I'm needy
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03-02-2017, 02:02 AM
I'm needy
I need to learn to rely on myself for emotional support, but I have no idea how. I get overwhelmed and get terrible panic attacks when I don't have a friend around to talk about my issues with. My sweet friends of course can't always be available to me 24/7 and they also can't solve my issues, so I get pretty draining on them.
I also become afraid that they are only my friends because, knowing my story, they feel bad for me.
I've just now very nearly lost a very, very dear friend of mine, because of this (this is putting it very simply, but the dynamic is there).
But how do I learn to manage my own feelings? Without getting panic attacks and without hurting myself.
It's so hard to have to carry these things alone.
I'm in treatment with a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and have been for a long time, but they can't cure me (literally everything has been tried and this is one of the absolute top psychiatrists in the country.) and they obviously can't be at my side 24/7 either.
As I said, I nearly lost the best friend I've ever had last night, and I don't have an appointment with my psychologist until the 22nd (psychiatrist even longer).
So I don't know what to do.
And as always, I'm needy and unable to deal with my own issues myself, so I'm reaching out to you, hoping you guys can tell me how you learned to rely on yourself rather than those around you.

Thanks guys

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
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03-02-2017, 05:58 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I also become afraid that they are only my friends because, knowing my story, they feel bad for me.

As one of those friends I can tell you this is not true at all. Hug

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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03-02-2017, 06:01 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 05:58 AM)JDog554 Wrote:  
(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I also become afraid that they are only my friends because, knowing my story, they feel bad for me.

As one of those friends I can tell you this is not true at all. Hug

Thanks J honey, that means a lot and coming from you of all people I trust that it's true Heart

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03-02-2017, 06:08 AM
RE: I'm needy
Just call me. If uncovered in paint or sleeping I am usually here.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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03-02-2017, 06:17 AM
RE: I'm needy
If you're there for your friends the same way they are for you, I bet they think it's a fair exchange.
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03-02-2017, 06:38 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 06:08 AM)Banjo Wrote:  Just call me. If uncovered in paint or sleeping I am usually here.

Thank you dear. You're always so good at cheering me up and giving me a humorous kick up the arse.

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03-02-2017, 06:39 AM
RE: I'm needy
I don't know how to become more self reliant, as introvert I probably have the opposite issue.

Losing friends though happens anyway. They move on to another life situation, or I do, or they die. (as you get older this happens with alarming frequency).

It sucks no matter where on the spectrum you are. Losing a close friend for whatever reason triggers grief the same way that someone close to you dying does. There is a gap left in your life, your thoughts (brain) keep referring back to your friend in all related situations, causing grief. Grief then causes tears in an attempt to release dopamine to calm you. So, the process you are going through now, that you lost a friend, is something physical and happens whether you want it to or not.

It is also normal, eventually the triggers will stop and the brain will fill the vacancy with other people, activities or things.

The suggestion I have is to try to fill the gaps on purpose to hurry up the process - find new activities and engage in them as soon and often as you can.

Also, maybe you can find a support group, in person or online. Groups can be more stable, since one individual leaving doesn't stop the group. They also expect you to share everything, so no worries there.

I hope you feel better soon. Heart

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03-02-2017, 06:40 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 06:17 AM)julep Wrote:  If you're there for your friends the same way they are for you, I bet they think it's a fair exchange.

Blush Maybe you're right. I definitely am always there for them, and for anybody who needs a talk. I just feel like it tends to be one sided. It tends to be me who's the mess.
Do you think they still think it's fair when I need them much more than they need me?

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03-02-2017, 06:42 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 06:08 AM)Banjo Wrote:  Just call me. If uncovered in paint or sleeping I am usually here.

Right now I'm thoroughly doped on my sedatives though. I had a three hour nap and am feeling woozy and not quite present, but the bad thoughts are medicated away.
Thank Flying Spaghettimonster for modern medicine!

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03-02-2017, 06:53 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 06:39 AM)Dom Wrote:  I don't know how to become more self reliant, as introvert I probably have the opposite issue.

Losing friends though happens anyway. They move on to another life situation, or I do, or they die. (as you get older this happens with alarming frequency).

It sucks no matter where on the spectrum you are. Losing a close friend for whatever reason triggers grief the same way that someone close to you dying does. There is a gap left in your life, your thoughts (brain) keep referring back to your friend in all related situations, causing grief. Grief then causes tears in an attempt to release dopamine to calm you. So, the process you are going through now, that you lost a friend, is something physical and happens whether you want it to or not.

It is also normal, eventually the triggers will stop and the brain will fill the vacancy with other people, activities or things.

The suggestion I have is to try to fill the gaps on purpose to hurry up the process - find new activities and engage in them as soon and often as you can.

Also, maybe you can find a support group, in person or online. Groups can be more stable, since one individual leaving doesn't stop the group. They also expect you to share everything, so no worries there.

I hope you feel better soon. Heart

I think I'm also a bit of an introvert. I only dare to share my thoughts with people on the internet and my psychologist. Sometimes my great boyfriend.
I spend a lot of time alone during the day, when everyone is at work (I'm officially handicapped by chronical depression and anxiety, so I don't have to work very much. I enjoy having so much time alone.)

You are right that losing a friend creates grief of some sort, even though the friend didn't die. I don't think I completely lost his friendship, but the closeness and trust we had towards each other. Feels like the same thing as losing him.
Homefully it's a process like you say, that I'll get through eventually. People get over way bigger loses after all. Like their friends of family members actually die.
It's very hard when you catch yourself wanting to talk to them and then realize you can't.

I'm hoping it's okay if I use your people on here as a bit of a support group Smile I am always dead scared of sharing things with new people, but here I've been for a long time and I know everybody is religion free and by far mostly humanists and woo-free. Smile Also, you're all online. So I feel pretty safe.

I've been in "professional suport groups" at the hospital without much success.

Thanks for caring. You guys are wonderful. So don't freak out if I suddenly make a panic "I'm all alone and don't know what to do with this breakdown" thread Smile

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