I just feel like whining
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06-02-2014, 04:17 PM
I just feel like whining
Goddamnit, I'm so fucking tired of taking care of a 60yo women with dementia that I feel like packing up my bike with a few things and hauling ass to where ever.

Its been 2+ years of surgeries and almost dying (with her) so many times, that I dont even have any feelings anymore... let the cards fall where they may.

Recently, going through old photos (27 years of marriage), I see the love I once had for my wife, I still care, but I really kind of hate her now.
I sit here 24/7 just to take care of her every need and cant leave her alone for any real amount of time, because she might burn the house down or hurt herself.

We've gotten Hospice invovled and they have given us a nurse that comes in for 8 hours on Saturday so I can get out and enjoy a few hours away, but the dread in my stomach comming back home is a nightmare in itself.

I know I should be taking care of myself or I wont be of any help for her, but I'm just plain ass worn out, and wish it would all just end.

Unless youve been through this, its a bit hard to relate, and I'm just kind of venting for whats left of my sanity.

Might also be why I come off a bit strange in here on some posts,I've always been a strong minded person and not prone to giving up, but I swear, I'm getting to a breaking point.

I feel like I still have a few good years left in me, and they're dwindling down with this bullshit and I really still want to enjoy my life before they wheel me off to the old folks home.

OK, I feel a little better now, thanks for letting me rant .
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06-02-2014, 04:21 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
Hugs to you.

People don't realize what comes with being a caregiver for someone in your wife's condition unless they have been through it. It is very good that you have hospice helping out some. I wish I had some wonderful advice or a solution for you, but I don't.

It does say that you are a standup guy and I admire that.

Vent when you need to...we all need to now and then.
A

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude.
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06-02-2014, 04:28 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
Thanks, Anjele. I dont think there are any words of wisdom that anyone can bestow on me at this time..... things just suck, and thats life. Hugs always appreciated tho.
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06-02-2014, 04:31 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
That really does suck, I'm so sorry Hug
I second what Anj said. Not much to say, but come here to vent anytime
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06-02-2014, 04:33 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
So very sorry to hear about this. Each of us can only take so much without a break, and when you're driven down like this it makes everything seem worse and makes things affect you more quickly than if you were rested and in a more normal state with more normal energy.

I wish there were some sort of wise words I could say or some sort of sage advice. This going to sound waaaaay corny, but in the words of Journey "Be good to yourself when nobody else will". If you can possibly find any time, a few minutes, a half hour, any time at all to decompress and take care of YOU, grab at that time, clutch it, and use it.

And in the meantime, vent anytime. Everybody needs an ear or a shoulder sometimes.
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06-02-2014, 04:35 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
Sounds super tough! Myself, if I were needing to be taken care of long term, I would want to be in a helping home and would never want a loved one to be held so restrictively like that. Is that not an option? It's important to have good care, of course, but it's also important to still be able to live one's own only life, too. 60 is young, sorry to hear your wife succumb to dementia.
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06-02-2014, 04:51 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
Just sending a billion thoughts. I wish I could do more to help. It's just gotta be difficult and frustrating. Is there anyway you could get a respite?

Hug


When tears are in your eyes and you can't find the way
It's hard to make believe you're happy when you're gray
Baby, when you're feelin' like you'll never see the mornin' light
Come to me..Baby, you'll see -- The Four Seasons

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06-02-2014, 04:57 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
That's sad (for her and you) and really not fair on you.
I watched my good friends mum decline into dementia and it hasn't been a great ride. He went from loving her to hating her (as she would get violent and swear at him and his dad). Not long ago she went into a nursing home as she was just too much for her husband to take care of anymore.
It's a horrible disease. It was so frightening for her in the beginning as when she was lucid she'd know her mind was going.
Hug to you.

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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06-02-2014, 04:58 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
(06-02-2014 04:17 PM)War Horse Wrote:  Goddamnit, I'm so fucking tired of taking care of a 60yo women with dementia that I feel like packing up my bike with a few things and hauling ass to where ever.

Its been 2+ years of surgeries and almost dying (with her) so many times, that I dont even have any feelings anymore... let the cards fall where they may.

Recently, going through old photos (27 years of marriage), I see the love I once had for my wife, I still care, but I really kind of hate her now.
I sit here 24/7 just to take care of her every need and cant leave her alone for any real amount of time, because she might burn the house down or hurt herself.

We've gotten Hospice invovled and they have given us a nurse that comes in for 8 hours on Saturday so I can get out and enjoy a few hours away, but the dread in my stomach comming back home is a nightmare in itself.

I know I should be taking care of myself or I wont be of any help for her, but I'm just plain ass worn out, and wish it would all just end.

Unless youve been through this, its a bit hard to relate, and I'm just kind of venting for whats left of my sanity.

Might also be why I come off a bit strange in here on some posts,I've always been a strong minded person and not prone to giving up, but I swear, I'm getting to a breaking point.

I feel like I still have a few good years left in me, and they're dwindling down with this bullshit and I really still want to enjoy my life before they wheel me off to the old folks home.

OK, I feel a little better now, thanks for letting me rant .

Oh, do I ever relate. I took care of my husband for 2 years before he passed, and he was at death's door a few times with multiple surgeries. They finally sent him home as they could do nothing else for him - and he was in a guarded state at home. I had barely any sleep for those two years and I was a wreck.

The stress was incredible - although it was better at home than at the hospital, which was out of town and I could not even get on my computer then or anything.

I bet it's twice as hard with dementia in the picture - my husband was lucid and could express his love and appreciation.

More similarities - we were married for 27 years too.

Hard, very hard, to the breaking point. I sooo relate to you.

Some factual questions: Is the dementia the only issue now? What were the surgeries? You have hospice - does that mean they are not expecting her to live long? Can you get additional help? Have you looked into that?

I so feel for you....Hug

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06-02-2014, 04:59 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
I haven't been through it but It's not hard to understand anguish. Nothing I say can really ease your pain--so genuinely sorry.

Long term caregiving often results in the feelings you now have for someone you no longer recognize but used to love, and many caregivers see death as a relief. Many feel guilt over these overwhelming, seemingly negative emotions, but they are very normal. You may already know this; but if you don't, you are not alone in the way you feel.

You don't sound whinny; you sound devastated.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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