I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
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27-09-2015, 07:10 PM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
I can't say I wasn't warned, but that is a bummer. I'm pissed that I missed your thread last night, I was decently ferschnickered myself.

Hoping things look up for you man, I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know how the mind likes to turn dark sometimes...

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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27-09-2015, 07:56 PM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
Please pm me back, I'm really worried about you. Undecided
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27-09-2015, 08:01 PM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
We all have our bad moments and I don't think you have upset or hurt anyone in anyway so no need to apologize for being human, depression does suck and I hope you can fight it and get back to your usual awesome self Smile you can do it!

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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27-09-2015, 09:13 PM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
I don't have any personal experience with depression, but I hope you can find help and heal.
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27-09-2015, 10:50 PM (This post was last modified: 27-09-2015 11:35 PM by DLJ.)
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
(27-09-2015 05:21 PM)pablo Wrote:  Ok first-off,
I apologize to the entire forum for my conduct last night, I was drunk and out of line.

Apologise for what? There's a good few here who don't have that excuse.

Quote:I hide my insecurities behind jokes and one off quips.

I thought I recognised you!

Quote:I'm was lucky I graduated high school, as if you all couldn't tell.
College was never an issue for me.

What's college? Lemme google that.

Quote:I'm learning a lot here. (Remember that when you share your higher education here)

Are you a theist and/or a Republican? D'uh! Of course you're learning.

Ol' Gandhi might have been onto something when he said:
"Learn like you will live forever; Live like you will die tomorrow."

Me, yesterday: Glanced at the 'Beauty of Maths' thread ... Weeping ... remembered my daughter after her first few months of school ... "Daddy, I feel so stupid. Everyone else knows everything and I don't know any of it"

Dad smiles and thinks ... Socrates lives!

Quote:I've stopped writing this a few times now, I guess you fuckers are worth this much.Tongue

Nah! Not so much. Well, yes, the 'fuckers' bit is probably right.

Quote:Depression eats at me sometimes more than I can explain.
I wonder if the only people who can understand how it feels have already killed themselves.

Nope. Some have tried and failed.
...

So, I have this friend...

No, before I go there, a quick tale:

I watched a YouTube vid yesterday ... dude from Bradford, England (huge muslim community) who was explaining how and when and why he converted to Islam from "strong atheism".

The link's there if you want some fun playing 'spot the fallacy' but the first part of his story (disaffected youth; existential ponderings etc.) is possibly typical for many who have thought that the whole god-thing was a load of poop but then thought: "Oh Fuck! Nihilism!". He found solace by talking with someone infected by the god-virus and fell for the whole "Prove there is no god" routine. How much more valuable he would have been had he met a scientist instead. Ah well.

So back to my friend:

He's been struggling with, and sometimes embracing, depression for over 40 years.

At the age of ten, he realised he was on the wrong planet ... and wanted to get off at the next stop.

I'll spare you the details / life journey stuff because it won't be the same as yours. I'll give you 'current status' instead.

Almost every day, there's the thought: "Do I want to bother with today?"
Often the answer is "No" but the commitment to commitments keeps him ticking along. Yes, it would be a damn sight easier just to not wake up today.

Quote:To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished.

... oh, so, very devoutly, to be wished.

But for an atheist / nihilist such as he, this bit is bullshit:

Quote:To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.

That's not the rub. The 'legacy' is the rub. The impact of "not to be" on those who depend upon him ... that gives him pause.

He has made commitments to people he cares for.

So anyway.

Here are a few pieces of the jigsaw that have helped him. Some of them might help you.

First, from the very pages of TTA:
"'Love is merely chemistry'
... is a deception.
We are merely chemistry.
Love makes us master chemists."
~~ HoC

So why not 'depression' too?

Second:
Management practices.

Third:
Consider I'm not sure there is a third. I'll come back to that.

The Chemistry lesson started to be learned when his children were diagnosed with various forms of Autism and the Management practices that were useful related to the inter-relationship between four different processes.

I won't bore you with these but I haz flow-diagrams if you want them. These four are:
Events --> Incidents --> Problem --> Change.

So how did this apply?
Event: Son's patterns of behaviour changed.
Incident: Destruction of bedroom (plaster off the walls and everything!)
Problem: Something happened after a neighbour gave him a doughnut.
Change: No permanent solution.

If there's no permanent solution, a temporary 'workaround' must be found.
This workaround turned out to be careful diet control.

The whole family changed their diet (no wheat, no dairy, no additives, preservatives or colourants). I mean, if you put the wrong type of fuel into a system, you're gonna get unexpected results (or expected dodgy results).

Guess what? My friend's feelings of desperate lethargy started to fade.
Some self diagnosis later (adding / subtracting food types) pin-pointed wheatiness as the culprit.

Voila! Master chemist! He now controls his own emotions through diet.

Some artists do their best stuff when high. My 'friend' writes his best poetry when doped on pizza. Thumbsup

OK. So it's not 100% cos of environmental factors but it's a useful control mechanism. And, of course, the same cause (or causes) ain't applicable to everyone.

The folks on TTA didn't, of course, provide every piece of the jigsaw but they sure helped with the assembly.

Third: Well, urm, maybe it's the Gandhi thing again:
"Learn like you will live forever; Live like you will die tomorrow."

You are here and reading stuff from the intellectuals on TTA, so you've cracked the first part ... it's just the second part you have to master.

So, in summary (the tl;dr version)

You're not alone.

Hug

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27-09-2015, 11:02 PM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
(27-09-2015 10:50 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(27-09-2015 05:21 PM)pablo Wrote:  Ok first-off,
I apologize to the entire forum for my conduct last night, I was drunk and out of line.

Apologise for what? There's a good few here who don't have that excuse.

Quote:I hide my insecurities behind jokes and one off quips.

I thought I recognised you!

Quote:I'm was lucky I graduated high school, as if you all couldn't tell.
College was never an issue for me.

What's college? Lemme google that.

Quote:I'm learning a lot here. (Remember that when you share your higher education here)

Are you a theist and/or a Republican? D'uh! Of course you're learning.

Ol' Gandhi might have been onto something when he said:
"Learn like you will live forever; Live like you will die tomorrow."

Me, yesterday: Glanced at the 'Beauty of Maths' thread ... Weeping ... remembered my daughter after her first few months of school ... "Daddy, I feel so stupid. Everyone else knows everything and I don't know any of it"

Dad smiles and thinks ... Socrates lives!

Quote:I've stopped writing this a few times now, I guess you fuckers are worth this much.Tongue

Nah! Not so much. Well, yes, the 'fuckers' bit is probably right.

Quote:Depression eats at me sometimes more than I can explain.
I wonder if the only people who can understand how it feels have already killed themselves.

Nope. Some have tried and failed.
...

So, I have this friend...

No, before I go there, a quick tale:

I watched a YouTube vid yesterday ... dude from Bradford, England (huge muslims community) who was explaining how and when and why he converted to Islam from "strong atheism".

The link's there if want some fun playing 'spot the fallacy' but the first part of his story (disaffected youth; existential ponderings etc.) is possibly typical for many who have thought that the whole god-thing was a load of poop but then thought: "Oh Fuck! Nihilism!". He found solace by talking with someone infected by the god-virus and fell for the whole "Prove there is no god" routine. How much more valuable he would have been had he met a scientist instead. Ah well.

So back to my friend:

He's been struggling with, and sometimes embracing, depression for over 40 years.

At the age of ten, he realised he was on the wrong planet ... and wanted to get off at the next stop.

I'll spare you the details / life journey stuff because it won't be the same as yours. I'll give you 'current status' instead.

Almost every day, there's the thought: "Do I want to bother with today?"
Often the answer is "No" but the commitment to commitments keeps him ticking along. Yes, it would be a damn sight easier just to not wake up today.

Quote:To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished.

... oh, so, very devoutly, to be wished.

But for an atheist / nihilist such as he, this bit is bullshit:

Quote:To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.

That's not the rub. The 'legacy' is the rub. The impact of "not to be" on those who depend upon him ... that gives him pause.

He has made commitments to people he cares for.

So anyway.

Here are a few pieces of the jigsaw that have helped him. Some of them might help you.

First, from the very pages of TTA:
"'Love is merely chemistry'
... is a deception.
We are merely chemistry.
Love makes us master chemists."
~~ HoC

So why not 'depression' too?

Second:
Management practices.

Third:
Consider I'm not sure there is a third. I'll come back to that.

The Chemistry lesson started to be learned when his children were diagnosed with various forms of Autism and the Management practices that were useful related to the inter-relationship between four different processes.

I won't bore you with these but I haz flow-diagrams if you want them. These four are:
Events --> Incidents --> Problem --> Change.

So how did this apply?
Event: Son's patterns of behaviour changed.
Incident: Destruction of bedroom (plaster off the walls and everything!)
Problem: Something happened after a neighbour gave him a doughnut.
Change: No permanent solution.

If there's no permanent solution, a temporary 'workaround' must be found.
This workaround turned out to be careful diet control.

The whole family changed their diet (no wheat, no dairy, no additives, preservatives or colourants). I mean, if you put the wrong type of fuel into a system, you're gonna get unexpected results (or expected dodgy results).

Guess what? My friend's feelings of desperate lethargy started to fade.
Some self diagnosis later (adding / subtracting food types) pin-pointed wheatiness as the culprit.

Voila! Master chemist! He now controls his own emotions through diet.

Some artists do their best stuff when high. My 'friend' writes his best poetry when doped on pizza. Thumbsup

OK. So it's not 100% cos of environmental factors but it's a useful control mechanism. And, of course, the same cause (or causes) ain't applicable to everyone.

The folks on TTA didn't, of course, provide every piece of the jigsaw but they sure helped with the assembly.

Third: Well, urm, maybe it's the Gandhi thing again:
"Learn like you will live forever; Live like you will die tomorrow."

You are here and reading stuff from the intellectuals on TTA, so you've cracked the first part ... it's just the second part you have to master.

So, in summary (the tl;dr version)

You're not alone.

Hug

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NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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27-09-2015, 11:53 PM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
Hi Pablo Smile

Sorry I was short with you last night old man. Depression... I've had my brushes with it in the past. Hope you're feeling better by now.

Hug <- It's a bro-hug. A bro-hug!

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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28-09-2015, 12:04 AM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
(27-09-2015 10:50 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(27-09-2015 05:21 PM)pablo Wrote:  Ok first-off,
I apologize to the entire forum for my conduct last night, I was drunk and out of line.

Apologise for what? There's a good few here who don't have that excuse.

Quote:I hide my insecurities behind jokes and one off quips.

I thought I recognised you!

Quote:I'm was lucky I graduated high school, as if you all couldn't tell.
College was never an issue for me.

What's college? Lemme google that.

Quote:I'm learning a lot here. (Remember that when you share your higher education here)

Are you a theist and/or a Republican? D'uh! Of course you're learning.

Ol' Gandhi might have been onto something when he said:
"Learn like you will live forever; Live like you will die tomorrow."

Me, yesterday: Glanced at the 'Beauty of Maths' thread ... Weeping ... remembered my daughter after her first few months of school ... "Daddy, I feel so stupid. Everyone else knows everything and I don't know any of it"

Dad smiles and thinks ... Socrates lives!

Quote:I've stopped writing this a few times now, I guess you fuckers are worth this much.Tongue

Nah! Not so much. Well, yes, the 'fuckers' bit is probably right.

Quote:Depression eats at me sometimes more than I can explain.
I wonder if the only people who can understand how it feels have already killed themselves.

Nope. Some have tried and failed.
...

So, I have this friend...

No, before I go there, a quick tale:

I watched a YouTube vid yesterday ... dude from Bradford, England (huge muslim community) who was explaining how and when and why he converted to Islam from "strong atheism".

The link's there if you want some fun playing 'spot the fallacy' but the first part of his story (disaffected youth; existential ponderings etc.) is possibly typical for many who have thought that the whole god-thing was a load of poop but then thought: "Oh Fuck! Nihilism!". He found solace by talking with someone infected by the god-virus and fell for the whole "Prove there is no god" routine. How much more valuable he would have been had he met a scientist instead. Ah well.

So back to my friend:

He's been struggling with, and sometimes embracing, depression for over 40 years.

At the age of ten, he realised he was on the wrong planet ... and wanted to get off at the next stop.

I'll spare you the details / life journey stuff because it won't be the same as yours. I'll give you 'current status' instead.

Almost every day, there's the thought: "Do I want to bother with today?"
Often the answer is "No" but the commitment to commitments keeps him ticking along. Yes, it would be a damn sight easier just to not wake up today.

Quote:To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished.

... oh, so, very devoutly, to be wished.

But for an atheist / nihilist such as he, this bit is bullshit:

Quote:To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.

That's not the rub. The 'legacy' is the rub. The impact of "not to be" on those who depend upon him ... that gives him pause.

He has made commitments to people he cares for.

So anyway.

Here are a few pieces of the jigsaw that have helped him. Some of them might help you.

First, from the very pages of TTA:
"'Love is merely chemistry'
... is a deception.
We are merely chemistry.
Love makes us master chemists."
~~ HoC

So why not 'depression' too?

Second:
Management practices.

Third:
Consider I'm not sure there is a third. I'll come back to that.

The Chemistry lesson started to be learned when his children were diagnosed with various forms of Autism and the Management practices that were useful related to the inter-relationship between four different processes.

I won't bore you with these but I haz flow-diagrams if you want them. These four are:
Events --> Incidents --> Problem --> Change.

So how did this apply?
Event: Son's patterns of behaviour changed.
Incident: Destruction of bedroom (plaster off the walls and everything!)
Problem: Something happened after a neighbour gave him a doughnut.
Change: No permanent solution.

If there's no permanent solution, a temporary 'workaround' must be found.
This workaround turned out to be careful diet control.

The whole family changed their diet (no wheat, no dairy, no additives, preservatives or colourants). I mean, if you put the wrong type of fuel into a system, you're gonna get unexpected results (or expected dodgy results).

Guess what? My friend's feelings of desperate lethargy started to fade.
Some self diagnosis later (adding / subtracting food types) pin-pointed wheatiness as the culprit.

Voila! Master chemist! He now controls his own emotions through diet.

Some artists do their best stuff when high. My 'friend' writes his best poetry when doped on pizza. Thumbsup

OK. So it's not 100% cos of environmental factors but it's a useful control mechanism. And, of course, the same cause (or causes) ain't applicable to everyone.

The folks on TTA didn't, of course, provide every piece of the jigsaw but they sure helped with the assembly.

Third: Well, urm, maybe it's the Gandhi thing again:
"Learn like you will live forever; Live like you will die tomorrow."

You are here and reading stuff from the intellectuals on TTA, so you've cracked the first part ... it's just the second part you have to master.

So, in summary (the tl;dr version)

You're not alone.

Hug

Thanks for the encouragement, I've unfortunately been down the attempted suicide road once.
I currently have conflicting med problems along with the fact that really the only thing keeping me from offing myself is that I don't want someone to have to go through finding a fucking body.
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28-09-2015, 12:13 AM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
(28-09-2015 12:04 AM)pablo Wrote:  ...
Thanks for the encouragement, I've unfortunately been down the attempted suicide road once.
I currently have conflicting med problems along with the fact that really the only thing keeping me from offing myself is that I don't want someone to have to go through finding a fucking body.

As I (kinda) said ... we're self-conscious food processing machines.

Input -> process --> output.

The inputs from diet / medication / other emotional stimuli are going to produce some curious outputs.

The trick is to discover which input causes which output. I hope your med-docs can work it out.

The 'finding the body' thing has been a stopper for me too.

It's why I always made sure I wore clean underpants.

Then I realised that I could save time and effort by going commando.

TMI?

Big Grin

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28-09-2015, 12:21 AM
RE: I'm depressed ( BUMMER ALERT)
(28-09-2015 12:13 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(28-09-2015 12:04 AM)pablo Wrote:  ...
Thanks for the encouragement, I've unfortunately been down the attempted suicide road once.
I currently have conflicting med problems along with the fact that really the only thing keeping me from offing myself is that I don't want someone to have to go through finding a fucking body.

As I (kinda) said ... we're self-conscious food processing machines.

Input -> process --> output.

The inputs from diet / medication / other emotional stimuli are going to produce some curious outputs.

The trick is to discover which input causes which output. I hope your med-docs can work it out.

The 'finding the body' thing has been a stopper for me too.

It's why I always made sure I wore clean underpants.

Then I realised that I could save time and effort by going commando.

TMI?

Big Grin

It just turned Monday here, the meds/docs thing has been ongoing for years now. Maybe we'll see what the docs have to say when they wake up today.
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