I'm falling apart a little bit.
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04-12-2014, 08:24 PM
RE: I'm falling apart a little bit.
I can't say that this advice will work for everyone and its, obviously, a little late in the timing but I figured I'd interject anyway. After my wife died it was a long time before I got "better" and anniversaries were always kinda hard. I would become sullen and agitated for several days prior to and proceeding the anniversary of her death. Eventually I realized that so long as it's the only event that marks that day it's always gonna be like that, so one year I finally did the opposite and I went out I met people, I drank I had fun, I made new friends. I sang. Dirges, and hopeful songs and everything in between. It was no longer just "the day my wife died", which made it much better. Every year on her death I go out and I make new memories. They don't replace the old ones, they just make that day lighter, easier to hold on my shoulders.
Might not be the easiest thing to do at first, and there are moments of grief and guilt and melancholy and they never fade so completely that they are gone, but it helps you go on, helps you deal. Pain can be a fire that lights the way to other things, or it can be a stone placed on your chest weighing you down, but Rock, I have found, can build very good foundations for marvelous things.
Make the day more then just the day they died, more then just a marker of loss, and the pain will lessen, the weight will ease and you might just find new people to help carry the load. Just a widowers thoughts.

Kneel mortal before Whiskey I, Lord of Dalmore, Duke of Jameson, Defender of the Sloshed, and God-Emperor of Holy Terra.
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08-12-2014, 08:46 PM
RE: I'm falling apart a little bit.
(24-11-2014 12:00 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  Stupid anniversaries!

I always think they're so dumb, and then they come along and I am not okay.

This year is worse. I don't know if it's because I had an extremely shitty year with my life being flipped and discarded like it was, but I am not coping well. I've picked up the pieces really well and am honestly better off and even happier in a lot of ways- but not this week- tomorrow is on the horizon Sad I'm just not doing well. It's the death anniversary of my best friend and I find myself not comfortable in my own skin and mind. I've always been proud of my mind. If emotional health and stress management were an olympic sport I'd have the gold medal… but not yesterday, not today and I am thinking not tomorrow at all. I don't want to wake up and live through tomorrow. (Not meaning to sound suicidal- I just mean I'd much rather skip to Tuesday and be on with it).

Fucking life sometimes! Bitch.

I have read this thread many times without saying anything, and keep coming back to it.

There are many things I could do here. I could relate to you my own experiences. I could express to you some bad feelings I have had in the past. I could prescribe some treatments or therapy that may have worked for me.

But doing any of those things would make this all about me, and this is not about me at all.

This is all about you. And it needs to stay that way because it IS about you, and there is nothing wrong with it being that way.

So this (((((BIG HUG))))) is for you, because there is nothing else I could say or do that would make you feel any better than a simple gesture of human compassion.


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