I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
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20-11-2015, 05:17 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Only you can decide what is right for you. If you determine that you are sick of being sick, you can stop the treatments. If there is truly no point in continuing with them then why deal with the side effects? I am still holding out hope that things are better than you think they are right now. Your most recent pictures show you looking better - color looks good.

I support you in whatever you decide to do. You are important to me and I am honored to have shared some of your journey. I hope to share more of it.

Much love and gentle hugs.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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20-11-2015, 05:47 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Thanks guys. Am at hospital now and have seen three people. They are taking care of me. Will update upon return home.

Many thanks. Dale

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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20-11-2015, 05:56 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(20-11-2015 05:47 PM)Banjo Wrote:  Thanks guys. Am at hospital now and have seen three people. They are taking care of me. Will update upon return home.

Many thanks. Dale

Hug
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20-11-2015, 05:58 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(20-11-2015 03:17 PM)Nishi Karano Kaze Wrote:  Hey mate I know it's fucking rough. In a way I can't begin to imagine. But please don't make any decisions while you are on this tenth day. You are strong, and I believe in you.

*FUCKING BIG HUUUUUUUG*

Thinking of you and Julie my friend.

Enjoy. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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20-11-2015, 06:13 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Banjo will win!

That's it! Drinking Beverage

Bowing

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20-11-2015, 09:32 PM (This post was last modified: 20-11-2015 09:37 PM by Banjo.)
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(20-11-2015 06:13 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Banjo will win!

That's it! Drinking Beverage

Bowing

I just returned from hospital. Long story. Thanks mate.

I am home now. I had an episode and was desiring suicide. As that is not my way, I thought "I better go to the hospital ED". I saw several people who were astounded at my history and story. They did not see any need to put me on a suicide watch as I have shown myself to be so strong of will.

These people simply could not believe it. But they have my history and added to it today. The second guy I saw said "I have never written so much about one patient in my entire career!"

My problems possibly stem from side effects of the drug and the last chemo phase. They just don't know.

The main emergency doctor told me straight when I told him about being suicidal. "You did the right thing. Coming to us shows you make good judgements. Your history shows you have a strong will. Even in the face of not having any love or support through your childhood and through teenage years.

If I give you a drug that will ease your suffering, you wont be enticed to take the entire thing?"

"No! If I were to want to kill myself I have enough drugs at home. I would simply take everything, have a cup of tea and lie down. That's be it."

"Okay. I will prescribe you so and so. I will also give you something now to control your spinal pain."

As always, when I went to the ED department I packed my bag full of underwear. One never knows when one may be admitted. Although I forgot to brush my teeth and take my toothpaste and brush.

For which I apologised in case my breathe smelled. Apparently it did not.

There is a strong possibility the experimental drug is affecting my brain more and more as time goes on. The local hospital is going to set up a psych plan for me. They will track my progress over time and by doing so will save myself and the cancer charity that takes me to and from the other hospital on the northern side of Sydney harbour.

I contacted all but one of my students and they will all follow me to the new school closer to my home. Most gratifying! One student said "We don't care about the time, the location, we just care about and want you."

After leaving the hospital I went for a long walk. Even did my shopping. I got out amongst people. I was inspired by the youth around me. I watched Dancesfortwo's Sydney harbour quay dances again just before leaving for the hospital.

Dances, you have no idea how you inspired me today. And I will never forget it!

Angele, or as I think of you, Angel, your encouragement gave me a boost. Adey, what can I say mate but thankyou from the depths of my being.

Chas. You are a man for whom I hold the highest respect and regard. Your very presence here has helped me more than I can describe. I am humbled by you daily and that leads to inspiration. You often remind me of my greatest teacher. A master martial artist the like of which I have never seen equaled.

Jenny. Dear Jenny. Your kindness and endless support has made me love you. And we have never even met! Although I love all the members really. You hold such a special place in my heart.

Remember the early days when you'd thought about leaving? I thought to myself "NO!!!" and sent a PM.

Your staying helped me survive. What else can be said?

Nishi my friend. I am thinking about you and your daughter and hoping you have a lovely weekend together. Thank you for being so very supportive of me yesterday. Even when I was barely able to control my vomiting.

I had to hang up rather fast. And when done and I rang you back there was that kind face uttering kind words of support and help. Cheers mate!

TheGulegon. Thank you for showing confidence in me. Although I did not see your post until I returned home, your previous posts are in my mind and heart. You too have proven to be a great boon to me. Thanks again mate.

Clockwork. Next Friday when I play my gig. I shall think of you and do my best to honor your good self. I use my inner clock when playing. I will focus heavily on the tempos with you in mind. I'll be as tight as possible.

I actually read your post in between doctors in the emergency department. I was about to respond when confronted by yet another doctor. It proved to be a good time to read it because I was having trouble controlling my emotions. You helped get me through that meeting.

I take inspiration from where ever and from whomever I can. Today I took some from you. I "stole" it. Because as the old saying goes "Good musicians borrow, great musicians steal". Although I am not great, I try to be.

Thanks Clockwork.

unfogged. You responded so fast to my plight this morning. Your generosity of spirit was one thing that pricked up my ears. I knew then I must do something. Your support this morning added to and helped build my confidence. You did me a great favour this morning. I will always remain grateful and remember it. I intend to use it in the future and it has now become a part of myself.

This thread is not really about me. Ultimately it is about those people who have helped me over time. It is you all. When I think about the great people here, there is a swell of respect and awe for humanity in general. Mum, Stark You do such a fine job.

For those not in the know mum has emailed me at times and even went so far as to share family photos of their holidays.

You have all been so patient with me. Words cannot express my admiration and respect. With sincere love. Dale

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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20-11-2015, 09:37 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(20-11-2015 09:32 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(20-11-2015 06:13 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Banjo will win!

That's it! Drinking Beverage

Bowing

I just returned from hospital. Long story. Thanks mate.

I am home now. I had an episode and was desiring suicide. As that is not my way, I thought "I better go to the hospital ED". I saw several people who were astounded at my history and story. They did not see any need to put me on a suicide watch as I have shown myself to be so strong of will.

These people simply could not believe it. But they have my history and added to it today. The second guy I saw said "I have never written so much about one patient in my entire career!"

My problems possibly stem from side effects of the drug and the last chemo phase. They just don't know.

The main emergency doctor told me straight when I told him about being suicidal. "You did the right thing. Coming to us shows you make good judgements. Your history shows you have a strong will. Even in the face of not having any love or support through your childhood and through teenage years.

If I give you a drug that will ease your suffering, you wont be enticed to take the entire thing?"

"No! If I were to want to kill myself I have enough drugs at home. I would simply take everything, have a cup of tea and lie down. That's be it."

"Okay. I will prescribe you so and so. I will also give you something now to control your spinal pain."

As always, when I went to the ED department I packed my bag full of underwear. One never knows when one may be admitted. Although I forgot to brush my teeth and take my toothpaste and brush.

For which I apologised in case my breathe smelled. Apparently it did not.

There is a strong possibility the experimental drug is affecting my brain more and more as time goes on. The local hospital is going to set up a psych plan for me. They will track my progress over time and by doing so will save myself and the cancer charity that takes me to and from the other hospital on the northern side of Sydney harbour.

I contacted all but one of my students and they will all follow me to the new school closer to my home. Most gratifying! One student said "We don't care about the time, the location, we just care about and want you."

After leaving the hospital I went for a long walk. Even did my shopping. I got out amongst people. I was inspired by the youth around me. I watched Dancesfortwo's Sydney harbour quay dances again just before leaving for the hospital.

Dances, you have no idea how you inspired me today. And I will never forget it!

Angele, or as I think of you, Angel, your encouragement gave me a boost. Adey, what can I say mate but thankyou from the depths of my being.

Chas. You are a man for whom I hold the highest respect and regard. Your very presence here has helped me more than I can describe. I am humbled by you daily and that leads to inspiration. You often remind me of my greatest teacher. A master martial artist the like of which I have never seen equaled.

Jenny. Dear Jenny. Your kindness and endless support has made me love you. And we have now even met! Although I love all the members really. You hold such a special place in my heart.

Remember the early days when you'd thought about leaving? I thought to myself "NO!!!" and sent a PM.

Your staying helped me survive. What else can be said?

Nishi my friend. I am thinking about you and your daughter and hoping you have a lovely weekend together. Thank you for being so very supportive of me yesterday. Even when I was barely able to control my vomiting.

I had to hang up rather fast. And when done and I rang you back there was that kind face uttering kind words of support and help. Cheers mate!

TheGulegon. Thank you for showing confidence in me. Although I did not see your post until I returned home, your previous posts are in my mind and heart. You too have proven to be a great boon to me. Thanks again mate.

Clockwork. Next Friday when I play my gig. I shall think of you and do my best to honor your good self. I use my inner clock when playing. I will focus heavily on the tempos with you in mind. I'll be as tight as possible.

I actually read your post in between doctors in the emergency department. I was about to respond when confronted by yet another doctor. It proved to be a good time to read it because I was having trouble controlling my emotions. You helped get me through that meeting.

I take inspiration from where ever and from whomever I can. Today I took some from you. I "stole" it. Because as the old saying goes "Good musicians borrow, great musicians steal". Although I am not great, I try to be.

Thanks Clockwork.

unfogged. You responded so fast to my plight this morning. Your generosity of spirit was one thing that pricked up my ears. I knew then I must do something. Your support this morning added to and helped build my confidence. You did me a great favour this morning. I will always remain grateful and remember it. I intend to use it in the future and it has now become a part of myself.

This thread is not really about me. Ultimately it is about those people who have helped me over time. It is you all. When I think about the great people here, there is a swell of respect and awe for humanity in general. Mum, Stark You do such a fine job.

For those not in the know mum has emailed me at times and even went so far as to share family photos of their holidays.

You have all been so patient with me. Words cannot express my admiration and respect. With sincere love. Dale

You are an amazing person, you truly are Heart
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20-11-2015, 09:53 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
Glad to hear that you went to the emergency room and it sounds like you had good care there.

Have the other doctors said that the chemo is helping at all? Earlier when you posted about your meeting with them it sure didn't sound like it. Is it worth staying on it if it's only going to make you sicker and give you chemo brain?

Just trying to look at different angles of this.

Take care, get rest, and keep us posted.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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20-11-2015, 10:56 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(15-11-2015 08:51 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(15-11-2015 07:56 PM)Thadd Wrote:  I did read it. But I wanted more detail is all.

You did sound a bit "strange".

Mate there isn't much that has not been covered. I became ill, just as many many others have. Lost my career, am still having to visit hospital two to three times a week.

When not doing that I am usually alone at home. Either watching doco's on aeroplanes and history on Youtube or movies and TV shows on the net.

When I need company I come here. I live alone. My family is tiny and is usually somewhere else on the planet.

So I deal with this crap myself with special help from a cancer charity and drives me to and from dr's appointments.

I seem to be doing ok but still have blood tests every week and lumbar punctures and marrow biopsies two days after the LP's.

I used to lead a wonderful life full of music and radio and TV and such. Now here I am on my couch.

Not much else to talk about. Smile

We might not be family, but goddamnit, we can surely sub.

Haven't been in in a few days, Banjy. I hope all's well with you, brotha, and I'm mos' def' sending some love your way.
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20-11-2015, 11:00 PM
RE: I have survived toughest year. Still in danger, but still alive.
(16-11-2015 05:55 PM)Banjo Wrote:  In fact I stood on and crushed a beloved instrument!

Dude. Was it purposeful, or an accident?

Oh, btw, check out the new guit I picked up earlier this month:

[Image: 29pvg9i.jpg]

Plays like a dream, sounds fat and rich, like a good mix of honey and vinegar.
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