I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
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04-12-2012, 07:37 AM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
This is my opinion, it might be heavily biased because I cannot wrap my head around the idea of actually wanting to check out early. Even when I was depressed (I don't mean sad, I mean clinically, medically depressed), I didn't want to die.

Self-harm and thoughts of suicide are symptoms of an illness. I might not be entirely right about this. You might argue that some people just rationally want to die. And I'm not talking about the terminally ill, I support euthenasia myself.

My point is, if someone is ill, I would do what I can to help them. I am not a medical professional but if someone is ill or injured, and even if his illness or injury prevents him from asking me for help, I will get him the help he needs. Suicide is a fatal symptom of another illness, and this illness prevents your friend from asking for help.

I think the other posters are right about him asking for help. I think you should give it, especially if, as you said, this person is someone you care about it. Suicide is, at this point, the leading cause of death in my family, and I always wonder if there's something I could have said or done to make a difference.

"But the point is, find somebody to love. Everything else is overrated." - HouseofCantor
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04-12-2012, 09:26 AM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
Well, I think there is a 90% chance that I will kill myself one day.

I know how and have the means and that has been the case for decades.

It is a perfectly rational decision and has nothing at all to do with emotional turmoil for me. Emotional turmoil is a reason NOT to kill myself until I have that sorted out.

When I find myself confronted with life options that do not appeal to me on any level, I will choose the exit.

Such things may be:



Painful and fatal illness

Inability to care for myself

Physical conditions that make life a constant struggle and allow for no enjoyment



You see where that is going. It is based on physical conditions, not mental ones.

Things like loss of a love, financial trouble etc. don't qualify because they are temporary. One recovers from emotional blows. But I don't want to die in a hospital, I don't want to live in a home where abuse may occur, I don't want to helplessy watch myself slip into a life that is hell on earth. In such a situation I would happily exit. Yes, happily, because my life will have been a great one.

I would certainly not tell anyone and I would have taken care of all my affairs.

I agree that his talking to you about it means there is a part of him that knows better than to do it at that time, for whatever reason.

I totally disagree that one should go through an examination for mental health - that alone would speed up my decision.

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04-12-2012, 09:42 AM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
As others have already said, talking about suicide is a cry for help; you're not interfering with his right to do whatever he wants with his own body by answering his cry for help because he's asking you to answer that cry for help.

If he gets past the 'cry for help' stage and actually gets to the 'really going to do it' stage, he won't be talking to anyone anymore, he'll just do it. Stopping him then could be interfering with his right to do what he wants. He's obviously not there yet.

Since you care for the guy, I'd suggest you answer his cry for help. Heck, I'd suggest that even if you didn't care for him; I myself would answer such a cry for help even from a total stranger.

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09-12-2012, 01:41 PM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
He's only 22 and needs to get around positive thinking people as quickly as possible. Find something that he does well, and get him talking about it. Make him feel good about himself and try to lead him to a more positive view of himself.

People need to be recognized for their good qualities otherwise they can get down on themselves.

How can anyone become an atheist when we were all born with no religious beliefs in the first place? We are atheists because we were ...
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09-12-2012, 02:33 PM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
(03-12-2012 04:07 PM)RexyRexaw Wrote:  I was of the position that, no I don't like it, and I don't think that a person SHOULD hurt or kill themselves, but that there shouldn't be anything in place stopping them.

Suicide is the only truly inalienable right I can think of.

(03-12-2012 04:07 PM)RexyRexaw Wrote:  On the positive side, he says he wants to do it a certain way and will have to order things off the internet, ...

Sounds like he's putting together an Exit Bag. That's actually a good sign. It means he's thinking about it from a rational perspective and it's not gonna happen out of some momentary emotional distress. Terminal patients which own an exit bag paradoxically see an increase in life extension. Just knowing that it is completely within their control seems somehow palliative in and of itself. I still look at and contemplate mine occasionally, "Nothing focuses a mind like a hanging." - Samuel Johnson. But not nearly as frequently as I did when I was younger. "The absurd man will not commit suicide; he wants to live, without relinquishing any of his certainty, without a future, without hope, without illusions … and without resignation either. He stares at death with passionate attention and this fascination liberates him. He experiences the 'divine irresponsibility' of the condemned man.” - Sartre ... Prolly should check the level of nitrogen in my tank. ... Nah, fuck it. ... In a minute there is time, For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

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09-12-2012, 03:18 PM
I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
I suffer from depression. In fact, I'm suffering from depression right now. I'm not suicidal, but have terrible feelings of desperation and hopelessness lately.

But, my son and his wife are helping me sort through some stuff and giving me suggestions and taking steps to get me some professional help right now. They are both positive people — not perfect people…each has their own (occasional) bout with insecurity or anxiety throughout their life. But, the good thing is that they have each other to go to for a 'pep talk' or something as simple as a hug.

I'm not a 'touchy feely' person, but I feel that getting a physical hug/embrace from a friend, loved one, or even a total stranger can do wonders for someone's emotional state of being.

It's too bad that you are so far away from your friend. And, sad that his mother is away. Living in isolation is a bad thing, in my opinion.

I live in the Pacific NW. The weather dramatically affects my well-being. Maybe it is the same with your friend, in part.

I think that your friend — and you might be his ONLY attentive friend — is crying out for help. He's feeling hopeless right now and cannot, on his own, come up with enough good reasons to stay on this earth. I feel you should do your best to convince him otherwise.

Maybe remind him that YOU need him in your life.

One little thing can change the world for the better. We all have a purpose. He has a purpose and maybe he just needs to recognize his purpose, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

One last thought. Speaking as a mother of three sons, I think it would be a tremendous blow to me if one of them took their life. If your friend has a good relationship with his mother, it might help to remind him of this. (In a gentle way, as I'm sure his emotional state is very fragile right now and you don't want to make him have feelings of guilt.)

I hope he overcomes these feelings of suicide.
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09-12-2012, 03:28 PM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
(09-12-2012 03:18 PM)MsDeville Wrote:  I'm not a 'touchy feely' person, but I feel that getting a physical hug/embrace from a friend, loved one, or even a total stranger can do wonders for someone's emotional state of being.

How do you feel about a bigass GirlyMan virtual hug? ... too late. ... Hug

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09-12-2012, 03:34 PM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
(09-12-2012 03:28 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(09-12-2012 03:18 PM)MsDeville Wrote:  I'm not a 'touchy feely' person, but I feel that getting a physical hug/embrace from a friend, loved one, or even a total stranger can do wonders for someone's emotional state of being.

How do you feel about a bigass GirlyMan virtual hug? ... too late. ... Hug
You are all hands, aren't you... Dodgy

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09-12-2012, 04:33 PM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
(09-12-2012 03:34 PM)Vera Wrote:  
(09-12-2012 03:28 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  How do you feel about a bigass GirlyMan virtual hug? ... too late. ... Hug
You are all hands, aren't you... Dodgy

Need fingers and hands to make my living, but don't need hands to hug, just need arms. Tongue

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09-12-2012, 04:35 PM
RE: I may need some help (trigger warning: talk of suicide)
(09-12-2012 04:33 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(09-12-2012 03:34 PM)Vera Wrote:  You are all hands, aren't you... Dodgy

Need fingers and hands to make my living, but don't need hands to hug, just need arms. Tongue
Technicalities, darling, technicalities. Cool

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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