: I hate autism
As a mom of three very wonderful but very challenging boys, sometimes, you need to scream at the sky for awhile. I wrote programs for kids with autism, and while the kids were wonderful, a real pleasure to know, sometimes it just hurts not to be able to connect the way we neural typicals do.

I was one of those too-gifted-to-be-accepted kids, I know that alien feeling. My sons are also gifted, my middle one sometimes has behavior that his school thinks are autistic, we love our little aliens, but that doesn't mean we don't have moments when we wish they could enjoy a conversation, have friendships that are easy (or even possible), etc.

He may not need the connection the way you do, but that doesn't mean tou can't find it. I had a boy one time that would never look at anyone and couldn't speak, but he'd get a slightly calmer look on his face sometimes with his happy face. Wishful thinking or not, we always told ourselves it was only for the people he liked. It doesn't matter if it's totally made up, it helps.

All my love
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17-12-2012, 03:20 PM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 03:23 PM by Luminon.)
RE: I hate autism
You know what? I hate autism too. No matter what some overly protective moms say, it IS a disability. A huge one. The main problem is mindblindness. It's literally a form of blindness, inability to detect feelings, intentions, wishes, needs, expectations, impressions, thoughts or likely knowledge of other people.
I know the other people have them, but it takes hell a lot of conscious logical effort to figure out what is the most likely reason for what they just did. It's something that can't be done with multiple people and in hurry. I have to stop and ignore lots of things (for example what the person is saying, because they don't give precise instructions) and analyze what they really need me to do. When I don't have time or don't suspect I don't suspect something, then shit may hit the fan.
When they ask me an open question, I have to analyze that person's personal data what they're likely to (not) know and be interested in and compile a relevant/short synopsis. But it actually was a social question so I rambled again for a while. That's my first instinct, questions mean desire for information, because I can't easily imagine what the person feels or desires. Which means I can't have a good idea of what they feel or think about me.

Others shouldn't worry about what do I think about them, because I don't think anything. My faulty senses tell me there are many black boxes walking and talking around and there's no telling what's inside their minds, so I better don't assume anything overly positive nor malicious, that much I can tell from experience. I have a good idea what might be, (the everyday life stuff) but not what is. I know it's likely a Schroedinger's cat, but I have no idea whether to ask about its latest antics, or to offer polite condolences. A wrong choice would have bad social consequences, of course.

And again, it is an extreme disability in social and romantic relationships. The eternal question of "is she interested in me?" becomes more mysterious than anything. She is beautiful, has a lovely voice, seems intelligent and hard-working. She offered me some regular attention. But she is also extremely social and has countless friends and acquaintances (can't even begin to guess which one of them is a BF) and I've got no idea if I get more of her attention than all the other people she knows. She meets people very easily and instinctively makes them meet each other, it's an amazing process to observe, really.

She knows me for a short time. If in such a short time I get at least as much attention as the other friends, she might be interested. I need to find out more. How do I find out? We hang out and have a chat. The problem is, she's a social butterfly, doesn't keep in one place if there's more people around. I'm too mindblind to figure her out quickly enough in the middle of distracting social situation.
People are not transparent to me, they're less or more anonymous mannequins of flesh and bones (some of them quite lovely to behold). I don't see through them, until I see them in the light of something I know. Typically, the heavy stuff. Beliefs, religion, politics, science and so on, these I know. And if I can find out the others' relationship towards such things, ideally their development of attitude towards the heavy stuff, I can understand the person, I can have all these fancy super-powers like genuine compassion and empathy. I can feel like not among strangers for a change. I use the heavy topics as a big and clumsy x-ray device to get into people's heads and socialize. I prefer outspoken people with clear-cut opinions, and if opposite, the better, the more fun. And I absolutely need events, not social, not people-events, but events with a clear-cut theme, program or purpose that involves all the people involved and in light of which I may begin to comprehend the people.

So really, mindblindness is just a disability, it doesn't say anything about the person's character. It's a dyslexia of reading other people, dyscalculia of figuring them out automatically, subconsciously, effortlessly. Given that we swim in an ocean of people, it's one hell of a disability. Thankfully, most of autists are blissfully unaware of it. The lower functioning they are, the less they have to do with normal people and the less they suffer from the constant confusion. I just got this realization and awareness rather recently and it's a very heavy burden to bear. I don't know how I'll get used to it, now that I have a good idea what I'm missing. If I get a job to love and a woman to love, and perhaps children (if she'll want my genes), that'll be all the people I need and can handle in my life.
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17-12-2012, 03:33 PM
RE: I hate autism
(17-12-2012 03:20 PM)Luminon Wrote:  You know what? I hate autism too. No matter what some overly protective moms say, it IS a disability. A huge one. The main problem is mindblindness. It's literally a form of blindness, inability to detect feelings, intentions, wishes, needs, expectations, impressions, thoughts or likely knowledge of other people.
I know the other people have them, but it takes hell a lot of conscious logical effort to figure out what is the most likely reason for what they just did. It's something that can't be done with multiple people and in hurry. I have to stop and ignore lots of things (for example what the person is saying, because they don't give precise instructions) and analyze what they really need me to do. When I don't have time or don't suspect I don't suspect something, then shit may hit the fan.
When they ask me an open question, I have to analyze that person's personal data what they're likely to (not) know and be interested in and compile a relevant/short synopsis. But it actually was a social question so I rambled again for a while. That's my first instinct, questions mean desire for information, because I can't easily imagine what the person feels or desires. Which means I can't have a good idea of what they feel or think about me.

Others shouldn't worry about what do I think about them, because I don't think anything. My faulty senses tell me there are many black boxes walking and talking around and there's no telling what's inside their minds, so I better don't assume anything overly positive nor malicious, that much I can tell from experience. I have a good idea what might be, (the everyday life stuff) but not what is. I know it's likely a Schroedinger's cat, but I have no idea whether to ask about its latest antics, or to offer polite condolences. A wrong choice would have bad social consequences, of course.

And again, it is an extreme disability in social and romantic relationships. The eternal question of "is she interested in me?" becomes more mysterious than anything. She is beautiful, has a lovely voice, seems intelligent and hard-working. She offered me some regular attention. But she is also extremely social and has countless friends and acquaintances (can't even begin to guess which one of them is a BF) and I've got no idea if I get more of her attention than all the other people she knows. She meets people very easily and instinctively makes them meet each other, it's an amazing process to observe, really.

She knows me for a short time. If in such a short time I get at least as much attention as the other friends, she might be interested. I need to find out more. How do I find out? We hang out and have a chat. The problem is, she's a social butterfly, doesn't keep in one place if there's more people around. I'm too mindblind to figure her out quickly enough in the middle of distracting social situation.
People are not transparent to me, they're less or more anonymous mannequins of flesh and bones (some of them quite lovely to behold). I don't see through them, until I see them in the light of something I know. Typically, the heavy stuff. Beliefs, religion, politics, science and so on, these I know. And if I can find out the others' relationship towards such things, ideally their development of attitude towards the heavy stuff, I can understand the person, I can have all these fancy super-powers like genuine compassion and empathy. I can feel like not among strangers for a change. I use the heavy topics as a big and clumsy x-ray device to get into people's heads and socialize. I prefer outspoken people with clear-cut opinions, and if opposite, the better, the more fun. And I absolutely need events, not social, not people-events, but events with a clear-cut theme, program or purpose that involves all the people involved and in light of which I may begin to comprehend the people.

So really, mindblindness is just a disability, it doesn't say anything about the person's character. It's a dyslexia of reading other people, dyscalculia of figuring them out automatically, subconsciously, effortlessly. Given that we swim in an ocean of people, it's one hell of a disability. Thankfully, most of autists are blissfully unaware of it. The lower functioning they are, the less they have to do with normal people and the less they suffer from the constant confusion. I just got this realization and awareness rather recently and it's a very heavy burden to bear. I don't know how I'll get used to it, now that I have a good idea what I'm missing. If I get a job to love and a woman to love, and perhaps children (if she'll want my genes), that'll be all the people I need and can handle in my life.
Lumi, I owe you an apology. I blew up at you for something that is now quite understandable in context.

So, my apologies.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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17-12-2012, 04:37 PM
RE: I hate autism
(17-12-2012 03:20 PM)Luminon Wrote:  You know what? I hate autism too. No matter what some overly protective moms say, it IS a disability. A huge one. The main problem is mindblindness. It's literally a form of blindness, inability to detect feelings, intentions, wishes, needs, expectations, impressions, thoughts or likely knowledge of other people.
I know the other people have them, but it takes hell a lot of conscious logical effort to figure out what is the most likely reason for what they just did. It's something that can't be done with multiple people and in hurry. I have to stop and ignore lots of things (for example what the person is saying, because they don't give precise instructions) and analyze what they really need me to do. When I don't have time or don't suspect I don't suspect something, then shit may hit the fan.
When they ask me an open question, I have to analyze that person's personal data what they're likely to (not) know and be interested in and compile a relevant/short synopsis. But it actually was a social question so I rambled again for a while. That's my first instinct, questions mean desire for information, because I can't easily imagine what the person feels or desires. Which means I can't have a good idea of what they feel or think about me.

Others shouldn't worry about what do I think about them, because I don't think anything. My faulty senses tell me there are many black boxes walking and talking around and there's no telling what's inside their minds, so I better don't assume anything overly positive nor malicious, that much I can tell from experience. I have a good idea what might be, (the everyday life stuff) but not what is. I know it's likely a Schroedinger's cat, but I have no idea whether to ask about its latest antics, or to offer polite condolences. A wrong choice would have bad social consequences, of course.

And again, it is an extreme disability in social and romantic relationships. The eternal question of "is she interested in me?" becomes more mysterious than anything. She is beautiful, has a lovely voice, seems intelligent and hard-working. She offered me some regular attention. But she is also extremely social and has countless friends and acquaintances (can't even begin to guess which one of them is a BF) and I've got no idea if I get more of her attention than all the other people she knows. She meets people very easily and instinctively makes them meet each other, it's an amazing process to observe, really.

She knows me for a short time. If in such a short time I get at least as much attention as the other friends, she might be interested. I need to find out more. How do I find out? We hang out and have a chat. The problem is, she's a social butterfly, doesn't keep in one place if there's more people around. I'm too mindblind to figure her out quickly enough in the middle of distracting social situation.
People are not transparent to me, they're less or more anonymous mannequins of flesh and bones (some of them quite lovely to behold). I don't see through them, until I see them in the light of something I know. Typically, the heavy stuff. Beliefs, religion, politics, science and so on, these I know. And if I can find out the others' relationship towards such things, ideally their development of attitude towards the heavy stuff, I can understand the person, I can have all these fancy super-powers like genuine compassion and empathy. I can feel like not among strangers for a change. I use the heavy topics as a big and clumsy x-ray device to get into people's heads and socialize. I prefer outspoken people with clear-cut opinions, and if opposite, the better, the more fun. And I absolutely need events, not social, not people-events, but events with a clear-cut theme, program or purpose that involves all the people involved and in light of which I may begin to comprehend the people.

So really, mindblindness is just a disability, it doesn't say anything about the person's character. It's a dyslexia of reading other people, dyscalculia of figuring them out automatically, subconsciously, effortlessly. Given that we swim in an ocean of people, it's one hell of a disability. Thankfully, most of autists are blissfully unaware of it. The lower functioning they are, the less they have to do with normal people and the less they suffer from the constant confusion. I just got this realization and awareness rather recently and it's a very heavy burden to bear. I don't know how I'll get used to it, now that I have a good idea what I'm missing. If I get a job to love and a woman to love, and perhaps children (if she'll want my genes), that'll be all the people I need and can handle in my life.

Dude, it gets easier with practice (and age).

We are all different but if my experiences can give you hope, here are some of my coping mechanisms:
Being a little eccentric / non-typical can have advantages (stand out from the crowd in job interviews).
Often hot chicks are attracted to intellectuals. Learn to fake being an intellectual.
Denial (can't speak highly enough about denial).
Learning not to give a shit. 'Detachment' has its downside too but overall, I like it this way.
Many autists have become leaders in their specialist field.
Hone your skills regarding first principles (body language, maths, etymology etc.) the "conscious logical effort" bit gets easier.
Get older. You can get away with a lot more when you are older.

Fuck it! I'm wearing red and black nail polish today and no one cares. I've had positive comments from guys and gals and the worst reaction has been rolling eyes and a bit of head-shaking. Silly shit like that is now expected from me.
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17-12-2012, 04:56 PM
RE: I hate autism
Jokes are always good. They laugh with you rather than at you.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
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17-12-2012, 05:16 PM
RE: I hate autism
Saying 'I hate that my son has autism' is the same as saying 'I hate my son' - It's a personality, not a tumour.
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17-12-2012, 05:18 PM
RE: I hate autism
hey fzu i already did that

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
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17-12-2012, 05:20 PM
RE: I hate autism
(17-12-2012 05:16 PM)FZUMedia Wrote:  Saying 'I hate that my son has autism' is the same as saying 'I hate my son' - It's a personality, not a tumour.
No, it isn't the same.
And it is a brain dysfunction, not a personality. It is a disorder that results in certain effects to personality.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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17-12-2012, 06:16 PM
RE: I hate autism
(17-12-2012 05:20 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(17-12-2012 05:16 PM)FZUMedia Wrote:  Saying 'I hate that my son has autism' is the same as saying 'I hate my son' - It's a personality, not a tumour.
No, it isn't the same.
And it is a brain dysfunction, not a personality. It is a disorder that results in certain effects to personality.
I kind of like my 'brain dysfunction' thank you very much.

If anything, people with high functioning autism are more evolved.
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