I'm so scared!
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06-07-2013, 07:25 AM
RE: I'm so scared!
Glad to hear it's going well...thanks for the update!

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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07-07-2013, 04:22 AM
RE: I'm so scared!
Hey, just read through all of this. Great thing you're doing.

Now, even though I'm a 17 year old kid, I may have some advice.
See, I noticed something about my dad recently that really surprised me. I haven't been doing great in school, which he noticed.

Instead of just getting angry, cutting off my internet (which I would've gotten around) or doing something similar, he sat me down and we just talked it out. We discussed what the problem was, and how we could fix it. That is the best way to approach a teenager. They wan't to have a say in things, they want to feel listened to.

As for your question about whether or not every teenager is self sufficient - Nope. I don't do a lot in the house. It's the status quo, my parents never made me do a lot. Plus, we have a cleaning lady who comes every thursday.

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10-07-2013, 05:36 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
Don't trouble yourself with a reply; just need to rant w/o blowing up out loud, and can't stay anyway.

Apparently the mother of my niece died at 10:05 am Monday morning of kidney failure due to alcohol poisoning, and only today did someone deign to inform her daughter! She's beside herself (I mean it was her mother), and add to that she gets a "see what can happen" scolding by her dad when she finds out.

I won't lie; I'm not distraught AT ALL that bitch is dead, but I'm obviously not going to let that show. After my older brother's last wife died of cancer I promised myself I'd never go to another funeral, but I've already signed up to be with her at this one! F:censored:ing drama drama DRAMA.

I swear, with the exception of maybe 3 people, I'd pay real money to have every single family member, on my mother's side, committed or shipped to Siberia or fricken something!!!!!!!

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10-07-2013, 06:12 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
Hang in there is all I can say, you really are a good guy and she needs you desperately right now.

If you need help to get her through the grieving, don't be afraid to ask for it.

Hugs to you both.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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12-07-2013, 08:51 AM
RE: I'm so scared!
I'm sure you will do this, but have a game plan for how you will handle the time with the other family. Assure your niece that if she wants to leave whatever gathering you are at, that all she has to do is say the word and you are out of there.....whether its for a 30 minute break or done for good. Sometimes just knowing there is a plan for escape, if needed, helps make events more tolerable.

There is NO EXCUSE whatsoever for her not to be informed as soon as this happened.

This poor kid....damn....I'm glad she has you.

Grief beyond belief has a facebook page that might help.


Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!
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15-07-2013, 05:21 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
I feel like an ass admitting this after all the stellar advice you fine people have given, but my niece left this morning with her Aunt. Came back with us yesterday to help our niece pack her shit to go "home". Something I was informed of only after the funeral / circus macabre, Saturday night, by both of them. She's still the legal guardian, so that's that!

Do I not have a right to be just a bit angry? It's not my niece's fault I flipped out over bringing a teenager to live here, and I didn't exactly add on another wing to my house, but I was well and properly committed to making this an appropriate home for her.

The main reason I lost my shit is I'm not a sweeping change kind of guy; I don't like multiple turds assaulting the fan, all at once! I like them to come one at a time with enough forewarning to allow me time to think which snap decisions I'll make. As it was, I was given 4 days to decide to let her live with me, 4 days to pick up the empty liquor bottles, and send the ball-gag shit back to it's owner. Which I did. Then this?

I tried telling her (in as sensitive a way possible) that the death of her mother wasn't likely to change anything between her & her dad, and that the apparent change in her Aunt's attitude toward her might not last longer than it took for the tragedy to wear off. I wasn't able to get her alone, so her Aunt heard some of this and was offended, but fuck her. I thought I'd leave them some alone/commiserate time, but they must have spent a little of that talking about something else!!!! The supposed reasons being "I miss my family, I miss my friends" blah blah, but you could tell there was something else at play.

I realize the death of a mother, for someone as young as her, can be traumatic, but we never had a single argument. Laughed alot. She'd gotten 3 days in at the Dollar Store before getting home to that call that started this last weekend! I took Monday and Tuesday off week before last to make sure she was settled in; made up for it by going in the 4th & helping the bean counters do inventory. Took Thursday & Friday off last week to do this thing down there, and all for naught!!

I won't lie; I'm somewhat relieved to have this responsibility off my shoulders, but I'm also feeling just a little betrayed here. If not by my niece then the people responsible for her. Like this wasn't the permanent resident change I was led to believe it was. Perhaps my home was more a destination for a vacation to get away from it all that was cut short by a tragedy.

Or maybe I'm just a giant pussy who whines too much. To all of you who replied to this thread, thank you. Sorry I wasted your fucking time. Gawdamit, I'm getting drunk.

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15-07-2013, 05:24 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
You tried. You stepped up. It may not work as a living arrangement but she knows someone is there for her. I still say good for you for stepping up to the plate.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-07-2013, 05:27 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
(15-07-2013 05:21 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  I feel like an ass admitting this after all the stellar advice you fine people have given, but my niece left this morning with her Aunt. Came back with us yesterday to help our niece pack her shit to go "home". Something I was informed of only after the funeral / circus macabre, Saturday night, by both of them. She's still the legal guardian, so that's that!

Do I not have a right to be just a bit angry? It's not my niece's fault I flipped out over bringing a teenager to live here, and I didn't exactly add on another wing to my house, but I was well and properly committed to making this an appropriate home for her.

The main reason I lost my shit is I'm not a sweeping change kind of guy; I don't like multiple turds assaulting the fan, all at once! I like them to come one at a time with enough forewarning to allow me time to think which snap decisions I'll make. As it was, I was given 4 days to decide to let her live with me, 4 days to pick up the empty liquor bottles, and send the ball-gag shit back to it's owner. Which I did. Then this?

I tried telling her (in as sensitive a way possible) that the death of her mother wasn't likely to change anything between her & her dad, and that the apparent change in her Aunt's attitude toward her might not last longer than it took for the tragedy to wear off. I wasn't able to get her alone, so her Aunt heard some of this and was offended, but fuck her. I thought I'd leave them some alone/commiserate time, but they must have spent a little of that talking about something else!!!! The supposed reasons being "I miss my family, I miss my friends" blah blah, but you could tell there was something else at play.

I realize the death of a mother, for someone as young as her, can be traumatic, but we never had a single argument. Laughed alot. She'd gotten 3 days in at the Dollar Store before getting home to that call that started this last weekend! I took Monday and Tuesday off week before last to make sure she was settled in; made up for it by going in the 4th & helping the bean counters do inventory. Took Thursday & Friday off last week to do this thing down there, and all for naught!!

I won't lie; I'm somewhat relieved to have this responsibility off my shoulders, but I'm also feeling just a little betrayed here. If not by my niece then the people responsible for her. Like this wasn't the permanent resident change I was led to believe it was. Perhaps my home was more a destination for a vacation to get away from it all that was cut short by a tragedy.

Or maybe I'm just a giant pussy who whines too much. To all of you who replied to this thread, thank you. Sorry I wasted your fucking time. Gawdamit, I'm getting drunk.

She may just need a woman after her mom died... you never know who will react in what way to a death.

Give her a call to see how she is doing, and stay in touch so she knows you care.

Everything must be extremely confusing for her and this ain't over til it's over. She is in your life now, whether she lives with you or her aunt.

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27-08-2013, 07:42 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
Wow, I'm sorry to hear how things turned out.

It sounds like you and your niece were getting settled in nicely before all hell broke loose with her mom dying and her Aunt coming in to take over. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some financial incentive through social services. If you're right about the relationship with the Aunt going back to what it was before, you'll probably be called on again to help out with your niece.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You were there for her when nobody else was. She won't forget that. She sounds like a smart young woman, and she knows you're her family.

You may be the one person in the world she knows she can count on - don't ever discount the positive things that happened while she was with you.

. . . all the gods were stories we told the children to make them behave. ~ Thoros of Myr (Game of Thrones, Episode 3:06)
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28-08-2013, 09:23 PM
RE: I'm so scared!
(27-08-2013 07:42 PM)Scully Wrote:  Wow, I'm sorry to hear how things turned out.

It sounds like you and your niece were getting settled in nicely before all hell broke loose with her mom dying and her Aunt coming in to take over. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some financial incentive through social services. If you're right about the relationship with the Aunt going back to what it was before, you'll probably be called on again to help out with your niece.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You were there for her when nobody else was. She won't forget that. She sounds like a smart young woman, and she knows you're her family.

You may be the one person in the world she knows she can count on - don't ever discount the positive things that happened while she was with you.

Thank you, really. I've spoken with her twice since it all went down, and she seems to be doing fine. I'd like to think something I did turned it around for her, but she wasn't here even 2 weeks. I don't think I was as desperately needed as I was led to believe, but oh well. She hasn't gotten into any trouble, and said she's enrolled in some nursing related thing I can't remember the name of, so I'm happy for her. Thanks again for the advice; I was giving birth to kittens & shitting bricks there for awhile. It was all much appreciated Shy

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