I need someone to listen
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16-01-2016, 08:37 PM
I need someone to listen
I had a very nerve racking conversation today with my Dad. It was about money. I wont go into everything. The major thing that stuck out to me was my Dad doesn't think I can take care of myself. He doesn't think I can move out and live on my own. He doesn't think I can support myself. It is my dream to support myself. I would love to get out from my Dad's grip. This really hurt me and upset me. It hurt me so much that my tummy hurts. It made me think that my Dad doesn't believe in my dreams to live on my own and be independent. How would he like it if his wife didn't believe in his dreams? He would be crushed! Just like I am crushed. This whole conversation sent me into depression. I thought your parents are supposed to support you and cheer you on in life. I guess not. I thought your parents are supposed to tell you, you can do anything and I believe in you. I think my Dad doesn't believe in me. I have dreams. I dream of moving out one day and starting a life on my own. Away from everyone and everything. It hurts when someone doesn't believe in me. Anyway, I'm just rambling so I'll end it here.

If you could please no constructive critisim. I don't think I could take it right now. Maybe some cheering up?
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16-01-2016, 09:13 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 08:37 PM)musicharmony87 Wrote:  I thought your parents are supposed to support you and cheer you on in life. I guess not. I thought your parents are supposed to tell you, you can do anything and I believe in you. I think my Dad doesn't believe in me.

If you could please no constructive critisim. I don't think I could take it right now. Maybe some cheering up?

No, Music. I'm compelled to provide a little constructive criticism. What you're seeking is most definitely not normal parenting. It's neither realistic nor productive. Much like a mother bird shoves the babies out of the nest when she knows they're ready, in his own way, your dad is trying to push you into success.

Have confidence in yourself and your abilities, and be assured that he wouldn't be pushing you if he didn't think you could handle it. If you believe you have what it takes, then go out there and make your dreams happen. He believes in you too, otherwise he wouldn't bother with you. Take those cues and fly.
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16-01-2016, 09:23 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
You can be crushed by this or be strengthened by it. Your choice.

Make a plan, set goals, do what you need to do to reach those goals so you can be independent and be on your own... then do it. Work towards it every single day. One step at a time. Don't mope around being sorry for yourself. Prove him wrong and make positive, goal orientated decisions. The only person you need to have faith in you is you!

If you want to be treated like a mature self-sufficient adult who can master their own life, then you will have to act and be one. This is not criticism, this is cheerleading.

Get out there and take care of business!

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16-01-2016, 09:26 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 09:23 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  You can be crushed by this or be strengthened by it. Your choice.

Make a plan, set goals, do what you need to do to reach those goals so you can be independent and be on your own... then do it. Work towards it every single day. One step at a time. Don't mope around being sorry for yourself. Prove him wrong and make positive, goal orientated decisions. The only person you need to have faith in you is you!

If you want to be treated like a mature self-sufficient adult who can master their own life, then you will have to act and be one. This is not criticism, this is cheerleading.

Get out there and take care of business!

Yeah! Now I feel motivated!
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16-01-2016, 09:28 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 08:37 PM)musicharmony87 Wrote:  ...
my Dad doesn't think I can take care of myself. He doesn't think I can move out and live on my own. He doesn't think I can support myself.
...

Can I ask ... was there a "yet" anywhere in his statements?

Your profile doesn't give your age but a wild guess ... are you 28 or maybe 29 years old?

That should be old enough to leap from the nest (to use Aliza's analogy) assuming that the groundwork has been done (a job, for example) and the instinct is intact (the innate ability to fly).

Is your father doubting the preparation or the instinct?

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16-01-2016, 09:28 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 09:26 PM)Aliza Wrote:  
(16-01-2016 09:23 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  You can be crushed by this or be strengthened by it. Your choice.

Make a plan, set goals, do what you need to do to reach those goals so you can be independent and be on your own... then do it. Work towards it every single day. One step at a time. Don't mope around being sorry for yourself. Prove him wrong and make positive, goal orientated decisions. The only person you need to have faith in you is you!

If you want to be treated like a mature self-sufficient adult who can master their own life, then you will have to act and be one. This is not criticism, this is cheerleading.

Get out there and take care of business!

Yeah! Now I feel motivated!

Laugh out loadLaugh out loadLaugh out load I just got off my bicycle and I'm still ramped. Big Grin

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16-01-2016, 09:35 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
From a young boy, my parents told me I was stupid. I was treated poorly and ended up working and looking after myself from a young age.

Years later I became friends with a man who later went on to become a top computer scientist. This was about 16 years old. He told me "You are not stupid. Here, read his book."

Long story short, I went on to discover not only was I not stupid, I was full of all kinds of talents and it changed my life. Your father may simply be trying to control you.

Never let another tell you who you are.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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16-01-2016, 11:18 PM
I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 09:28 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(16-01-2016 08:37 PM)musicharmony87 Wrote:  ...
my Dad doesn't think I can take care of myself. He doesn't think I can move out and live on my own. He doesn't think I can support myself.
...

Can I ask ... was there a "yet" anywhere in his statements?

Your profile doesn't give your age but a wild guess ... are you 28 or maybe 29 years old?

That should be old enough to leap from the nest (to use Aliza's analogy) assuming that the groundwork has been done (a job, for example) and the instinct is intact (the innate ability to fly).

Is your father doubting the preparation or the instinct?

There was no yet in his statement. I'm 34 years old. That's the age to fly on my own. I think he's doubting my ability to live my dream. I don't like dream crushers but I am going to prove him wrong. My good friend wants a room mate because rent is so expensive. I don't know how but I want to move in with her in the future. I want to be removed from my dad financially. I want to be able to support myself in all areas. I guess life is expensive.
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16-01-2016, 11:25 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
I'm assuming you have a job, one you could keep if you move in with your friend? If finances are your main worry, budget every dollar you make and spend meticulously.

A man should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. -Ferris Bueller

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom. -Jack Sparrow
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16-01-2016, 11:32 PM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 11:18 PM)musicharmony87 Wrote:  
(16-01-2016 09:28 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Can I ask ... was there a "yet" anywhere in his statements?

Your profile doesn't give your age but a wild guess ... are you 28 or maybe 29 years old?

That should be old enough to leap from the nest (to use Aliza's analogy) assuming that the groundwork has been done (a job, for example) and the instinct is intact (the innate ability to fly).

Is your father doubting the preparation or the instinct?

There was no yet in his statement. I'm 34 years old. That's the age to fly on my own. I think he's doubting my ability to live my dream. I don't like dream crushers but I am going to prove him wrong. My good friend wants a room mate because rent is so expensive. I don't know how but I want to move in with her in the future. I want to be removed from my dad financially. I want to be able to support myself in all areas. I guess life is expensive.

You will never be removed from your father financially.

... On wait! that's my issue.

Good luck in your own endeavors!
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