I never wanted to be an athiest...
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18-03-2015, 03:16 PM
I never wanted to be an athiest...
Hello all...I guess its my turn to admit defeat.

I have tried so hard to not be an atheist. I grew up a pastors boy in a very religious family.

My father taught me very early that the search for truth and subsequently finding the truth and sharing with others was the noblest of pursuits.

For the longest time of around 25 years around the sun, I never had to worry about that much as the truth was already found in Christ.

But eventually, man's fallibility and more importantly to me personally the hypocrisy of my family began the slow erosion of my faith.

In the end my faith really was just based on others. I'm sure the no true Scotsman fallacy could be used here to show i wasn't a real christian, but I submit to you that some of us (if not most) believe in the supernatural through our belief in the people we know and their testimonies.

The search for truth began when i realized that the bible was not inerrant and christianity as I was taught deeply flawed.

Make a long story short, I have found others in my reading who are open minded and let the evidence lead the way.

Those people are scientists...

So here I am in my early thirties...admist unbelievable change in personal relationships and loss of family and I am stuck clinging to what I know to be true.

That this universe was likely not made for us and our purpose in it is likely made by us.

Being an atheist is everything my parents would have hated, but I am thankful for my parents teaching me to honor and seek after truth as the lack of truth and the seeking of it has led me here.

I have prayed and fasted and tried so hard to believe but the spell is broken.

I believe no more...I have eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and have been exiled from Eden never to return.

I wish I could have the happiness and strength of Sagan, Dawkins, and Hitchens but I feel so weak and fearful. I am so very human.

I hope to one day have some of their courage. I have it in glimpses but It leaves as quickly as it goes.

So here is another human pulled from the matrix into the real world. I hope in time comes healing and acceptance. I still feel as though I am grieving but feel upset that i grieve over something so rediculous.

Thank you for reading.
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18-03-2015, 03:48 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
(18-03-2015 03:16 PM)Jorsen Wrote:  Hello all...I guess its my turn to admit defeat.

I have tried so hard to not be an atheist. I grew up a pastors boy in a very religious family.

My father taught me very early that the search for truth and subsequently finding the truth and sharing with others was the noblest of pursuits.

For the longest time of around 25 years around the sun, I never had to worry about that much as the truth was already found in Christ.

But eventually, man's fallibility and more importantly to me personally the hypocrisy of my family began the slow erosion of my faith.

In the end my faith really was just based on others. I'm sure the no true Scotsman fallacy could be used here to show i wasn't a real christian, but I submit to you that some of us (if not most) believe in the supernatural through our belief in the people we know and their testimonies.

The search for truth began when i realized that the bible was not inerrant and christianity as I was taught deeply flawed.

Make a long story short, I have found others in my reading who are open minded and let the evidence lead the way.

Those people are scientists...

So here I am in my early thirties...admist unbelievable change in personal relationships and loss of family and I am stuck clinging to what I know to be true.

That this universe was likely not made for us and our purpose in it is likely made by us.

Being an atheist is everything my parents would have hated, but I am thankful for my parents teaching me to honor and seek after truth as the lack of truth and the seeking of it has led me here.

I have prayed and fasted and tried so hard to believe but the spell is broken.

I believe no more...I have eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and have been exiled from Eden never to return.

I wish I could have the happiness and strength of Sagan, Dawkins, and Hitchens but I feel so weak and fearful. I am so very human.

I hope to one day have some of their courage. I have it in glimpses but It leaves as quickly as it goes.

So here is another human pulled from the matrix into the real world. I hope in time comes healing and acceptance. I still feel as though I am grieving but feel upset that i grieve over something so rediculous.

Thank you for reading.

Welcome.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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18-03-2015, 03:55 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
defeated? tried not to be?
...what ever do you mean?

You cannot choose to believe or not believe in something. There is no game, so there are no winner nor losers and thus you cannot be defeated in anything.

You simply were presented with evidence or realized a lack of evidence and your mind changed on its own! Nothing to be ashamed of!

Welcome!


My Youtube channel if anyone is interested.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEkRdbq...rLEz-0jEHQ
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18-03-2015, 04:08 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Doesn't much sound like you wanted the truth at all. Lucky for you that you found it anyway.

No need to to sound lIke a troll about it.

Welcome anyway.
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18-03-2015, 04:29 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
I didn't want to be an atheist either.

Really, Madalyn Murray O'Hair scared the shit out of me as a kid. Probably pushed back my atheism years, if not decades.

It took forever for me to admit it outloud that it just wasn't true.

5 stages of grief and all that. Smile


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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18-03-2015, 04:40 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Sounds like you've had a bit of a rough journey... but, glad you could make it here, Jorsen.
The "de-conversion" experience can be a bit disheartening for some. Your experience will be as unique as you are. Now that you've realized your freedom, it might become more of a relief ... and a little less sad for you.

Welcome to the forum. Smile

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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18-03-2015, 04:49 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
It is a defeat for faith.

It is a victory in logic and reasoning.
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18-03-2015, 04:58 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Good intro - welcome to TTA.
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18-03-2015, 05:02 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Welcome! Hopefully we can show that that all is not lost.

Deconversion takes a fair amount of time for some. I know that I looked for something when I left the church because I thought that I have to believe in some sort of religion. Eventually, I realized that I don't...and neither do you.

Hang around...good group of people here.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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18-03-2015, 05:07 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Welcome aboard, stick around.
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