I'm needy
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
09-02-2017, 11:44 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 08:05 AM)Fatbaldhobbit Wrote:  
(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I need to learn to rely on myself for emotional support, but I have no idea how.

That's definitely something the medical professionals should be helping you with. However that is also an aspect of your illness, a symptom.

(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I also become afraid that they are only my friends because, knowing my story, they feel bad for me.

That's your illness talking.

(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I spend a lot of time alone during the day, when everyone is at work (I'm officially handicapped by chronical depression and anxiety, so I don't have to work very much. I enjoy having so much time alone.)

As an introvert, I can see how that would be enjoyable. However, as you've noted, being alone means you have no one to talk to. Have you talked to your doctors/counselors about volunteering? Like at animal shelters or food banks and such. You would be helping others and that often makes people feel better.

Another suggestion is a pet, although there are a lot of caveats with that one. Cost, housing rules, allergies, etc. Is a dog or cat an option?

I'm not sure how your illness manifests. Panic attacks suck, but sometimes you can fight it by reminding yourself that it is an illness, brain chemistry. Write yourself notes to read or videos. Sometimes all you can do is ride it out.

Worries/Obsessive thoughts/etc. are different, easier in some ways, harder in others. The blind unreasoning panic is missing, but the subjects seem so legitimate, its hard to just ride it out.

If you find yourself jumping from topic to topic, worrying about one thing, then switching to another, you can use that as a point to counter your worries.

Also, identifying your triggers - what sets you off, that is essential. Every fight you avoid is a victory. It's also helpful if you know an attack might be coming. The ones that hit by surprise seem to hit hardest and be the toughest to fight off.

Exercise is also good. Or so I hear. Big Grin

Self education is also a good tool. Keep aware of the latest treatments, therapies, medications. New developments are constantly happening and the next one might be the one that helps you. Thumbsup

You are very wise Smile

The volunteering idea is good! The problem is that I have a hard time getting out into the world and dealing with new people. I'm not convinced I'd be able to handle it as it is.
I have actually thought about, if I felt able to handle it, I'd love to join a program here where volunteers help refugee children who struggle at school with studying and just being an adult friend and supporter. It's something I'd really love to do once I feel sure I can handle the commitment.
In the past I've also, through an organization, been a penpal for inmates. Something I could do from my own home, so I figured it'd be something I could handle. It also worked well for a while, but in the end I got more sick and ended up disappointing people. Something I still feel very guilty about. I don't want to let people rely on me for some need, then suddenly turn out undependable.
I will however have a look if there's some other thing I can help a charitable organization with from home. Without the risk of hurting people.

I love animals and pets are the best thing in the world! Unfortunately pets aren't allowed in the appartment my boyfriend and I live in, but hopefully it won't be too long before we can have a house, and thus a dog. I SO miss having a dog! Until then I have my fish and snakes. Both are great for my mood! Watching fish is like charity in itself, and the snakes are always up for a cuddle.
Don't tell my landlord we have snakes. We're technically not allowed. But fortunately they're really good at keeping quiet Wink

You are very right about learning to remind yourself, when you're having a bad situation, that this is an illness. That it isn't actually the apocalypse an that I'll be feeling better soon (concerning the panic attacks). I have practiced this a lot and am also getting better at recognizing the signs when something is about to hit, so it doesn't come as out of the blue.
The depression is harder to deal with that the anxiety, it's so persistent and draining and not in "attacks" in the same way. But Electroconvulsive Therapy, medications and therapy has really helped, and the last year os so I've been getting better and better. So the depression part is also becoming something I can deal with rationally (my brain tends to respond well to reason. No wonder faith healing never helped at all.)

I also hear exercise is good. I'm not convinced that something that hurts and makes you struggle to breathe is healthy Big Grin But I am starting to get some exercise into my life.

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LadyDay's post
09-02-2017, 11:47 AM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 08:10 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  I have only two solutions to any of my problems.

Either wait for the right thing to come along, and do it, or keep doing the "wrong" thing until it becomes the right thing. Patience or persistence, basically.

I may be projecting here, but who isn't? I don't know you at all, but I'm extending my offer of friendship.

As for more selfless advice... Anytime you're overwhelmed, just take a step back and rise above it all. Take perspective. That ought to help.

I would be very happy to have you as a friend! You are the most excited penguin I've ever come across. All the other penguins seem to mostly waddle around un-excitedly.

I try to be persistent, and you're very right about the perspective!

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-02-2017, 12:01 PM
RE: I'm needy
(03-02-2017 08:32 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  But how do I learn to manage my own feelings?

It's not easy. I spent a bit of time wandering around aimlessly in the outback without a guide, map, or even compass living off toad venom. It's very easy to get lost out there and never find your way back. Anywho, I think I got my feelings under control. And by under control I mean literally my under my control. I distanced myself from the feeling and let it run its course, but I didn't admit it as "my" feeling and just watched it dispassionately from afar. After watching enough of them I started to get a feel for the operating characteristics of each, their utility and disutility. I feel like I am now at the point where I can manipulate them directly and intentionally. Instead of them happening to me in reaction to a situation, I can employ as as I see fit to the situation. It's just a matter of recalling the right neural pattern. And now that I can pretty much command them at will, the only one that seems worth talking to at all is happy feet. When I find myself in awkward or uncomfortable or contentious or sad or unfortunate or anxious situations I think "How can I make happy feet work for me here?" Sometimes it means bringing a little levity to lighten up the situation, sometimes a happy dance is enough, sometimes a hug is all that's required, sometimes just a smile, and yes sometimes it means beating feet to get the hell away from the situation before happy feet ain't happy no more.

Be Happy Feet LadyDay!

Actually the Australian outback is on my list of dreams. A friend (I'd get killed in a moment on my own), a pair of horses, a tent and the vast, open, untouched nature with a huge sky above, heat and an incredible wild snake population (I have a passion for snakes. Another reason I'd need a buddy along to keep me from getting killed.) I'll remember to lick the toads.

I like your analytical approach to feelings. I'm trying to develop a similar approach myself. Or at least being prepared for them, realize when they're showing up and use some mental tools to deal with them and avoid falling into the dark hole. Use the tricks I have available, like drawing, reading, kissing boyfriend and talking to my fish (Yes. I talk to my fish. Don't worry, they only talk back when boyfriend is home. And in his voice for some reason.)
I'm going to find Happy Feet!

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LadyDay's post
09-02-2017, 12:05 PM
RE: I'm needy
(05-02-2017 04:51 PM)IgniteThought Wrote:  I understand how you feel. I recently moved to a whole new place and the only person I feel close to here is my best friend, but he has other obligations. When I'm alone, it's hard to avoid negative thoughts. I am scared about what the future has in store for me. When I was home I at least I felt sheltered and on solid ground. Now, it feels like I'm plunging into an abyss. It's hard for me to get close to people and open up. I don't see a way to improve my situation at the moment. Not having a car isn't making things easier. Weeping

We're not alone in this then Smile
You are always welcome to drop me a message when you need to talk to someone!
I give excellent virtual cuddles!

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-02-2017, 12:12 PM
RE: I'm needy
(09-02-2017 12:01 PM)LadyDay Wrote:  I like your analytical approach to feelings.

I might've neglected to mention that I also take a bunch of meds - seroquel, trazadone, wellbutrin, buspar, benzos, ... They help quite a bit to quiet things down enough to think dispassionately (they also take all my passion away, meh tradeoffs). I'm a big fan of pharma tech support.

#sigh
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes GirlyMan's post
09-02-2017, 12:18 PM
RE: I'm needy
(09-02-2017 07:31 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(03-02-2017 02:02 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I need to learn to rely on myself for emotional support, but I have no idea how. I get overwhelmed and get terrible panic attacks when I don't have a friend around to talk about my issues with. My sweet friends of course can't always be available to me 24/7 and they also can't solve my issues, so I get pretty draining on them.
I also become afraid that they are only my friends because, knowing my story, they feel bad for me.
I've just now very nearly lost a very, very dear friend of mine, because of this (this is putting it very simply, but the dynamic is there).
But how do I learn to manage my own feelings? Without getting panic attacks and without hurting myself.
It's so hard to have to carry these things alone.
I'm in treatment with a psychiatrist and a psychologist, and have been for a long time, but they can't cure me (literally everything has been tried and this is one of the absolute top psychiatrists in the country.) and they obviously can't be at my side 24/7 either.
As I said, I nearly lost the best friend I've ever had last night, and I don't have an appointment with my psychologist until the 22nd (psychiatrist even longer).
So I don't know what to do.
And as always, I'm needy and unable to deal with my own issues myself, so I'm reaching out to you, hoping you guys can tell me how you learned to rely on yourself rather than those around you.

Thanks guys

I'm in a very similar position to you, terrible panic attacks and all manner of dark imaginings feelings of impending doom hopelessness the whole nine yards. I try not to give advice here anymore mainly because the last time I tried to help someone on here they turned on me for no reason (not that I think you would do the same at all though) and also I'm not in control so I actually in this case literally have no advice to give you on how to manage your feelings.
However, I can empathize deeply and perhaps knowing there is someone else who suffers the same way will go some way to help ease the feelings of isolation these emotional issues frequently produce. I send you a friendly hug of support and understandingHug

Knowing that someone empathizes and can understand is what I need more than anything. It is incredible how alone in the world you feel when the panic attacks sets in or when having an extra depressed day.
I am sorry to hear you having these issues too, but it is comforting to know there is others. I hope you're also getting help. I know for a fact that there is cures for this. Even when it takes something serious. I've had 53 Electroconvulsive treatments. Hard work and only something to do when other options have been tried, but it is a life-saving treatment! It has saved my life and I'm so grateful to the doctors who were this persistent in trying to help me! (yeah, I advocate this treatment whenever possible. It's not a painful, torturous treatment like it was in the 30s. You're asleep while it happens. And it helps so many with chronic, treatment resistant depression. I really want the stigma around this treatment to change.)
So while I still struggle, it's so, so, so much better than it used to be, and it keeps improving.
It sucks, but it gets better! It just takes reaching out to a good psychiatrist who doesn't give up until you are better again!

Thank you for empathizing! It means the world!
Lots of hugs back Hug

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-02-2017, 12:23 PM
RE: I'm needy
(09-02-2017 12:12 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(09-02-2017 12:01 PM)LadyDay Wrote:  I like your analytical approach to feelings.

I might've neglected to mention that I also take a bunch of meds - seroquel, trazadone, wellbutrin, buspar, benzos, ... They help quite a bit to quiet things down enough to think dispassionately (they also take all my passion away, meh tradeoffs). I'm a big fan of pharma tech support.

You are talking to someone else who's had their life saved and turned around with the help of modern medicine. And is a big, big fan of it!

Electroconvulsive Therapy, and I'm on Anafranil, Lyrica, Euthryrox (experimental for depression), Lamotrigin, Oxapax and Quetiapin. Fortunately they haven't taken my passion for things away. On the contrary getting the depression and anxiety under control has enabled me to be passionate about things!
The second I forget my meds, or a dose is lowered, I get very, very sick. They are keeping my brain chemistry in check. Doctors are awesome!

Big Grin

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LadyDay's post
09-02-2017, 01:19 PM
RE: I'm needy
(09-02-2017 12:23 PM)LadyDay Wrote:  You are talking to someone else who's had their life saved and turned around with the help of modern medicine. And is a big, big fan of it!

Electroconvulsive Therapy, and I'm on Anafranil, Lyrica, Euthryrox (experimental for depression), Lamotrigin, Oxapax and Quetiapin. Fortunately they haven't taken my passion for things away.

Damn, you are all experimental and shit. I think I might want to try me some of that ECT just for kicks.

(09-02-2017 12:23 PM)LadyDay Wrote:  On the contrary getting the depression and anxiety under control has enabled me to be passionate about things!

No big deal, just a manic depressive who kinda sorta sometimes misses the manic is all.

#sigh
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-02-2017, 02:23 PM
RE: I'm needy
Yay I'm on Lyrica and quetiapine too, great stuff does the business Wink
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-02-2017, 02:40 PM
RE: I'm needy
(09-02-2017 01:19 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(09-02-2017 12:23 PM)LadyDay Wrote:  You are talking to someone else who's had their life saved and turned around with the help of modern medicine. And is a big, big fan of it!

Electroconvulsive Therapy, and I'm on Anafranil, Lyrica, Euthryrox (experimental for depression), Lamotrigin, Oxapax and Quetiapin. Fortunately they haven't taken my passion for things away.

Damn, you are all experimental and shit. I think I might want to try me some of that ECT just for kicks.

(09-02-2017 12:23 PM)LadyDay Wrote:  On the contrary getting the depression and anxiety under control has enabled me to be passionate about things!

No big deal, just a manic depressive who kinda sorta sometimes misses the manic is all.

It's good stuff! Haha. The memory loss sucks though. And it's hard work with all that anaesthesia and brain convulsing. But damn it's effective!

I don't have the manic side. Only depressive. So passion wise it could only improve.
But I can imagine you can crave the high. Hopefully you get lots of healthy, non-destructive happiness. When you're in need of a high, I recommend chocolate. Big Grin My unhealthy addiction.

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: