I just feel like whining
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07-02-2014, 10:02 AM
RE: I just feel like whining
(07-02-2014 09:20 AM)War Horse Wrote:  I'm back !

Yup, the mad dash , for sure.

I'm about all read out..... been spending most of my time on the puter and about all caught up on youtube and all the atheist stuff, I do enjoy the stand up comedy routines and some old music videos..... but theres only so much out there (that I enjoy).

It feels as though I've just lost interest in everything and dont even seem to care... wierd. I used to have OCD when it came to my hobbies, the house, yard and so on, but now, POOF ! all gone. Seems I fly off the handle at the drop of a hat too, I'll be seeing my doctor about that in a few weeks.... maybe some happy pills are in order.

I'm sure I'll get it back when everything is said and done.... I hope.

It's stress and repressed emotions. Your brain represses all emotions or you couldn't function now. You are not aware of them at all. They will only ever pop up when the situation is over, and then it will take a bit. That's why you can't feel the love for her anymore either. It hasn't really gone away, it would just make the situation unbearable to feel it now.

The inability to focus is because of the stress, and irritability is the only emotion that surfaces, a way to let off steam. It's ok. Everyone going through this has these issues. It's not you. It's the situation. It will resolve itself when the situation passes.

Re. the Alzheimer association, did you contact the closest one even if far away? They sometimes have local volunteers in places where a larger presence is not possible...

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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07-02-2014, 10:32 AM
RE: I just feel like whining
(07-02-2014 09:53 AM)War Horse Wrote:  
(07-02-2014 09:30 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  World's a funny place isn't it?
Since a home is out of the question, do you have some family or friends that help? You need your time off as well, I'm sure there's someone that could help you out a little more?

Ryan, I wish there was some help, her family is useless and we really dont have any friends, except for one of mine and thats more of a riding buddy that has a life and problems of his own.

I've become more and more of a lone wolf in the past 4 years, so thats kind of my own fault.

Oh man that sucks. Are there any charities or something along those lines to help?
(once again, speaking out of my ass, just trying to come up with something)
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07-02-2014, 10:37 AM
RE: I just feel like whining
We do have the Hospice that, whatever the ins. wont pay for is covered. We have an aid that comes twice a week for 1 hour each and the nurse for 8 hours on Saturday's.

The volunteers they offer, are strickly 'hands off' .

Thats the rough part also, that we cant get help with the house cleaning, unless you use one their referals, and those are expensive to hire.

I dont mind doing the laundry, dishes, shopping and all the other stuff, but house cleaning is just to much for me. I've got a bad back,knees and a torn right rotator cuff.

Plus the wife is like a 2 year old with food and drinks, the minute I clean part of the floor or counter tops, she spills shit everywhere.

I'm gettin to old for this.... Hobo Weeping
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07-02-2014, 10:45 AM
RE: I just feel like whining
(07-02-2014 10:37 AM)War Horse Wrote:  We do have the Hospice that, whatever the ins. wont pay for is covered. We have an aid that comes twice a week for 1 hour each and the nurse for 8 hours on Saturday's.

The volunteers they offer, are strickly 'hands off' .

Thats the rough part also, that we cant get help with the house cleaning, unless you use one their referals, and those are expensive to hire.

I dont mind doing the laundry, dishes, shopping and all the other stuff, but house cleaning is just to much for me. I've got a bad back,knees and a torn right rotator cuff.

Plus the wife is like a 2 year old with food and drinks, the minute I clean part of the floor or counter tops, she spills shit everywhere.

I'm gettin to old for this.... Hobo Weeping

May I ask where you live? I'll see if I can look up something if you're interested. (just state/county [assuming you're in the US], don't need your whole address Tongue)
Two minds are better than one right? Smile
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07-02-2014, 11:08 AM
RE: I just feel like whining
(07-02-2014 10:45 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(07-02-2014 10:37 AM)War Horse Wrote:  We do have the Hospice that, whatever the ins. wont pay for is covered. We have an aid that comes twice a week for 1 hour each and the nurse for 8 hours on Saturday's.

The volunteers they offer, are strickly 'hands off' .

Thats the rough part also, that we cant get help with the house cleaning, unless you use one their referals, and those are expensive to hire.

I dont mind doing the laundry, dishes, shopping and all the other stuff, but house cleaning is just to much for me. I've got a bad back,knees and a torn right rotator cuff.

Plus the wife is like a 2 year old with food and drinks, the minute I clean part of the floor or counter tops, she spills shit everywhere.

I'm gettin to old for this.... Hobo Weeping

May I ask where you live? I'll see if I can look up something if you're interested. (just state/county [assuming you're in the US], don't need your whole address Tongue)
Two minds are better than one right? Smile

Thanks Ryan, I'll shoot you a PM.
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09-02-2014, 03:44 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
Just wanted to chime in to this to add my condolences/solidarity/encouragement. Which ever one you need at the time.

I hope things are well. I see in another post you got some motorcycle riding in today. Good times.
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09-02-2014, 04:01 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
(09-02-2014 03:44 PM)Regular_Joe Wrote:  Just wanted to chime in to this to add my condolences/solidarity/encouragement. Which ever one you need at the time.

I hope things are well. I see in another post you got some motorcycle riding in today. Good times.

Thank you Joe. Thumbsup

I over did the fun a bit today, but manged to get home just fine Cool and by now have gotten pretty shitfaced. I have a real good stock of beer in the fridge here.

Luckily I'm a pro at this by now.... Angel
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16-02-2014, 04:25 PM
RE: I just feel like whining
glad to hear you had time for fun.

I wish I could send more than well wishes on a computer screen, but I hope they help just the same.

A thought I had while reading this thread was one of finances. Have you talked to someone or done research on how her death will affect your assets, accounts, taxes, inheritances, etc. Each state is different. And banks have to follow certain rules. When my mother passed away, all funds in the joint account with my dad, half was considered hers and he might have had to pay tax on it. If he would have just closed the account and opened a singular one, or just left it with a dollar in it, then they treat it differently.

Since each locale has different rules, look into it. Some changes might be easier while you can still get her to sign papers.

Be sure to ask how the sale of your house after will taxed too. They look at the value at the time she passes, etc. Talk to a professional about it.

sending hugs!


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17-02-2014, 06:17 AM
RE: I just feel like whining
(16-02-2014 04:25 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  glad to hear you had time for fun.

I wish I could send more than well wishes on a computer screen, but I hope they help just the same.

A thought I had while reading this thread was one of finances. Have you talked to someone or done research on how her death will affect your assets, accounts, taxes, inheritances, etc. Each state is different. And banks have to follow certain rules. When my mother passed away, all funds in the joint account with my dad, half was considered hers and he might have had to pay tax on it. If he would have just closed the account and opened a singular one, or just left it with a dollar in it, then they treat it differently.

Since each locale has different rules, look into it. Some changes might be easier while you can still get her to sign papers.

Be sure to ask how the sale of your house after will taxed too. They look at the value at the time she passes, etc. Talk to a professional about it.

sending hugs!

Thanks Bows, thats certainly some good advice. Thumbsup

I already got a durable power of attorney, about a year and ahalf ago. I knew that it could be contested if she signed anything as her mind worsend.

All other assets are listed with an "or" between our names, except for the house, which required a "and" .

Our will states that if one should die, the other ones gets everything.
I not so worried, her sisters and daughter have already been told to come get whatever personal things they would want now. If I find anything elses at a later date, they are welcome to it. Bank assests arent enough to worry about either, I only keep a small amount in the joint acc. anyway.

I think that I'm pretty well covered and at current, trying to lighten the load. As a matter of fact, I sold the 20' enclosed trailer last weekend, so thats out of my hair. Next is all the shop equipment........ amazing all the shit you acquire over a 27 year marriage. Ohmy

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17-02-2014, 07:25 AM (This post was last modified: 17-02-2014 07:38 AM by Cathym112.)
RE: I just feel like whining
(06-02-2014 04:17 PM)War Horse Wrote:  Goddamnit, I'm so fucking tired of taking care of a 60yo women with dementia that I feel like packing up my bike with a few things and hauling ass to where ever.

Its been 2+ years of surgeries and almost dying (with her) so many times, that I dont even have any feelings anymore... let the cards fall where they may.

Recently, going through old photos (27 years of marriage), I see the love I once had for my wife, I still care, but I really kind of hate her now.
I sit here 24/7 just to take care of her every need and cant leave her alone for any real amount of time, because she might burn the house down or hurt herself.

We've gotten Hospice invovled and they have given us a nurse that comes in for 8 hours on Saturday so I can get out and enjoy a few hours away, but the dread in my stomach comming back home is a nightmare in itself.

I know I should be taking care of myself or I wont be of any help for her, but I'm just plain ass worn out, and wish it would all just end.

Unless youve been through this, its a bit hard to relate, and I'm just kind of venting for whats left of my sanity.

Might also be why I come off a bit strange in here on some posts,I've always been a strong minded person and not prone to giving up, but I swear, I'm getting to a breaking point.

I feel like I still have a few good years left in me, and they're dwindling down with this bullshit and I really still want to enjoy my life before they wheel me off to the old folks home.

OK, I feel a little better now, thanks for letting me rant .


Oh I'm all too familiar with this. I am so sorry. It's perfectly natural to hate her, to resent her. Grandpa lived with us for awhile during childhood. Living with someone like that is infuriating. It's no wonder so many Alzheimer's and demenia patients are abused. The frustration just bubbles over.

Your wife is dead and I'm so sorry you are left to care for her shell.

I strongly urge you to get out more than once a week. I've always told my husband that if I ever get this, to leave pills that I would take "accidentally". I would never want to live like that.

This country seriously needs to get a grip with end of life care. Your wife is not living. She is merely existing.

I am so sorry.

Eventually my grandpa got sick from us kids bringing home germs. My dad simply refused to prescribe him any medicine. What for? He was non speaking, just stared off into the distance. In NY, this fell under the protection of the DNR order my mother signed.

I would seek a lawyer about what is covered in your state under a DNR.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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