I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
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27-11-2013, 05:26 AM (This post was last modified: 27-11-2013 05:31 AM by Hafnof.)
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I think the main trick to being happy is to have a close alignment between goals and reality. Set goals you know you can achieve, and discard those you cannot. Redirect energies from low value goals you can't meet to high value goals you can meet. As you confidence increases set more ambitious goals. If ever you find yourself not achieving the vast majority of your goals step back, reassess, discard those you care about least and meet the remainder.

Even if the set of goals you start out with are: Get out of bed today and feed myself. That's a base you can build from. Know what the goals you care about each day are, and don't cheat yourself by wondering why you didn't meet goals that weren't on your list.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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27-11-2013, 05:32 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(27-11-2013 05:26 AM)Hafnof Wrote:  I think the main trick to being happy is to have a close alignment between goals and reality. Set goals you know you can achieve, and discard those you cannot. Redirect energies from low value goals you can't meet to high value goals you can meet. As you confidence increases set more ambitious goals. If ever you find yourself not achieving the vast majority of your goals step back, reassess, discard those you care about least and meet the remainder.

Even if the set of goals you start out with are: Get out of bed today and feed myself. That's a base you can build from.

This ^ is good advice.

I'd add that lots of fulfillment in life comes to how you spend your time. Try to find a job that you can enjoy (at least a little) And work on your circle of friends.
There has to be things you like - those are the things you need to focus on.

Meanwhile - I'm really sorry you feel so blue. Know this - we've all had blue periods in life. Well, most everyone. So I can say with full assurance that this time will pass.
Better job and better friends........... you can design the life you wish. You really can.

oxoxox

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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20-01-2014, 08:33 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I've had a pretty shit life for the past 3 years or so. Obviously I mean in comparison to the average standards for people living in the developed world, there are many people with far worse lives.

I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

What do you love? Life will happen while pursuing your passion.

I bought a motorcycle and read Neil Pert's Ghost Rider. His daughter died on her way to the first day of college. His wife died of depression and cancer a year later. He was frozen and didn't know what to do. He left on a motorcycle trip that lasted about a year. As long as he was moving the pain was mostly at bay.

I rode my motorcycle around the country. I read Total Control by Lee Parks and learned about the psychology of fear and gyroscopic physics. I applied Parks techniques to my riding and developed control of my motorcycle. I met people and saw many things that were interesting to me. I followed part of Pert's course and visited spots where Jack London lived and wrote. I did the same with Henry Miller and Jack Kerouac. I rode my bike through Big Sur where my idols lived.

Not only is Neil the world class drummer of the band Rush but he is very well read and intelligent. His incredible experience with pain and loss gave me direction and hope. I was able to act on something and am grateful to him.

This winter I started cross country skiing. I love it. I need it. I live an isolated life for reasons I won't share but it's my reality. Because I feel passionate about skiing I'm able to relate to skiers. I am always asking other skiers how they did, is the trail in good shape, what wax are you using, did you see the eagle, etc. I look at people and smile. I don't want anything from these people so I'm never disappointed or too afraid to reach out and feel better.

I was desperate for something to do this fall when the biking weather started to turn cold. I was dreadful at the thought of winter and cabin fever. That's when I remembered skiing as a kid. I walked into a snooty ski shop and announced that I wanted to compete in the Olympics. The sales people looked at me, I smiled, we laughed and I started thanking them for every little thing. Everything they did for me was met with a thank you. Here's the wax, thank you. Here's the boots, thank you. Here's the poles, thank you. They had no idea what it meant to me. I smiled and said thank you for nothing.

You will love something and find yourself in it. Seth loves atheism and this forum is here because of his feelings. I am grateful to Seth. I am grateful to you for sharing your experience. You don't know how much your reaching out helped me tonight. Thank you! My friend, I needed you tonight.

ron
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21-01-2014, 01:10 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I dance motherfucker dance.




I am us and we is me. ... bitches.
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21-01-2014, 01:38 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I wish I was 21 now. Until a few years ago I thought there was nothing interesting about the modern world and I "knew" everything. I have now figured out that the world is just starting to unfold in front of us and things are coming out which I wish I had known about 30 years ago because they are incredibly important and fascinating.

I was very depressed in my late teens and twenties and although I did two degrees, I wound up not knowing what I was going to do and feeling completely lost. I remember sitting on a park bench with a friend and he just said that I should make up my mind about where I was going to work,ie., where I was studying or back home and since I liked where I was, I decided to stay there, which was a good decision. I think, sometimes, we just have to look at what we are doing at the moment and stop trying to solve our whole life issue in one go.

It has taken me another 40 years of screwing my life up over the same sort of anxiety about who I am, what I am doing, what will happen etc. Now I am washed up, living nowhere and doing nothing but the sun shines where I am, which it didn't in the place I just left so that is something to get up for.

I have a lot of odd interests now which keep my mind active. I was very anxious socially at your age and just made up my mind to get over it by doing things that challenged me til I got past that stage.

Recently I have done a lot of medical research and have discovered that social anxiety is a product of a real medical condition and can be medically treated. I got hold of some medication a few years ago under the direction of a world renowned psychiatrist/neurologist and got rid of mine. I wish I had found the treatment years earlier.
Shy
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21-01-2014, 01:49 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
I have a question for you. What is it that you want out of life?
A girlfriend? Sex? (I'm just pulling those out of your post, I'm sure there are other things)

Then set a goal, and treat it like a job to where you HAVE to do it. Every one is giving you good advice, but without the proper motivation you'll never get up to exercise, or set out to finish your goals, your homework or whatever it is.
Find something you want, and work for it. Use yourself as motivation. You'll break through the depression, and more than likely come out a better person because you'll have the knowledge and experience to recognize that feeling in others and help them.
What you have may seem like a curse, but in the long run it will be an invaluable gift.

The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear."
~Jiddu Krishnamurti
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30-01-2014, 08:22 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
As someone who have experienced both sides of the love life,
what I realized is that if you isolate yourself, which you obviously are doing because you are not really feeling yourself,
not loving yourself enough, is like an effect that just destroys everything else.
start with yourself and the gym.

it is actually happening with me, I sort of had a reversal, I started out partying being in social life, having girlfriends or occasionally just the fun one night stands
then bang all of sudden I stop training, because of an injury and my dreams of playing professional sport is crushed, i slide back to the computer and living alone
I become slightly obese, feeling sorry for myself, not really motivated and havent got laid in 3-4 years.

start with the gym, feel good about yourself, dress yourself nicely and start going out more
even if you are yourself.

Confidence is key.
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01-02-2014, 12:02 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

If you haven't sought professional help, you really need to. I'm no expert, but you seem seriously depressed. IMHO, the mere fact that you mentioned you would never commit suicide, means you have thought about it.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey.
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01-02-2014, 12:04 AM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:42 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  I also suggest regular exercise, it can boost endorphins, which mak you feel great. Plus it could help with any weight issue you may have plus the added bonus of giving you more confidence.

Completely agree. Honestly, I think a lot of the depression running rampant in the US is a combination of failure to be active, along with failure to get adequate sunshine and fresh air. But, if you're in that rut, you probably need professional help to help you move toward a more healthy and happy lifestyle.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey.
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21-02-2014, 03:34 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.
I've had that exact same thought, about the gun to the head. You're not alone.

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

Is it easier to socialize online? Perhaps building up an online social life could help you transition into an offline one. If you want someone to correspond with and get to know, I'd be happy to be a pen pal (I know that sounds corny, but you get the point).

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

As for the physically unfit part, do a Google search on "Bodylastics" -- they're a fun way to get in shape (IMHO) that doesn't cost a lot of money, take up a lot of room, or require you to go anywhere.

As for the family, again, I know the feeling. I could tell you some horror stories about my parents and upbringing.

(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed (and it happens more often than I'd like), I pick one thing to start with. Just one. I take care of that one thing and move on to the next. Don't try to solve all your problems at once. Just try to solve one. And play it by ear. If you end up feeling like you're not doing enough, then try to add an additional issue to your list of things to tackle.

Good luck. Don't feel alone, because you're not.
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