I'm athiest : he's a Christian: can it work

[Iolanthe]

This sounds like dreadful trite but I'm going with it...
I went to Sunday school and drew pics, I was in a church choir for something to do when I was 10 ( my friend was in too) and that's about my religious experience! I've not been drawn or called upon, I find a lot of it offensive and a load of tosh!
My husband was brought up in a very religious family, he's not actively participated in the religion for many years except for his own first marriage , funerals and his mums ordination (yes) I went to the latter too to support h and my mum in law
So, things have changed: he is wanting to find himself and exploring religion in a big way!! I find it quite repulsive and keep trying to tell myself 'its up to him' I personally think its quite deep and personal: its linked in to his grandpa's death at the end of last year, he was a very solid and influential figure in his life.
I'm a bit stuck ...... I can't say anything helpful , I feel as I'm going to offend him
There is more to it but that's the bare bones!!
Any comments? ;-)

[kim]

Hmm… I'm wondering if his Grandpa was even all that religious.

He may be sort of emotionally overcompensating... give him time... it's possible that it's just his way to handle his grief. If he's going through these pressures, he's probably experiencing a sense of his own mortality.

People seem to find religion to have the answers in the promise of an afterlife. It might be comforting for a while, but... it has to be kept up... and believed whole heartedly.

If he wants you to jump on his bandwagon for support (they all do), just stand your ground firmly. Reassure him that if he finds himself unsure of his newfound "religious" beliefs, you will be able to help him back to reality, but his faith is his own.

Again, give him time. For you it might be time to raise the patience and the tolerance bar as well, you might need this forum more ... just to keep your head on straight.

Welcome to the forum.

[Mr Woof]

(31-08-2012 03:01 PM)Iolanthe Wrote:  This sounds like dreadful trite but I'm going with it...
I went to Sunday school and drew pics, I was in a church choir for something to do when I was 10 ( my friend was in too) and that's about my religious experience! I've not been drawn or called upon, I find a lot of it offensive and a load of tosh!
My husband was brought up in a very religious family, he's not actively participated in the religion for many years except for his own first marriage , funerals and his mums ordination (yes) I went to the latter too to support h and my mum in law
So, things have changed: he is wanting to find himself and exploring religion in a big way!! I find it quite repulsive and keep trying to tell myself 'its up to him' I personally think its quite deep and personal: its linked in to his grandpa's death at the end of last year, he was a very solid and influential figure in his life.
I'm a bit stuck ...... I can't say anything helpful , I feel as I'm going to offend him
There is more to it but that's the bare bones!!
Any comments? ;-)

It may simply be a passing phase.
Suggest you simply hang on in for a while and don't get hooked into heavy debates.
Any particular group got their claws stuck in?
Goo luck................

[GirlyMan]

I am atheist. She was Catholic. It worked.

[Vosur]

(31-08-2012 09:16 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  I am atheist. She was Catholic. It worked.

[DLJ]

He needs an incentive.

Tell him you'll leave him if he doesn't stop this nonsense right now!

If that's too much, remove his nookie rights.

Remember who's in charge!

[Logica Humano]

I've seen it work, so yes.

[Hafnof]

It will probably depend on how hell bent he is or becomes in converting you, and vice versa. If you think you can live with a fervent theist and he thinks he can live with a fervent atheist then yes: It can work. If it's the elephant in the room during every meal time and you think he's wasting his life and holding to doctrines you despise while he craves a life partner who'll join him in heaven then perhaps not.

This might become a matter of expectation management for the both of you.

[darkfire]

I was in a similar situation. I am atheist and my ex-girlfriend was a Christian. When we started to get serious we talked about our beliefs. I told her I am not now, nor will I ever be religious. We had a long talk and agreed that we could make it work so long as we respect each other’s beliefs. And we did make it work for a while. I even went to church with her a few times because I knew it meant a lot to her.

Well, in my case her family was the problem. They are hardcore bible thumpers. They kept putting ideas into her head that I was a no good sinner and that if she stayed will me our relationship would be cursed by god because I had not been saved. Her dad would call her all the time while we were together and I could hear him screaming to her “FALL DOWN AND REPENT, THROW IT ALL AWAY OR YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL, IF YOU DIE NOW SURELY YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL”.

Well, it finally got to be too much for her and she broke it off with the hope that “One day god will bring us together again”

Well, now that it is all said and done I would much rather date a fellow atheist or agnostic, but I loved her so I wanted to try and make it work for as long as I could.

There are a few people I know with differing religious beliefs that have been together for 20 + years. So yes, depending on his beliefs and if you accept his bind faith, it is very possible to make it work. Just ask yourself if that is what you really want. I would also have a long talk with him about this issue as well.

[Filox]

I say RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!