I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 2 Votes - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
15-09-2015, 05:01 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 01:45 PM)Dom Wrote:  You need to eat, good, solid food. Don't know if you can get a hold of weed, but it will make you eat happily and is used extensively here for cancer patients and other illnesses that affect the appetite.

Thanks Dom.

I ended up having a weird day. My early 2 hour practice was disappointing. So I rang me great friend who owns a samba company in America and was distraught. He calmed me down and gave me a lesson. Then I played a bunch of instruments and he said I played beautifully and had nothing to prove. I was nearly in tears.

It is a side effect of the experimental drug that pumps into my body every five minutes. This drug is strong and has already killed people since late last year. But it is my only hope.

Plus yesterday I did not eat well. Just some cereal for breakfast and Thai fried rice for dinner, which I could not finish.

Happily around 4.30 pm I began practicing with drumsticks on a rubber pad and went through until 7.30 pm and had not one note out of place. This made me feel much better. Still totally depressed. Then I had all my pills around nine pm and kind of lost it. My head was all over the place and I ended up having 4 sleeping pills!

You can see the results on the English are stupid thread.

I slept all through the night and my night sweats were mild compared to usual. Sheets just slightly damp as opposed to soaking wet.

I only just woke up and had a coffee and a muffin. Hopefully I wont be so depressed today. I was frankly suicidal yesterday. I kept looking at photos of my niece all day. I was just over it. This has been going on for two years, with one year undiagnosed. I am not the man I was. I cannot work. I never see anyone. All my family has either moved interstate or is working overseas. Even my niece and sister in law are in Thailand. I hate to bother my friends...

I'm just in a really bad place at the moment and struggling to get through it. Tomorrow it's back to the hospital and next week I think it is four straight days. Monday drug change, tuesday bone marrow biopsy, Wed' lumber puncture, Thurs' new drug change.

I wont practice today. I put too much pressure on myself yesterday. I am such a perfectionist and need to give myself a break. I have another home carer visit at 10 am to see about taking over when the current one ends. I may then visit my mates at the drum shop that is not too far away. I have money in my account there and may get a piece of equipment to cheer me up or inspire me. In other word another thing to practice!

Wish me luck through this period. Thanks. Dale.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Banjo's post
15-09-2015, 05:03 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 05:01 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(15-09-2015 01:45 PM)Dom Wrote:  You need to eat, good, solid food. Don't know if you can get a hold of weed, but it will make you eat happily and is used extensively here for cancer patients and other illnesses that affect the appetite.

Thanks Dom.

I ended up having a weird day. My early 2 hour practice was disappointing. So I rang me great friend who owns a samba company in America and was distraught. He calmed me down and gave me a lesson. Then I played a bunch of instruments and he said I played beautifully and had nothing to prove. I was nearly in tears.

It is a side effect of the experimental drug that pumps into my body every five minutes. This drug is strong and has already killed people since late last year. But it is my only hope.

Plus yesterday I did not eat well. Just some cereal for breakfast and Thai fried rice for dinner, which I could not finish.

Happily around 4.30 pm I began practicing with drumsticks on a rubber pad and went through until 7.30 pm and had not one note out of place. This made me feel much better. Still totally depressed. Then I had all my pills around nine pm and kind of lost it. My head was all over the place and I ended up having 4 sleeping pills!

You can see the results on the English are stupid thread.

I slept all through the night and my night sweats were mild compared to usual. Sheets just slightly damp as opposed to soaking wet.

I only just woke up and had a coffee and a muffin. Hopefully I wont be so depressed today. I was frankly suicidal yesterday. I kept looking at photos of my niece all day. I was just over it. This has been going on for two years, with one year undiagnosed. I am not the man I was. I cannot work. I never see anyone. All my family has either moved interstate or is working overseas. Even my niece and sister in law are in Thailand. I hate to bother my friends...

I'm just in a really bad place at the moment and struggling to get through it. Tomorrow it's back to the hospital and next week I think it is four straight days. Monday drug change, tuesday bone marrow biopsy, Wed' lumber puncture, Thurs' new drug change.

I wont practice today. I put too much pressure on myself yesterday. I am such a perfectionist and need to give myself a break. I have another home carer visit at 10 am to see about taking over when the current one ends. I may then visit my mates at the drum shop that is not too far away. I have money in my account there and may get a piece of equipment to cheer me up or inspire me. In other word another thing to practice!

Wish me luck through this period. Thanks. Dale.

Sending lots of love and many hugs.

There are going to be down days...always remember that tomorrow may be a better day. One foot in front of the other.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Anjele's post
15-09-2015, 05:04 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 02:35 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  What Dom said ^^^ and good balanced meal. Is there a service that delivers home meals. There are services in the States that do stuff like that. Meals on Wheels it's called.

Hug


I was getting meals on wheels when first discharged from hospital. I put my nephew in charge of my money and he was supposed to pay my monthly bills. He paid everything except Meals on wheels and left me with a $474.00 bill, which I am currently paying off. Facepalm

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-09-2015, 05:07 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 02:44 PM)Black Eagle Wrote:  I know what you mean, brother. I have a workshop in the lower level of my house and I like to go out in the backyard which entails going down stairs. I've been practicing going up and down stairs for a few weeks now and it's not so scary anymore. I also have shitty balance from my skull fracture and I have been doing balance exercises for a couple years now. I still have lousy balance.

I spent yesterday morn at the hospital getting tests. It looks like [assuming I passed all the tests] that in two weeks I will start giving myself injections of some new med and I won't have to go to the doc all the damned time. Hope so.

Thanks Anjele. I am trying as hard as I can.

Well done mate. These stairs here all angle forward. Scary as hell when I am carrying laundry. I walk up and down like a 90 year old. But I do it. Confused

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Banjo's post
15-09-2015, 06:33 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 05:01 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(15-09-2015 01:45 PM)Dom Wrote:  You need to eat, good, solid food. Don't know if you can get a hold of weed, but it will make you eat happily and is used extensively here for cancer patients and other illnesses that affect the appetite.

Thanks Dom.

I ended up having a weird day. My early 2 hour practice was disappointing. So I rang me great friend who owns a samba company in America and was distraught. He calmed me down and gave me a lesson. Then I played a bunch of instruments and he said I played beautifully and had nothing to prove. I was nearly in tears.

It is a side effect of the experimental drug that pumps into my body every five minutes. This drug is strong and has already killed people since late last year. But it is my only hope.

Plus yesterday I did not eat well. Just some cereal for breakfast and Thai fried rice for dinner, which I could not finish.

Happily around 4.30 pm I began practicing with drumsticks on a rubber pad and went through until 7.30 pm and had not one note out of place. This made me feel much better. Still totally depressed. Then I had all my pills around nine pm and kind of lost it. My head was all over the place and I ended up having 4 sleeping pills!

You can see the results on the English are stupid thread.

I slept all through the night and my night sweats were mild compared to usual. Sheets just slightly damp as opposed to soaking wet.

I only just woke up and had a coffee and a muffin. Hopefully I wont be so depressed today. I was frankly suicidal yesterday. I kept looking at photos of my niece all day. I was just over it. This has been going on for two years, with one year undiagnosed. I am not the man I was. I cannot work. I never see anyone. All my family has either moved interstate or is working overseas. Even my niece and sister in law are in Thailand. I hate to bother my friends...

I'm just in a really bad place at the moment and struggling to get through it. Tomorrow it's back to the hospital and next week I think it is four straight days. Monday drug change, tuesday bone marrow biopsy, Wed' lumber puncture, Thurs' new drug change.

I wont practice today. I put too much pressure on myself yesterday. I am such a perfectionist and need to give myself a break. I have another home carer visit at 10 am to see about taking over when the current one ends. I may then visit my mates at the drum shop that is not too far away. I have money in my account there and may get a piece of equipment to cheer me up or inspire me. In other word another thing to practice!

Wish me luck through this period. Thanks. Dale.

Thinking of you Banjo Heart

[Image: hug-gif-1.gif]

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like jennybee's post
15-09-2015, 06:37 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 05:07 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(15-09-2015 02:44 PM)Black Eagle Wrote:  I know what you mean, brother. I have a workshop in the lower level of my house and I like to go out in the backyard which entails going down stairs. I've been practicing going up and down stairs for a few weeks now and it's not so scary anymore. I also have shitty balance from my skull fracture and I have been doing balance exercises for a couple years now. I still have lousy balance.

I spent yesterday morn at the hospital getting tests. It looks like [assuming I passed all the tests] that in two weeks I will start giving myself injections of some new med and I won't have to go to the doc all the damned time. Hope so.

Thanks Anjele. I am trying as hard as I can.

Well done mate. These stairs here all angle forward. Scary as hell when I am carrying laundry. I walk up and down like a 90 year old. But I do it. Confused

When I was going through various procedures or just trying to get through the day I would play a little mind game with myself.

If I can make it through this next half hour it will be better. I would watch some old sitcom rerun and focus on it...the half hour would be over before I knew it. If I can make it through ten songs on my iPod about an hour will pass...and I would tune everything out but the music...the hour would pass. If I can watch this whole movie...if I can make it till suppertime...you get the idea...I set mini-goals. The goals got longer as time passed. On good days I could set longer goals.

It helped me to take each thing in bits and pieces...looking out toward the whole duration was just too much.

I still do the same thing when I have to have dental work. Sadcryface

Seems cliche', but a lot of healing is mind over matter.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Anjele's post
15-09-2015, 07:01 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Thanks Jenny.

Thanks Anjele.

I downloaded a bunch of songs last night onto my phone and am listening to them now. Trying to drink enough fluids to build my blood pressure so I can go outside to visit the drum shop. Feeling very weak though.

The new home carers came and it will cost 40 dollars per month. It must be done as I cannot cope alone.

All will be fine. Just a couple of bad days. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-09-2015, 09:15 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Keep on keeping on, Banjo! Yes

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes morondog's post
15-09-2015, 09:32 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-09-2015 09:15 PM)morondog Wrote:  Keep on keeping on, Banjo! Yes

Will do mate.

Just got off a Skype call with my samba endorser. He's been worried about me since yesterday. I was a freaking mess yesterday. Side effects from these drugs.

I wont be going to the drum shop because my friend is off. Perhaps Saturday.

My # 1 student's dad called so I must call him back and hear the latest news about him and his band. He called while I was on Skype with my samba mate.

So I will probably stay in all day. Perhaps watch a movie on the net.

I'll be alright. I am very tired anyway.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Banjo's post
15-09-2015, 10:04 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(14-09-2015 07:39 PM)Banjo Wrote:  Well today has been going ok. I just had my first home care visit that will last 6 visits over six weeks. She was great, cleaned my kitchen and bathroom. My place is fairly clean anyway due to my trying to clean as I go.

I washed my sheets and she helped me put them on the line. Sadly I must walk down then up the stairs that scare the crap out of me when they dry.

I am trying to practice instruments but have yet to eat and lack strength. Just played a Brasilian instrument the cuica, really poorly due to my not touching it in over a year. So depressing.

It'll be a while before I play that in public again.

It's like being a beginner again. At least I already have the knowledge, it's just that the muscle memory is shot to pieces. Plus I lost a lot of muscle in hospital over however many months it was and is ongoing. I must however keep trying. And I will. I am not hungry but I will eat! Two coffees is not enough. 11.38 am. Time for breakfast!

Don't worry too much about the instruments, brotha -- they will come back to you. You've got bigger fish to fry, as in eating. Make sure you provide your body the armory it needs to fight this battle.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Thumpalumpacus's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: