I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
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01-11-2013, 09:09 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I've had a pretty shit life for the past 3 years or so. Obviously I mean in comparison to the average standards for people living in the developed world, there are many people with far worse lives.

I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

I joke to myself that usually by this point people will turn to Jesus, but being a strong atheist I am obviously never going to do such a thing.

Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

OK Kid....(yes I can legally call you kid - no disrespect - as I am more than 3 times older than you.) I like your screen name - Logical Atheist!

Let's see....how to get out of the doldrums. I've read the responses so far, and in the main I would agree with them. But as one who's "been in your shoes" so to speak, most of the suggestions require some pretty big changes you would have to make. Exercise, seek a therapist, go to places where you can meet people, etc. Not easy to do when you feel as you do.

So....what section of the country are you inhabiting at present? I ask because if you're "up north" as I am, you're about to go into a cold dark winter...not an easy time to keep a "sunny" disposition. Therefore, some suggestions:
1. Is there a decent (not school) public library near you? If so, go to it and find some books you like. Sit there in the quiet and read a bit.
2. If you're up north, go to Walmart or a drug store and pick up some Vit D-3 (2000 mg). It takes the place of sunlight.
3. I assume you have access to internet at home. If so, have you Netflix? If not, sign up ($9/mo) and find some movies you like and watch them. Write back and tell me why you like them - specifically!
4. Probably won't help me saying this, but as I am way closer to the end than the beginning, I can truthfully say that at 21, you are no where near "the lowest" (or the highest) point in your life. There's way more to come. And you're really gonna like some of it.
5. You didn't mention what the course was you were having trouble with, nor at what point you were in school. That would help if I knew.

Write me back and we'll kick some other ideas around.

"People don't go to heaven when they die; they're taken to a special room and burned!" Evil_monster
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01-11-2013, 09:31 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
All excellent suggestions!

You sound like you need, and want, change. Pick any of the things you mention and/or any of the suggestions made and just start. It's going to take some time but you have to start.

Keep us posted.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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01-11-2013, 01:06 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Thank you so much for all the advice I've received so far, and the speed of responses, its been very useful to read! The advice you have given me is very good, and I am going to use it, right now I am making a plan of what to focus on, I have come up with 3 main areas I need to tackle to get the best improvement:

1. Overcoming my social anxiety
2. Consistent exercise
3. Making a determined effort on getting my university degree

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoroeau

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01-11-2013, 03:21 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(01-11-2013 01:06 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Thank you so much for all the advice I've received so far, and the speed of responses, its been very useful to read! The advice you have given me is very good, and I am going to use it, right now I am making a plan of what to focus on, I have come up with 3 main areas I need to tackle to get the best improvement:

1. Overcoming my social anxiety
2. Consistent exercise
3. Making a determined effort on getting my university degree
Hello! There are many people here similar to you and I'd count myself among them. In such cases the first thing I recommend is to check if you have Asperger's syndrome. That changes nothing in your situation, but it will help you understand it. When it comes to social anxiety, AS makes it more difficult to navigate around people. A bit slower remembering of names and faces and putting them together (sometimes a problem with eye contact or a flat voice tone), lower tolerance to noise and crowds, more living inside your head, so people's ideas might be more real to you than the meatbags. Also, you might be less coordinated and clumsy at some sports, especially group sports. If you have such problems, you'll know none of them is your fault and that you have to work on them slowly. It's a long run. Also, you might greatly benefit from all the written and video material made to help people with AS.

The good thing is, people with such problems are all over history books, they became known through their intellectual powers, self-reliance and pushing against the illogical social norms. Some of America's founding fathers were such people and so was Alexis de Tocqueville, another contributor, also Auguste Comte, the inventor of sociology. Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Bill Gates and countless others.

Take it like a fantasy RPG game. You picked the mage character, so the early levels are difficult, but once you level up, your powers will be much greater against the bosses, than those who picked the muscle types. However, the early levels are best for rounding out the stats and you'll need some strength and charisma to get about.
Good luck! Wink (to me too)
Btw, every mage character should spend a lot of time meditating. It's a class requirement!

If you claim there are nuances to principles, there are no nuances to getting arrested or shot for disobeying the power.
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01-11-2013, 03:54 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(01-11-2013 03:21 PM)Luminon Wrote:  Take it like a fantasy RPG game. You picked the mage character, so the early levels are difficult, but once you level up, your powers will be much greater against the bosses, than those who picked the muscle types. However, the early levels are best for rounding out the stats and you'll need some strength and charisma to get about.

Speaking of that:



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01-11-2013, 04:19 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(01-11-2013 08:59 AM)Ohio Sky Wrote:  I want to reemphasize what Kpax said about taking it one day at a time. Find little things that you can change daily. Don't try to fix everything in an instant. This will only lead to disappointment and an even worse feeling. Baby steps.

Good good good. I've tried tackling too much at once, and it is very defeating, setting yourself up to fail. Agreed, small baby steps.
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01-11-2013, 04:40 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I have nothing to add, but I wanted to wish you all the best and please keep us all posted.

Hug


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Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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02-11-2013, 12:10 AM (This post was last modified: 02-11-2013 12:14 AM by Logisch.)
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I can relate to a lot of this. I guess I'll respond to each bit.

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I've had a pretty shit life for the past 3 years or so. Obviously I mean in comparison to the average standards for people living in the developed world, there are many people with far worse lives.

I used to tell myself this all the time. I agree with you. Yes, there are people who live worse lives than you. However, do not let this keep you from striving to achieve great things and reach for what matters to you in life. Always be appreciative of what you have, of course. But don't let it guilt trip you into feeling bad for enjoying life. I let this get to me for a very long time, especially when people say, "Well you should just be content with A, B and C. Why can't you be happy with that?" but I'm not like that. I have dreams, aspirations, things I want to do. Places I want to go, things I want to be, dreams. If people want to be content with their lives and sit still doing the same shit day after day? Let them. It does not mean you have to. I see people who work and spend 40 years of their lives, retire, and go watch reruns of matlock. What the hell kind of shit is that? Who does that? Would you really want to work your whole life only to spend your last remaining years watching shitty tv shows? Hell dude, you're a piece of the universe, go experience it! AND DON'T FEEL BAD FOR IT! You'll never get to again!

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

I can recall a time in my life where I felt like that. I might sound old in saying this, but I'm under 30. I've been through a divorce and it was in a time in my life where I was really having a hard time finding myself. To top this off, take someone I had been friends with for 8 years and married who cheated on me, left me alone. I had not really any friends at that time in my life, and just a shitty job that I hated. I recall waking up to an empty side of the bed every morning, seeing her vehicle parked at the neighbors house. I'd get in my car, go to the job I hated, and remember thinking.... "there has to be better shit than this. I hope it gets better because fuck this shit."

Pile legal papers on top of that, losing half of everything I owned... wasn't the best time in my life. Went through an alcoholic phase as well, that sucked.

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

Social anxiety is tough to deal with. I have no issues chatting with people online or talking online. It's different one on one, that doesn't bother me. But get me into a group of people and I feel like I'm sweating from the inside out ready to have a panic attack. My wife says, "I can't tell, you seem like you do fine to me!" but that's because I'm good at putting on a straight face even if I'm freaking the fuck out on the inside. Sometimes I'm ok if it's a group of people I know. But I do not like being in busy public places, it doesn't bode well with me. I've learned to deal with it more and more by forcing myself to go out and just making it a goal to be nice and say hi to someone, or just go walk around in a place with people and it helps a lot with time. Although if you feel it is a disorder, a therapist may help a lot. Don't be afraid of them as they are there to help. Some people feel like such a thing makes you "a freak" or "a shitty person" or "not normal" but everyone has something I think they could use help with.

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

In recent years I've been quite unfit as well. I did, however, find outdoor activities in the last 2 years that have kept me quite busy and far more fit. Find something you like doing outside and something you can do on a regular basis. Then go do it. Make it a habit and it's far easier to get along with. I hate gym memberships. I use them for a week and never go back. Get me out hiking a mountain to go jump off of it with an inflatable wing on the other hand, and I'll hike back up 3 times in a day to keep flying. Not saying you should try that, but find something you do like doing that helps you keep fit and keep with it. Biking, walking, jogging. My wife makes it a goal to go down 5 blocks and make a big loop to check the mail just because it's a good thing to do.

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I joke to myself that usually by this point people will turn to Jesus, but being a strong atheist I am obviously never going to do such a thing.

Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

Take things a bit at a time. I've found especially with stuff like my social anxiety issues that if I try and conquer TOO MUCH at once, that I just get overwhelmed. That just compounds things. Set out realistic goals and hit them. If you want to start with losing 5lbs, lose 5lbs and when you do it, you'll feel like a badass. Want to make friends? Make it a goal to go to a meetup.com group of something that holds similar interests and make it a goal to interact with 2 people and hold conversations with 2 people. You never know, you might make friends that way. I met and found a local atheist group through ours. I made a few friends, they've been fun to interact with and talk to. I have a hard time maintaining friendships though, so I can't say I have any "really good friends" right now, but it's still nice to have people you share interests with that you can bounce ideas off of or vent to once in a while.

Figure out what you want to do and shoot for it. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that you can be anything you want to be if you just believe in yourself and go watch some disney movies to motivate you and blow a lot of smoke up your bum. But I do think that if people have dreams, aspirations and things they want to do with their life that they should shoot for it. Have the fun and half the rush is actually shooting for the goals. It's like a huge competition to get 1st place in your goal. A lot of people once they cross the finish line just go, "Well now I have the medal, so now what?" the journey is a huge part of it. Make it interesting, do fun things.

Remember, you're a piece of the universe, star dust, you're conscious and capable of thought and ideas and all kinds of things. You're a chance for the universe to experience itself. Think of it like this... one day a bunch of dust and gas wakes up in a mortal body and goes, "holy shit.. I'm... alive!... what do I do now?" if you have only a limited period of time to be that and choose to do that stuff, what in the hell would you do? It's like a movie, but it's actually real, and you really are that thing. Today is that day, tomorrow might be reasonably certain, but you still never know. So what do you do with it?

When you can answer that, GO DO IT! You will never get a chance to try again. Once your chance at the universe goes to sleep, it's someone else's turn to figure it out. I feel like I'm starting to sound like a hippie. Oh well.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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02-11-2013, 05:45 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
You have had a lot of good advice.

I have something very simple but effective to add:

Do something new every day.

Whether you just go someplace you haven't been before (even if it's just a different store, or taking a different route to school, anything) or change something in your life (move the furniture in your room into a new configuration, get a new piece of furniture for your place, hang up a new picture, buy something to wear that you would not normally wear, or listen to a piece of music you would not normally listen to, read a genre of book you would not normally read, and so on and so on.

These are benign little steps anyone can do, and they don't really take you out of your comfort zone. What they do is allow you to channel your thoughts easily into another area, have you think different thoughts.

Be aware of your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking thoughts that perpetuate your issues, change them. You are the master of your thoughts. You can control them, you don't have to let them control you.

When you find yourself wallowing in self defeating thoughts, tell yourself "oops, there I go again" and do something different, think about something different.
Put a stop to thinking about your "failures". Instead, think about something totally different, something outside of you.

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26-11-2013, 09:29 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
Quit listening to those voices in your head, the ones that barrage you with negative thoughts. As long as you pay attention to them, there will be an endless supply. Whenever a negative thought enters my mind, I will tell it to go sit in the corner, that I'll deal with it later. Like a disruptive child. Each negative thought needs to be countered with a positive one and reinforced, even saying it aloud if it helps.
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