I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
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05-01-2017, 07:39 AM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
(04-01-2017 09:18 PM)DoubtingThomas Wrote:  I'm currently a youth minister at my church... but I just recently became an atheist 2 months ago. I really want to reveal the truth to my church & quit living a lie, but my Christian family & friends are encouraging me to stay silent about it & just continue leading at the church. They say that I've influenced wayyy too many people to come out & say I don't believe in God anymore.
And I can't step down quietly... gossip spreads quickly in my church.

I partially agree with them, but I feel so hypocritical. I teach Sunday school, serve communion, & give public prayers knowing I don't believe any of this stuff. What should I do?

Get drunk and only attend mass in Latin.

#sigh
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05-01-2017, 07:59 AM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
Maybe this will help: http://clergyproject.org/
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05-01-2017, 01:18 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
They're telling you to lie. I think fuck them.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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05-01-2017, 02:00 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
Do you feel a greater obligation to being truthful with the people around you or their feelings?


For me, it would be the former. Especially considering that at least part of the reason (I suspect) people don't want you to admit you're an atheist is that it will result in a deep questioning of beliefs from the people who look up to you and respect you. Ergo, they want you to not be truthful because it might result in other people questioning their faith.

Being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets
-Rick
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05-01-2017, 03:11 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
First off --

Are you getting a paycheck for this gig????

If so ---- as long as you've notified your boss --- and he's cool with you continuing the charade --- play along.............

......

Catholics have been doing it for over 1500 years.....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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05-01-2017, 04:03 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
(04-01-2017 09:18 PM)DoubtingThomas Wrote:  I'm currently a youth minister at my church... but I just recently became an atheist 2 months ago. I really want to reveal the truth to my church & quit living a lie, but my Christian family & friends are encouraging me to stay silent about it & just continue leading at the church. They say that I've influenced wayyy too many people to come out & say I don't believe in God anymore.
And I can't step down quietly... gossip spreads quickly in my church.

I partially agree with them, but I feel so hypocritical. I teach Sunday school, serve communion, & give public prayers knowing I don't believe any of this stuff. What should I do?

I'm not sure if I qualify as an ex-Christian but I left for reasons similar to yours. My faith never developped beyond a very immature stage, which is why I wonder if I was ever a Christian. It came down to Confirmation and I had hypocrisy on the one hand and departure on the other. I chose to leave honestly. My choice was a great deal simpler and I was never as deeply involved as you are.

I'd say that something has to change, though the exact nature of that change will depend on you and the church. Clearly you're uncomfortable living a lie. Your church should be even less comfortable with it and it's telling that they aren't. As you have said, they gossip so it's only a matter of time before somebody let's something slip to somebody who is not OK with this lie. Three guesses as to who they pin the blame on when that house of cards comes crashing down.

Let them know that you will not be continuing in a spiritual capacity as it is clearly dishonest and pretty obviously violates a rather major Commandment. You might want to be a bit more tactful about it than that though depending on how much bridge-burning you'd like to do or avoid.

If you are inclined to do so, you might suggest to the church that you are willing to continue in a non-spiritual role. Some churches are liberal enough that they're happy to have people keeping kids off the street and the soup kitchen running regardless of faith (or lack thereof) so long as you don't start preaching on their turf. Others are less open-minded. Regardless, you've put the ball in their court and their response will tell you a great deal about the true nature of people that you have been associating with.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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05-01-2017, 04:18 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
(04-01-2017 09:18 PM)DoubtingThomas Wrote:  I'm currently a youth minister at my church... but I just recently became an atheist 2 months ago. I really want to reveal the truth to my church & quit living a lie, but my Christian family & friends are encouraging me to stay silent about it & just continue leading at the church. They say that I've influenced wayyy too many people to come out & say I don't believe in God anymore.
And I can't step down quietly... gossip spreads quickly in my church.

I partially agree with them, but I feel so hypocritical. I teach Sunday school, serve communion, & give public prayers knowing I don't believe any of this stuff. What should I do?

I'd contact the clergy project. I'm sure they can help you or at least give you better advice from people in similar situations.

Hugs and luck.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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05-01-2017, 07:00 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
(04-01-2017 10:00 PM)DoubtingThomas Wrote:  I hear some of you saying I should find another job first... I probably should've mentioned that I don't get paid to do this lol, it's not a career

Then walk away. Drinking Beverage

It does no one any good to live a lie.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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05-01-2017, 08:50 PM
I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
(04-01-2017 09:18 PM)DoubtingThomas Wrote:  What should I do?

If the pay was good I'd keep on rocking with it. Actors get paid for acting so why shouldn't you?

I've thought about starting my own church. What an easy money making job.
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05-01-2017, 09:00 PM
RE: I need advice: Ex-Christians only please
From my experience, most of what you will say will fall on deaf ears. Most of what you will receive is people in shock who will then fill themselves full of confirmation bias and the cognitive dissonance is SO STRONG when them, most anything you're going to say is going to end up with, "He/she must not have been a TRUE christian." or "He/she never TRULY believed then."

The logical fallacies will likely pour from every orifice.

In the end, more important than anything here is that YOU do what is best for YOU. If this does not affect your career, your livelihood, and your ability to live your daily life, then get out, move on and be happy.

When I left religion I just straight up left the church, I stopped going, and cut ties. For the people who were closest to me who asked what happened, I would talk to them. Some people I realize that in having those intimate conversations, have influenced them to leave as well. However, getting up on a pedestal and going, "I TAKE IT ALL BACK!" is unlikely to be met with anything.

Remember that there is no silver bullet to a person's beliefs. There is no secret weapon. Beliefs in worldviews are held in place by a lot of things. Personal reasoning, personal experiences, confirmations, biases, rationalized (well, to them anyway) thoughts that agree with things. To lose religion, to lose one's beliefs, these things must slowly crumble with another structure that replaces it.

It is possible to tell everyone, go preach to them and say, "This is what happened to me." and while you might spark some triggers of thought, it isn't going to end up removing the foundation of everything that causes those people to believe. Much like you have had a gradual decline in your belief and come to your conclusion, it is a similar journey for others.

I have dealt with my family trying to reconvert me for years. I tell them no, I stick to my guns, and I'll debate the fuck out of them all day long if they want to try. However, I refuse to "go to church just to try it" for their sake, because it'll make them feel good, or because they want to guilt trip me.

One life to live. I refuse to waste it spending time pandering to fairy tales and horse shit lies from sheep herders that didn't even know that stars weren't holes in "firmament of the stars" or thought the earth was flat.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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