I just got an ear full
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22-05-2012, 07:29 AM
I just got an ear full
I've been in a sad mood lately from thinking about my grandmother who died a few years back. I go through these sad thoughts sometimes and just get really down. My grandmother was the one who raised me and her death was something that hit me hard.
I was sitting in my livingroom yesterday when I got a call from my dad. He could tell something was wrong with me and proceeded to ask me what is wrong. I went on to tell him how I felt and ,oh boy, didn't I make a mistake. My dad can lecture someone longer than anyone I know. He'll talk about it for hours it seems. He starts by telling me "ok, you're sad about something only God has control of. Don't you realize God has a bigger picture in store?" My response was:"Well if god is waiting for the big picture then isn't this life pretty pointless? I mean why didn't God just start with the big picture if he knows what'll happen anyways? He wouldn't of had to waste all of this time on the suffering of the world." Of course I get "you can't question God! Can you make a whole universe?! Can you create what god created?! If I asked you to go out there and make a tree, could you do it?! No, you wouldn't know where to begin. I know a tree comes from the earth but god made the the earth." I was sitting there about to bang my head on the wall about this time. I thought it was over(after a good 30 mins) when he went on to say: " you're never going to be truly happy until you become totally submissive to God. When ,and only when, you do that you'll find true happiness. You have to be submissive and let God know that you understand no matter what, he's right. No matter what goes on wrong in your life, God is right and he sees the big picture. Who are you to question the almighty? Who are you to question his wisdom and power?" I was about to hang up on him when he then got another call and let me go.
My dad's every solution is to bow before God and he'll lead you. Urghhhh!!! I'm sorry I'm ranting about this but I just needed to get that out and this seems the best place to do that. Where I live(East Texas) they're not many people who would see it from my point of view. Okay now I feel better Big Grin
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22-05-2012, 07:45 AM (This post was last modified: 22-05-2012 08:08 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: I just got an ear full
Take a "vacation". 110 % distract yourself. Use "danger". Change your "pattern". If you've never "been to Ireland, go to Ireland". When you "come back", everything looks different. I literally lost my mind when my granny died. Time heals all.

edit : Ok so distract yourself AFTER you read Anjele's wisdom Smile

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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22-05-2012, 07:48 AM
RE: I just got an ear full
Losing someone that was important to you hurts. It even hurts when you are a believer...I mean really...wakes and funerals and scenes at cemeteries. Where else do you see so many tears?

Even as time goes by and a loss isn't on your mind 24/7 there are triggers that bring the hurt back to the surface. Your feelings are your feelings and you have a right to them.

I doubt you are going to change your father's mind and perhaps he thinks he is helping. If he starts on another rant, before you let it get to you...say someone's at the door, that you have to go somewhere, someone else is calling in...find a reason to get off the phone and to not let yourself be treated that way.

I am sorry you are feeling sad right now, she must have been very important in your life.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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22-05-2012, 01:25 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
I have a plethora of shows, books and games that you can use to distract yourself if you so desire.

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Twice the anger, Half the space!
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22-05-2012, 02:35 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
Oh BigCat - I'm sorry you've lost your Gran... they are usually the toughest... sadness of their loss seems to linger. Nothing you can do will bring them back. It is what it is.


I don't think it's a bad thing to mourn at all. If you are concerned that it's gone on a bit long or think you might need some help, your reasoning mind will get you to a shrink. People grieve at different rates and in different ways. You are completely entitled to your feelings.

It's to bad your Dad is insensitive to your personal process of grief. If he seems resentful toward your seemingly lengthy sadness, it may be because he had no control over his own sadness and emotions of loss. He gave his feelings over to something that doesn't exist.

His resentment and anger is misdirected. He would do well to resent the thing that has relieved him of his right to grieve properly. Instead, it's obvious he's trying to get you to do what he did; don't be sad, be happy, deny your feelings. There is no way that is healthy.


Given his "God fog", it's possible your Dad has very little or few close, positive memories of your Gran and your relationship to her. Maybe he's missed out on a lot of life because he's given most of his life up to irrelevance. Sounds like a shitty situation, but phones have been known to accidentally hang up. Shy


You might find that just hanging out here can be supportive and comforting. Feel free to come here more often and just read, toss out a comment, or rant like a fool... whatever you need to do. Just touch base; we like knowing you're out there. Yes

Here, we are all different... but we're also all in the same human boat. And there's no God at the helm steering us to la-la land. Wink

Keep healthy, eat well, get enough sleep.
Take care.

And screen your goddamn calls! Thumbsup

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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22-05-2012, 03:27 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
(22-05-2012 07:29 AM)bigcatlover2000 Wrote:  I've been in a sad mood lately from thinking about my grandmother who died a few years back. I go through these sad thoughts sometimes and just get really down. My grandmother was the one who raised me and her death was something that hit me hard.
I was sitting in my livingroom yesterday when I got a call from my dad. He could tell something was wrong with me and proceeded to ask me what is wrong. I went on to tell him how I felt and ,oh boy, didn't I make a mistake. My dad can lecture someone longer than anyone I know. He'll talk about it for hours it seems. He starts by telling me "ok, you're sad about something only God has control of. Don't you realize God has a bigger picture in store?" My response was:"Well if god is waiting for the big picture then isn't this life pretty pointless? I mean why didn't God just start with the big picture if he knows what'll happen anyways? He wouldn't of had to waste all of this time on the suffering of the world." Of course I get "you can't question God! Can you make a whole universe?! Can you create what god created?! If I asked you to go out there and make a tree, could you do it?! No, you wouldn't know where to begin. I know a tree comes from the earth but god made the the earth." I was sitting there about to bang my head on the wall about this time. I thought it was over(after a good 30 mins) when he went on to say: " you're never going to be truly happy until you become totally submissive to God. When ,and only when, you do that you'll find true happiness. You have to be submissive and let God know that you understand no matter what, he's right. No matter what goes on wrong in your life, God is right and he sees the big picture. Who are you to question the almighty? Who are you to question his wisdom and power?" I was about to hang up on him when he then got another call and let me go.
My dad's every solution is to bow before God and he'll lead you. Urghhhh!!! I'm sorry I'm ranting about this but I just needed to get that out and this seems the best place to do that. Where I live(East Texas) they're not many people who would see it from my point of view. Okay now I feel better Big Grin
No, you're right to be mad about that. Your dad is just using all the arguments out of the Book of Job, which IMO is the absolute dumbest book of the Bible - and that's saying a lot!

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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22-05-2012, 04:53 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
I lost my grandfather about 3 years ago and it still hits me every once in awhile. For awhile I tried to run away from it and just push the hurt aside. I knew my mother was hurting even worse and I didn't want her to know how much it was bothering me. I've learned to embrace it now. Sure, it hurts for awhile and I miss him so very much, but I just look back at all the positive memories.

As for your father....you shouldn't be treated like that. Its not right. However, its likely he will never change unfortunately. Anjele is right. If he starts in again find a reason to get off the phone.
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22-05-2012, 05:10 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
(22-05-2012 07:29 AM)bigcatlover2000 Wrote:  ... " you're never going to be truly happy until you become totally submissive to God. When ,and only when, you do that you'll find true happiness. You have to be submissive and let God know that you understand no matter what, he's right."

Shit like this makes me think that Marx and Lenin at least got something right. Religion is the opium for the people.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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22-05-2012, 05:13 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
You may be suffering from prolonged grief.
I'm not going to advocate for this particular site; while I havent been on it before, it is an easy read, and may be a good start for you and your primary care doctor to discuss.
http://www.grief-healing-support.com/com...grief.html
I am not trying to simply medicalize your issue - it is just that having significant depression months/years after a loss is hard and there is help.

Your beliefs do not make you a better person, your behavior does.
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22-05-2012, 06:06 PM
RE: I just got an ear full
(22-05-2012 07:29 AM)bigcatlover2000 Wrote:  I've been in a sad mood lately from thinking about my grandmother who died a few years back. I go through these sad thoughts sometimes and just get really down. My grandmother was the one who raised me and her death was something that hit me hard.
I was sitting in my livingroom yesterday when I got a call from my dad. He could tell something was wrong with me and proceeded to ask me what is wrong. I went on to tell him how I felt and ,oh boy, didn't I make a mistake. My dad can lecture someone longer than anyone I know. He'll talk about it for hours it seems. He starts by telling me "ok, you're sad about something only God has control of. Don't you realize God has a bigger picture in store?" My response was:"Well if god is waiting for the big picture then isn't this life pretty pointless? I mean why didn't God just start with the big picture if he knows what'll happen anyways? He wouldn't of had to waste all of this time on the suffering of the world." Of course I get "you can't question God! Can you make a whole universe?! Can you create what god created?! If I asked you to go out there and make a tree, could you do it?! No, you wouldn't know where to begin. I know a tree comes from the earth but god made the the earth." I was sitting there about to bang my head on the wall about this time. I thought it was over(after a good 30 mins) when he went on to say: " you're never going to be truly happy until you become totally submissive to God. When ,and only when, you do that you'll find true happiness. You have to be submissive and let God know that you understand no matter what, he's right. No matter what goes on wrong in your life, God is right and he sees the big picture. Who are you to question the almighty? Who are you to question his wisdom and power?" I was about to hang up on him when he then got another call and let me go.
My dad's every solution is to bow before God and he'll lead you. Urghhhh!!! I'm sorry I'm ranting about this but I just needed to get that out and this seems the best place to do that. Where I live(East Texas) they're not many people who would see it from my point of view. Okay now I feel better Big Grin

Sorry to hear about your loss. As someone who's lost all his grandparents and also his parents (it comes with the territory when you get older), I can relate very directly to what you're feeling.

As for your dad, I obviously don't know what your relationship is with him, but i wonder if you might be reacting too harshly to what he said. Only you know if this feels right, but could it be that he loves you, realized you're hurting, and offered you the only thing he knows to make it hurt less? Granted he went about it in an inappropriate and insensitive way, but maybe his motives were good.

Some people use religion as a drug, the way others use alcohol and heroin (per the Lenin quote GirlyMan gave above)--it deadens your senses and makes you numb to your suffering and the suffering of others. Maybe it's true that religious people really are happier--I don't know. But even if they are, it doesn't matter: mindless happiness is not the point of life.

Time may not be a healer, but it does help lessen the acute pain you're feeling now. In time you'll be able to put the events of the immediate past in their proper place and bring the happy memories you have of your grandmother to the forefront. Hang in there.

Religious disputes are like arguments in a madhouse over which inmate really is Napoleon.
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