I need someone to listen
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17-01-2016, 12:41 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
Are you thinking of going to college and getting a degree? Or a trade school? You can definitely get a job without an education and work your way up, but getting specialized training in a particular area whether it's a college degree, a technical degree, military etc. can certainly help you achieve your ability to be fully financially independent at a faster rate.
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17-01-2016, 12:48 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 09:23 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  You can be crushed by this or be strengthened by it. Your choice.

Make a plan, set goals, do what you need to do to reach those goals so you can be independent and be on your own... then do it. Work towards it every single day. One step at a time. Don't mope around being sorry for yourself. Prove him wrong and make positive, goal orientated decisions. The only person you need to have faith in you is you!

If you want to be treated like a mature self-sufficient adult who can master their own life, then you will have to act and be one. This is not criticism, this is cheerleading.

Get out there and take care of business!

Great advice! I agree, you can do anything you want if you work hard and put your mind to it. You get one life, live it the way you want. There will always be people telling you you can't in life. Focus on your goals and work hard to achieve them. Prove the naysayers wrong.
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17-01-2016, 01:04 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
(16-01-2016 11:18 PM)musicharmony87 Wrote:  There was no yet in his statement. I'm 34 years old. That's the age to fly on my own. I think he's doubting my ability to live my dream. I don't like dream crushers but I am going to prove him wrong. My good friend wants a room mate because rent is so expensive. I don't know how but I want to move in with her in the future. I want to be removed from my dad financially. I want to be able to support myself in all areas. I guess life is expensive.

Have you considered the possibility that it might be reverse psychology?

Which response would you prefer...

Music: I want to learn to fly.

Dad a): Good luck. And don't come limping back to me if your wings get broken.
Dad b): I don't think you are ready yet, stay with me a while longer.
Dad c): You'll never make it; don't bother.

I know a good few people who would only ever do something when they are told that they can't.

Of course, Dad d) might say: Let me give you a gentle nudge by paying for your first month's rent. Keep in touch and let me know if you need anything.

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17-01-2016, 04:36 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
Does your dad attempt to control and influence other areas of your life??

Do you pay rent to him at the moment for living at home?? Maybe he is trying to put you off and talk you down for his own selfish reasons?? Which is wrong of him to do so.

How are you with money in general?? Have you left before and then got into trouble and had to move back or is this you first stepping out into the world??

You can do it, maybe this just shows that you are not going to get support from your dad and his wife (which im going to gather is not your mum) which is unfortunate, however I think you need to let the anger and sadness die down over the next few days. Don't raise the subject with him again or if he tries to raise it, just say you don't want to talk about it. Move away from a place of emotion and think logically, calmy and precisely, get a plan and work out your options. If there are some advice services you can go to (here in the uk we have the citizens advice bureau) look for those and tell them what you want to do. They will be honest with you and can point you in the right directions for other advice.

You said in your response to DLJ. "I guess life is expensive"

It is, but it is only as expensive as we make it.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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17-01-2016, 05:47 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
Unless there's some issue keeping you from having a full-time job, I don't see why you can't move in with your friend while paying rent and your other bills.

If your dream involves doing something that you don't yet get paid for, I'm sure you can work on it on the side while you are making your living.

From what you've written about the relationship between you and your dad, some distance could be a good thing. You can use your feelings of being upset at his comments to generate some energy to move out. Good luck!
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17-01-2016, 06:36 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
What reason has he to doubt you? Just saying you won't succeed - is that enough to make you not succeed? Don't let that thinking affect you. Parents... naturally want to protect us and keep us safe. Unfortunately some parents end up smothering their kids. I've got a friend who's mother basically dictates his every move - once he had a girlfriend - he's super fit and a good looking guy - but his Mama didn't approve - and in a few days... no more girlfriend. Don't be that guy. Oddly enough he seems very happy, but I don't think I could live like that.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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17-01-2016, 08:49 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
Without wanting to appear hypercritical of you or your situation, I wonder could I ask a couple of questions?

Why, at age 34 are you still living under your father's roof? And why are you so deeply affected by his derogatory opinions of your capabilities? Is it that you feel somehow obligated by the former that causes you so much grief with the latter?

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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17-01-2016, 08:58 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
Buck up kid. When I was 34 i had 2 kids in school and a wife who didn't work because she chose not to do so. If you have not found a type of work to support yourself try truck driving. There are schools out there that if you can pass the physical you can liev in at the school and pay for the school later. Give it a rty but you have to be physically fit.
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18-01-2016, 10:36 AM (This post was last modified: 18-01-2016 10:48 AM by musicharmony87.)
I need someone to listen
I had once moved out to live with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him and moved back in with my parents. I believe my father is controlling me financially. I never saw it before until now.

I would love for my dad to actually support me in my dreams. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? Support their children no matter how ridiculous their dream may be? I would love for my dad to support my dream but he doesn't. He made that quite clear on Saturday.

It affects me because he's my father. He should be supporting my dreams.

I will move out one day and prove him wrong. I wonder if he is smothering me.

I have a part time job but when full time becomes available I'm going to take it. My dad doesn't even think I can handle full time. When in fact I have had full time jobs before at a factory. I worked 5 days a week sometimes 7. Yes I complain that it gets tiring but who doesn't complain about their long hours? Sometimes I think my dad thinks I can't do anything. How am I supposed to live on just part time? I would love full time at my current job.

I have said in life before that I can't afford to move out and live on my own. But ever since I found out about subsidized housing that's where this dream came into play. I want to be free of my dad financially.

I hope I answered everyone's questions. I just thought that parents are supposed to support you in your dreams. Maybe I think too highly of my dad and that's why this issue affected me.

Some questions I forgot. I'm not going to college and I don't really want a truck driving job.

Thank you all for the positive feed back. You are all a nice bunch Smile
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18-01-2016, 10:51 AM
RE: I need someone to listen
(18-01-2016 10:36 AM)musicharmony87 Wrote:  I would love for my dad to actually support me in my dreams. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? Support their children no matter how ridiculous their dream may be? I would love for my dad to support my dream but he doesn't. He made that quite clear on Saturday.

It affects me because he's my father. He should be supporting my dreams.

Your father doesn't have to support your dreams. The only one that needs to do that is you. Support from everyone else is just icing on the cake.

Perhaps you can get a life coach to help you get organized and motivated to achieve your goals. Once your father sees things in motion, he may come around to supporting you in the way that you desire.

Ultimately, though, you're the one who needs to make this happen, and emotional support from other people is irrelevant. Wallowing in the lack of this support will only deter you from success.

I wish you the best of luck.
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