I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
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31-10-2013, 05:04 PM
I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I've had a pretty shit life for the past 3 years or so. Obviously I mean in comparison to the average standards for people living in the developed world, there are many people with far worse lives.

I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

I joke to myself that usually by this point people will turn to Jesus, but being a strong atheist I am obviously never going to do such a thing.

Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoroeau

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31-10-2013, 05:16 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I'm sure others here will have more and better advice than I do, but I've always stood by the philosophy that if you don't like something about your life, then change it. I see that you're ready to do so.

One step at a time. First I'd suggest exercise. It'll do wonders not only for your health, but your mind also. I don't much anymore, but when I use to go running everyday I loved the time that I had for undistracted thought. I could focus better, and tended to not let my mind revert to wallowing but to really think.

Meditation might also help you center yourself. You're still young, so keep in mind that your life will change. It's up to you to make sure those changes happen for the better.

I'd post more, but my kid is raring to go trick or treating. Like I said, others here will have better advice. Good luck kid, you know we're all rooting for ya.

"It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”
― نجيب محفوظ, Sugar Street
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31-10-2013, 05:31 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Walk somewhere new each day. See a doctor about depression.
Just talking about it will diffuse some anxiety.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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31-10-2013, 05:33 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
When you feel the way you indicate it is extremely difficult to motivate yourself out of where you are at.

(1) Anti depressants may help, if you can find the right one that suits you.
This may motivate you enough to look at other means of recovery.
(2) C.B.T. or cognitive behavioural therapy, in conjunction with or without anti depressants, may help also.
(3) As for atheism, some atheists confuse belief in specific gods sAngel with spirituality.I don't see this as the case. There are religions besides Christianity, and Buddhism for example is held by many as atheistic. No need to throw the baby out with the bath water.Wink

All good wishes!
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31-10-2013, 05:42 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Come here for support when you need it my friend, this group is awesome!

I also suggest regular exercise, it can boost endorphins, which mak you feel great. Plus it could help with any weight issue you may have plus the added bonus of giving you more confidence.

Socially, I suggest trying to find an atheist group in your area that meets regularly. I know this sounds TERRIFYING, I'm also socially awkward and at times quite a bit anti-social. I really think connecting with some like-minded folks could be really great for you! I did a quick google search, try this site http://atheists.meetup.com/

Don't be afraid to try seeing a therapist, they can help you figure out if you just need to take steps like ones I've mentioned, or if you also need antidepressants due to an actual chemical imbalance. It's not that scary, and sometimes even just a few sessions REALLY help.

And like I said, whenever you are feeling especially down, come here to vent, or to get a good laugh, plenty of that going on here!

We've never met, but I wish you all the best! Thumbsup Hug
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31-10-2013, 06:44 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Find yourself some nerd/geek friends, they'll understand about your social anxiety and while you'll probably still have it at first, it will help to actually practice being around other people to overcome it.

And do something about your body, nothing too fantastic at first, start slow, set one big goal long term but focus on small short term things you can easily get. That way you'll feel better in your body and it will make things easier, and being healthier will make your head work better, it will also help forge some self discipline you can later use in other harder stuff.

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31-10-2013, 08:56 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

At 21 you are still young. You will have to "write-off" your adolescence and teenage years, there is nothing you can do to re-live those. There is not much point in looking back except if it is to try and gain understanding. If your social anxiety is impacting your life then it sounds like you need to obtain some professional help. A continuation of the avoidance behaviour will generally tend to make the anxiety harder to treat. If social anxiety is the root cause of your social isolation then its remediation will begin to address that. You can still have fun experiences.

Quote:I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation.

Is this a separate problem or is it an aspect of the dejection you described above? Is it because you can't see the point of academic success and physical fitness if you don't have friends and can't get laid? If so that is understandable but if the root cause is the social anxiety then addressing that will help this too. But aside from that you shouldn't make a bad situation worse. If you want to get laid then you shouldn't make that harder to achieve by allowing yourself to become overweight or obese. If completing your diploma/degree will help you get a better job then you want to do that because a better job with a better income will multiply your options.

Quote:I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

Is your lack of self-confidence based in fact? Do you always feel like this or does this occur only when your mood is low? It sounds like you have depression and your feelings of incompetence may be more a symptom of the depression rather an a sober appraisal of your abilities. I don't know enough about you to know which is the case.

Quote:Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

You have social anxiety and it looks like you may also be depressed (the thoughts about death suggest that). If you are feeling overwhelmed then you probably should obtain professional help. You are only 21 so I think you have plenty of time to fix things. The starting point usually is the root cause. If all of this stems from an anxiety disorder then that is the natural place to start. If you are depressed your depression may be largely exogenous--a response to your isolation and alienation--rather than be purely biological and it will consequently lift when your social integration improves. Only a mental health professional engaging you face-to-face can clarify these issues.
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31-10-2013, 11:34 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Yep good advice so far.

You have so much time.

Try to find an exercise you can do for 30 minutes a day, minimum heart rate of 120 BPM to start.
Try to focus on one area of improvement at a time to really focus on it.
Find subjects at school you can really get excited about and dig into them.
See a professional therapist about social anxiety and start with people that have similar interests as you. Start with people of your own gender - making conversation, being social, before you try to start getting dates. The Game by Neil Strauss is a good read about the opposite sex and has helped lots of shy guys.

If you are poor from being a college student raid the local Goodwill for some "cool" clothes that will help you express your style. If possible, find someone who will go with you and help you find what looks cool.

Last, meditate. Breath Meditation. It helps calm the little voices in your head. You might also want to listen to the Podcast "Happiness through Self-Awareness" by Gary Van Warmerdam. Powerful stuff. Good luck and study hard!! School can help your future happiness.

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
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01-11-2013, 02:44 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
"Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it. "

1) This is MOST important: realize that you don't need x,y,z in your life in order to be happy. Happiness should come regardless of circumstances. Decide to be happy RIGHT NOW!

2) Realize that goals are always a work in progress. It's going to take time. Nothing is overnight.

3) Realize that goals can be prioritized. Attack the most important few now. Leave the others for later.

4) Realize that it happens when you take it a day at a time. Sometimes even a moment at a time.

5) If you are feeling overwhelmed it just means that you have not educated yourself enough on what steps you can take to get there. For instance, you can't just go out and make new friends. You have to go to places where people meet up on a regular basis first. You can't just lose twenty pounds. You have to educate yourself on what good nutrition is and what kind of exercises to do.

6) Finally, realize that change is only about forming new habits and to form new habits you must start practicing every day working toward your goal. You don't have to be perfect right off the bat (see #2 above)
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01-11-2013, 08:59 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Kpax has good suggestions. I know this feeling you're talking about. I was there around your age after ending an abusive relationship and getting laid off from a good job (in a small town where good jobs are reserved for people with connections). It was awful. I had no energy or motivation. My house could have burned down around me and I don't think I would have cared. I want to reemphasize what Kpax said about taking it one day at a time. Find little things that you can change daily. Don't try to fix everything in an instant. This will only lead to disappointment and an even worse feeling. Baby steps. Try to reach out to people at school. Try to tackle things as early as possible instead of procrastinating. Putting things off always leads to stress and a feeling of failure. If you can prioritize your tasks and complete them in a timely manner, then you will have a little time afterwards to regroup and relax. This time is important for us socially inept folks and will do you more good if you're in a good frame of mind, feeling accomplished and not weighed down by tasks left unfinished.

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it- not even if I have said it- unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - Buddha
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