I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
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21-02-2014, 10:41 PM (This post was last modified: 21-02-2014 10:45 PM by donotwant.)
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide
Never say never.

As for the rest.
Get up and DO SHIT.
Unfit? Start working out.
Clothing sucks? Buy new ones.
Got no money? Get a job.
Ugly teeth? See a dentist.
Ugly face? See a surgeon.
Social anxiety? See a psychologist, practice talking with people and confront your fears. Fear of people will never go away if you will avoid them forever.
But of course you don't want any of that you're gonna complain and keep doing nothing. Clock however is still ticking and it's not gonna wait for you.
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22-02-2014, 05:19 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I've had a pretty shit life for the past 3 years or so. Obviously I mean in comparison to the average standards for people living in the developed world, there are many people with far worse lives.

I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

I joke to myself that usually by this point people will turn to Jesus, but being a strong atheist I am obviously never going to do such a thing.

Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

So changing your life is a huge project, and it can seem overwhelming because when you only focus on the goal, it can seem so far away. Break it down into smaller steps.

Ex: if you want to loose 100 lbs. you can't just focus on the 100. You set the goal at 2-6 lb increments. Then you feel accomplished and want to continue.

What would you like to change? You say you are unfit. Try doing just 10 min walks a day. Then 15, then 20, and so on.

Cut out just one thing from your diet. Soda, cheese, butter, whatever.

Then join a running group, or something that forces your interaction with other people. Small groups, etc.

Can you get an animal? Like a dog? Dogs are great ice breakers and great ways to meet people. Plus it forces you to walk every day.

So break it down into smaller parts and focus on the small parts. As you accomplish the small things, you will feel motivated to continue.

I used to be fat. And because I was fat, I was lazy and tired. So I just got fed up one day and went for a run. I could only run a 1/2 mile before I stopped. I signed up for a 10 miler for a few moths later. So I would go running, and the goal was never stopping during the run. Didn't matter how slow I went, I just had to keep jogging.

I ran 1/2 mile. Then the next day, I ran the same 1/2 mile plus one block. Who can't just go one more block? Then the next day I ran to where I stopped the last time plus one more block. And so on. Pretty soon I was running 8 miles. Took me 2 hours to run 8 miles but it didn't matter. Only the distance mattered. Then, as the weight came off, I was able to run faster naturally. Then I was at 10 miles, then 13.1, then 16, then 26.2 (marathon) and now I run marathons all the time.

I run 6 miles without blinking. I download audiobooks and just listen while I run. Slow, pokey, but it doesn't matter, I'm still lapping everyone on the couch.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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23-02-2014, 03:25 PM
RE: I'm at the lowest point of my life, how do I transform my life?
(31-10-2013 05:04 PM)TheLogicalAthiest Wrote:  I've had a pretty shit life for the past 3 years or so. Obviously I mean in comparison to the average standards for people living in the developed world, there are many people with far worse lives.

I am really unhappy with my life, I will never commit suicide but I'm sort of at the point whereby if someone put a gun to my head and threatened to kill me, i'm unsure whether I would be bothered or not.

Right now, I can honestly say I'm at the lowest point of my whole life. I'm nearly 21, have absolutely no social life due to my social anxiety I had since childhood, I haven't had a real friend since high school. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I feel as if I have missed out on my youth and lots of really fun experiences.

I am physically unfit, and I am in university doing a course I am really struggling with due to my poor work ethic and motivation. I can't even rely on myself to do things and so I have no self belief. In terms of talking to my family, I don't like spending time with my parents, and in some ways I feel there actions in the past have contributed to me being in the position I am now. So I kind of feel alienated, having no friends and feeling like I have no family.

I joke to myself that usually by this point people will turn to Jesus, but being a strong atheist I am obviously never going to do such a thing.

Where should I start in order to turn my life around? It seems so overwhelmed, its like I have too much to overcome and too little time, and i'm not confident I can make it.

If you think about all the things you need to do, all at once, then yes it can be very overwhelming. My advice would be to focus on one thing at a time. This is advice I must give myself (and am given by others) quite often.

I too was recently in a bad place. Unhappy with my marriage, unhappy with life in general. For a long while I just wallowed in my own misery, and while I do think it was what I needed at the time - to just sit with the pain for a while - it didn't get me one bit closer to being happier. I had to accept that some things could not be restored and honestly had probably not been worth holding onto for as long as I did.

Once I was able to admit to myself that I'd done everything I could to save my marriage and that it just wasn't salvageable, I was able to get into the proper headspace to do what needed to be done. It was not easy by any means, as hurting people's feelings or upsetting their lives in order to secure my own happiness held me back for a long time.

Now I am rebuilding my life and it can be very scary at times. I've never truly been independent and so all of it is new for me. But I try as much as I can to just focus on one thing at a time. Like, "Okay, first goal is to pay off _____" and then try to only worry about that. Once that's done I can move on to other things. And I am keeping for myself a list of short-term and long-term goals and then checking them off as I go. It helps me to realize that I am making progress, and it helps to remind me that I deserve a pat on the back for each little accomplishment I can check off. Because I could be back there in that shitty situation, whining about it and yet doing nothing to fix it.

Sometimes it takes a long while to get up that courage and strength to do what needs be done, but you will find it. Hug

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