I hate that I'm not trusting in relationships? Why am I like this? How can I fix it?
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15-04-2016, 12:52 PM
I hate that I'm not trusting in relationships? Why am I like this? How can I fix it?
I've been with my SO for about a year and a few months, I haven't ever been happier with anyone else, nor have I loved anyone else the way I love him. The one thing that really bothers me about myself, is that I'm not trusting in relationships. I know it probably has to do with my past, I came from a dysfunctional family, and I was around bad influences. I watched my mother being lied to every single day and being mistreated and I remember thinking "Why are you taking this? Why are you believing him?", I told myself that I never wanted to end up like that.

Fast forward, I ended up in a abusive relationship for almost 5 years, this person had physically and emotionally abused me. I started suffering from pretty severe anxiety and low self esteem, and he would constantly make me feel crazy for feeling the way that I did. I got out of it, and afterwards he basically blamed me for everything and told everyone that I was terrible to him. But throughout that relationship there were a lot of lies that were told to me, and it really hurt.

So now I'm in this great relationship with a man who doesn't lie to me (as far as I know), he treats me amazing, he handles my anxiety the best way that he knows how and it really helps, and he talks about our future all the time, about marriage and travelling the world, and just spending our lives together. He has supported me through some of my most trying times, he understands my family situation, he listens to my emotions and he doesn't make me feel crazy or invalidated for it. But I'm a paranoid person and I'm always afraid that he's going to hurt me, and I keep waiting for that to happen and it doesn't happen. I want to be able to trust him fully, I don't want to have those emotions, I don't want to be paranoid about him, I just wanna live my life with him without those things. And I have been making steps towards doing that and it has gotten better, but I still find myself in this predicament where I feel this way. Sometimes I feel helpless, but I know that's not true. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for him, even though he always tells me otherwise. I don't know how to get past this.
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15-04-2016, 01:50 PM
RE: I hate that I'm not trusting in relationships? Why am I like this? How can I fix it?
Have you seen the movie (or read the book) Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood?

Good movie, stupid name. There's a part in there talking about how she's always waiting for the bottom to drop out of the bucket, because it always had...

I don't know what to tell you. It'd be the blind leading the blind...but watch the movie if you haven't. Seriously.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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15-04-2016, 04:08 PM
RE: I hate that I'm not trusting in relationships? Why am I like this? How can I fix it?
Does he make you laugh? That's what ManlyGirl thinks is most important.

#sigh
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15-04-2016, 07:25 PM
RE: I hate that I'm not trusting in relationships? Why am I like this? How can I fix it?
You don't necessarily have to become a perfect and trusting person to have a long relationship. I tend to be suspicious and distrustful of most things. And I spent probably the first four or five of years of my current relationship assuming it was going to bust up and even looking for reasons for it to, but I didn't act. It's 22 years later, ups and downs, and we're still here. It may help to stop every once in a while and think about all of the experiences that the two of you are building together--the shared references and jokes and struggles.

My best advice: be yourself, but don't start drama just because; stand up for yourself when it's needed; see how it goes.
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15-04-2016, 07:52 PM
RE: I hate that I'm not trusting in relationships? Why am I like this? How can I fix it?
One day at a time.. there is no rush.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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