I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
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06-07-2015, 12:07 AM
I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
I like to think that I'm a healthy person. I've never been seriously ill or have ever had any serious medical conditions, or conditions that I've had to take medication for. Mental illness, however, runs quite rampant through my family, and nearly every one of my family members have their mental quirks, and mine is hypochondria.

I really can't go a night without dwelling on a heart palpitation/flutter, weird sensation in my head, or any other kind of pain or annoyance that can come from any naturally occurring bodily process. My mother told me that I might have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a syndrome that runs throughout my family, resulting in fibromyalgia and other pain associated with tendons and body tissue. Sadly, there is no treatment for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome other than painkillers, which my mother takes (which I refuse to take).

I'm at a point in my life where I think with certainty that my time is up, and I really can't see myself getting past high school and going into college, I just don't think I'll make it. I don't know how I'll die, but I have a sense of certainty that I will.

I wouldn't mind dying if not for one circumstance in my life. My big brother died a little over a year ago and it tore through me and my family like a chainsaw through wood. He might be where I got my hypochondria from, as he was in and out of hospitals for his entire life. I remember being in a care units with him when he was sick.

My father even recently told me that if I were to die, he would kill himself. This is not a comforting thought to me, the hypochondriac.

I don't know how to feel right now as I write this. I'm only really writing this because I'm scared of leaving my family. I'm scared of hurting them through my own death, if that makes sense to you.

I know that this is probably all in my head, but I can't seem to pry it out (and I've tried). I think I'm going to die so often that, one of these days, my thoughts alone will probably kill me. I've had panic attacks and other strange sensations as a result of thought, and, in general, I'm a nervous person. I feel like there's an alien bug in my head telling me that I'm dying on a constant basis, or that I will die soon, and leave everyone I love along with all of the unfinished goals and desires that I have, and it's frightening.

I'm 16 years old, have never had any serious illness, and believe that I'm going to die every single night before bed. I write notes in my phone and on paper thanking my family for everything, telling them of my love for them, just in case I do slip into death during my sleep.

I know that most here will advise me to see a doctor, but I just can't force myself to see a doctor for a "mental" problem. It seems that a doctor's only solution to any problem, especially mental, is with a drug, and I don't want anything but my own self to mess with my head.

My goal is to live in peace, and to live past the age of 18, because somehow I feel that 18 years is the cutoff point for me.
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06-07-2015, 03:28 AM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
Well, you are right, I'm going to be one of the ones who say you should go see someone who can help you with your anxiety disorder Wink

There are other techniques to help with anxiety other than medication such as cognitive behavior therapy. You really don't need to be living like this. You can be happy, you just need to take the first step and seek help. You are very young and have a long life ahead of you, don't spend it in worry and despair when something can be done about it.
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06-07-2015, 04:09 AM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
I won't practice amateur psychology here, but it does sound like you would benefit from counselling/therapy and possibly medication.
Good luck - you have a whole life ahead, you deserve a chance to enjoy it.

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06-07-2015, 02:07 PM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
UA - Mental disease is as real as anything caused by virus or other infection. The human endocrine system, which controls our moods and most of our brain-cycles, is a hugely delicate and finely-tuned (ordinarily) thing, and the medications are not a stigma but a fix. You wouldn't look down on someone taking insulin because their pancreas doesn't make enough, would you? It's the same with having to take serotonin regulators, etc.

I hope you can get the help you need. Life as an atheist is actually pretty awesome. Smile

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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07-07-2015, 02:12 PM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
Please get help. I take meds for my PTSD and it keeps me level and less anxious. If mental problems run in your family you are already more likely to develop a mental illness of some sort. My younger brother died just a few months ago so I can relate to what you are going through. Just don't think yourself into a grave because there is a lot of amazing things yet to discover for you in this life.

Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.

-Carl Sagan
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10-07-2015, 06:33 PM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
I'm sorry you feel this way. Please, don't feel like medication is a dirty word. I've been on and off certain things and it took me a while to adjust, but its okay, really. Just use it in combination with CBT and you'll start to see changes.
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10-07-2015, 06:59 PM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
My advice is to see a medical professional who specializes in your condition. As Chas said, you have an entire life before you. At 16 you will likely have to speak to your parents about it. Just tell them you are down. It may be a symptom of having lost your brother. I am not qualified in this field so cannot be sure of anything.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on. Smile

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10-07-2015, 10:27 PM
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
Quote:I know that most here will advise me to see a doctor, but I just can't force myself to see a doctor for a "mental" problem. It seems that a doctor's only solution to any problem, especially mental, is with a drug, and I don't want anything but my own self to mess with my head.
Ok. I realize my username is Nurse - and yes, I am a nurse - but I'm not yours. So take this as friendly advice. Heart

I completely agree with RocketSurgeon - your brain is just as much a part of you as the rest of you.

You are 16. Not only have you been through something most of us would find devastating at any age, but then you have hormones to add to the mix with all the changes your body is going through. Things can get a bit off balance.

If there were help available, help that could stop you from having these feelings of hopelessness, help that could stop you from dwelling on normal body processes and assuming they're signs of imminent death, wouldn't it be worth it? To feel better? To breathe freely and enjoy your life? That's the kind of help that you can find by going to talk to a mental health professional. You may or may not get prescribed a medication to help you achieve balance and pull through this. Taking a medication for depression or anxiety doesn't make you a different person - you don't lose who you are.

Me personally, I've been through a pretty horrible last few years, and now I'm taking a medication for depression and ADHD (something I've left untreated for even years to my own detriment) as well as seeing a therapist. We start out talking about the best part of my past week, the worst part of my past week, and then she gets me thinking and gives me suggestions on how I can improve my outlook and just improve life in general. Tips on how to be the best mom for my son. That's all therapy is - a conversation.

If your mom is suggesting you have a rare disorder because you're having aches and pains (I'm making an assumption here - just trying to understand why she would suggest something like taking pain meds), understand that's a diagnosis that needs to come from a physician. Did you know that anxiety and depression have physical symptoms? It's not "just in your head." Depression can make your entire body hurt. Anxiety can give you chest pains, heart palpitations, make you sweaty, etc.

So let's be real, here. You need help - thinking you're not going to live until 18, writing goodbye notes to your family - these are not healthy thoughts or behaviors. The hardest part about getting help is asking for it. Which parent do you feel more comfortable talking to? If you don't feel comfortable going to your mom or dad and saying "I could really use some help. I need to talk to a counselor," then talk to your school guidance counselor for recommendations.

Hug You don't have to live life this way.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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11-07-2015, 12:02 AM (This post was last modified: 11-07-2015 12:47 AM by GirlyMan.)
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
How I overcame my hypochondria was by learning how to read my labs all by myself. My doc doesn't need to interpret my labs for me. I know what they say and I know what they mean. And I got a fancy blood pressure monitor and when I yell "Sue! I think I'm having a heart attack!" and she says "Monitor says you're fine fatboy." And I got a glucose monitor and when I yell "Sue! I'm thinking I'm having a sugar attack!" and she says "Sugars look good fatboy." And that's enough to reassure me I am fine, no cause to be alarmed.

#sigh
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11-07-2015, 12:52 AM (This post was last modified: 11-07-2015 01:10 AM by GirlyMan.)
RE: I'm tired of being a hypochondriac
(06-07-2015 12:07 AM)UndercoverAtheist Wrote:  ... and I don't want anything but my own self to mess with my head.

I did that at your age. Make sure you know what you are doing. Thar be dragons in there.

#sigh
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