I'm so scared!
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28-06-2013, 07:48 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
If you live somewhere that makes it easy, or you are flexible enough, I would REQUIRE her to keep a job....any job. It will get you out of each others hair, it will teach her valuable lessons, it will keep her OCCUPIED --boredom leads teens to trouble. You might even charge her a bit of rent -- too much money will get a teen in trouble too. Stop in and check to make sure she is working when she says she is.

I don't know about your personal life, I wouldn't worry so much about a GF, but 3 might not be the message you want to send. I dunno. That's your business.

Here's my list:

1. a regular job
2. pay $ for rent (if you say groceries-she will say that she's not eating your food)
3. no drugs, no more than 2 friends at a time, no boys. Tell her there will be drug tests (whether or not you do it is your business)
4. curfew- friends MUST go home every night. She must be home every night by a certain time.
5. HONESTY above all else. If she fucks up-she needs to tell you and you need to take it without flipping out. Yep-its gonna suck, but getting past it is important. This is where others are dropping the ball.
6. Ask the tough questions- is she sexually active? Take her to planned parenthood or the doctor.
7. Stealing your stuff, and intentionally fucking up your life is grounds for eviction.
8. When school comes back-she's required to keep atleast a C average.


Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!
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28-06-2013, 07:56 PM (This post was last modified: 28-06-2013 07:59 PM by Full Circle.)
RE: I'm so scared!
Are you officially becoming her guardian?

If it were me, and I know full well its not, explain in cold, hard reality that you are willing to provide only as long as she respects you and the rules. No one in your house while you are not home, break this rule and out you go. No drugs, break this rule and off you go.

If she is a rebel, and for everyone else to have given up on her it sounds as she is, I just don't place a high probability of this working out I'm sorry to say.

Hope I'm wrong, good luck.

PS Disregard my post, just listen to Bows & Arrows, she has teenage daughters and knows what she's talking about.

Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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28-06-2013, 07:57 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
some other things are obvious ones, but not necessarily deal breakers, but they make life together much more pleasant.

daily shower, clean up after self, cook own meals, do own laundry, clean the bathroom regularly, etc.

If you can make time for her daily on a regular basis. I see a father and teen son walk in our neighborhood every evening. They just go around the block, but its every day. When you can-take her out for a fun evening-treat her how you hope future boyfriends will treat her. Show her what a genuine nice date looks like. Manners, interest in her thoughts and activities, genuine concern for her well being.

LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of hugs. I've heard there are studies about hugs and if you hold someone tightly for over 10-15 seconds or something like that-it changes us in a positive way....releases endorphins, removes stress, etc.


Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!
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28-06-2013, 07:59 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
What the heck are you making excuses for yourself for?

You are who you are now, and you may have learned in life that one better not do certain things. Don't be ashamed of your past, for crying out loud! That just gives her a way to manipulate you.

I like Bows and Arrows' rules.

She is 16, she is in trouble. She needs structure. At that age you need structure.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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28-06-2013, 08:04 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
my girls are young, no teens.

You need to get guardian ship papers sooner or later. They are easy, but if you are responsible for her then you also need to be able to call the shots.

If you are her legal guardian you could probably put her on your health insurance or at the very least thru the state get her some sort of drug treatment plan, or a regular therapy session. She's got issues and those need to be addressed. Clearly- people saying 'don't do drugs' isn't sinking in.

I wonder if 30 days inpatient treatment might be better? Has she been in trouble with the police?


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28-06-2013, 08:06 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
(28-06-2013 07:48 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  If you live somewhere that makes it easy, or you are flexible enough, I would REQUIRE her to keep a job....any job. It will get you out of each others hair, it will teach her valuable lessons, it will keep her OCCUPIED --boredom leads teens to trouble. You might even charge her a bit of rent -- too much money will get a teen in trouble too. Stop in and check to make sure she is working when she says she is.

I don't know about your personal life, I wouldn't worry so much about a GF, but 3 might not be the message you want to send. I dunno. That's your business.

Here's my list:

1. a regular job
2. pay $ for rent (if you say groceries-she will say that she's not eating your food)
3. no drugs, no more than 2 friends at a time, no boys. Tell her there will be drug tests (whether or not you do it is your business)
4. curfew- friends MUST go home every night. She must be home every night by a certain time.
5. HONESTY above all else. If she fucks up-she needs to tell you and you need to take it without flipping out. Yep-its gonna suck, but getting past it is important. This is where others are dropping the ball.
6. Ask the tough questions- is she sexually active? Take her to planned parenthood or the doctor.
7. Stealing your stuff, and intentionally fucking up your life is grounds for eviction.
8. When school comes back-she's required to keep atleast a C average.

Thank You!!! Bowing
That trio has plenty of playmates; they won't come around with real life responsibility staring them in the face. It's a good thing (at least that's what I'm telling myself Undecided ). It's just going to SUCK for a while.

is it O.K. if I laugh a little at myself? I'm writing those 8 down now.
I won't have to rehearse how I say it if I just present the list. gawdam, listen to me.
Thank You.

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28-06-2013, 08:09 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
(28-06-2013 08:04 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  my girls are young, no teens.

You need to get guardian ship papers sooner or later. They are easy, but if you are responsible for her then you also need to be able to call the shots.

If you are her legal guardian you could probably put her on your health insurance or at the very least thru the state get her some sort of drug treatment plan, or a regular therapy session. She's got issues and those need to be addressed. Clearly- people saying 'don't do drugs' isn't sinking in.

I wonder if 30 days inpatient treatment might be better? Has she been in trouble with the police?

To give you an idea how fucked up this is, I'll find out "everything" come Sunday.
And yes, if things "work out" I'll end up being her legal guardian.

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28-06-2013, 08:13 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
(28-06-2013 07:59 PM)Dom Wrote:  What the heck are you making excuses for yourself for?

You are who you are now, and you may have learned in life that one better not do certain things. Don't be ashamed of your past, for crying out loud! That just gives her a way to manipulate you.

I like Bows and Arrows' rules.

She is 16, she is in trouble. She needs structure. At that age you need structure.

It's likely the apologetic feelings will be the first things to evaporate. She's family, though, and I don't get a lot of family time based on my past.

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28-06-2013, 08:14 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
Is she moving away from her friends? a considerable distance? More than 4hr road trip? Teens think nothing of driving 4hrs to drop off a bag of weed. and driving back home in a day.
It's probably a good thing to break her off from her friends. Her friends cause her trouble. You might want to confiscate her phone, and any other gadget she can use to communicate with them the moment you meet her. Leave them with who ever is dropping her off. In the parking lot, when you are picking her up is when you need to do this. She can break ties to the past, come with you and start fresh, or she can walk.

Remind her- your house-your rules.

if she gives it up....go an hour down the road, stop for ice cream, because ice cream makes it all good, and thats when you hit her with the other rules.


Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!
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28-06-2013, 08:15 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
You said your brother won't have her back, have you talked to him?

Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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