I never wanted to be an athiest...
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18-03-2015, 06:05 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Welcome to the world of reason, Jorsen. I'm brand-new here on this board, but a life-long atheist. Religion never made any sense to me. I do understand the feelings you've articulated, however. I would love to be able to believe in a fairy-tale world of a dreamland of pure happiness after I die. But it just makes no sense. So we make the most of what we have and find wonder in the real world. Take heart, and best of luck.
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18-03-2015, 06:14 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
I didn't want to be an atheist, either. Deconversion was a jagged pill for me to swallow. Yet here I am. The world didn't stop turning, planes didn't fall from the sky, but for me personally, it was like the everything I thought I knew was a lie and I felt so lost and so very alone. It gets better. I'm glad to be free from it. Once you start to see the psychological mind fuck religion does to a person, you see where it fucked with you, you can identify the problems and move on with your life. I've found atheism to be quite freeing, actually. No more irrational guilt feelings.

Anyway, welcome. Hope to see you around. We're social creatures - this is a great place to hang out especially if you don't have anyone you can talk to about it.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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18-03-2015, 06:28 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Welcome. I don't think anyone sets out to become an atheist, I sure as heck didn't. After years of searching, reflecting, and reasoning, it is the most likely answer with the evidence in hand. Hang on, knowledge is power and your engine became much, much larger.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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18-03-2015, 06:42 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Your story is almost identical to mine. Preacher's kid, early thirties, finally let go of my faith as the evidence overwhelmingly led me to the conclusion that all of man's concepts of gods are obviously human constructs. I wasn't looking for this either, but I'm glad I figured it out.

Welcome to TTA, liquor in the front, poker in the rear. Pull up a chair and stay awhile. Thumbsup

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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19-03-2015, 10:18 AM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Welcome.

For me the transition was less painful than others, but there's always something about it. So don't worry about it. Believing and then deconverting is a major issue, it shouldn't be underestimated. After all, it's about the one of the most important questions we could ask ourselves.

I hope you'll find many answers and "non-answers" to your doubts on this site. Stick around and enjoy the stay.

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
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19-03-2015, 11:07 AM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
Oh boo hoo cry me a river.

Smile

Seriously, welcome aboard. It's not as bad as believers make it out to be. Quite the opposite. You'll do fine.

Religion is proof that invisible men can obscure your vision.
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19-03-2015, 12:03 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
(18-03-2015 03:16 PM)Jorsen Wrote:  Hello all...I guess its my turn to admit defeat.

I have tried so hard to not be an atheist. I grew up a pastors boy in a very religious family.

My father taught me very early that the search for truth and subsequently finding the truth and sharing with others was the noblest of pursuits.

For the longest time of around 25 years around the sun, I never had to worry about that much as the truth was already found in Christ.

But eventually, man's fallibility and more importantly to me personally the hypocrisy of my family began the slow erosion of my faith.

In the end my faith really was just based on others. I'm sure the no true Scotsman fallacy could be used here to show i wasn't a real christian, but I submit to you that some of us (if not most) believe in the supernatural through our belief in the people we know and their testimonies.

The search for truth began when i realized that the bible was not inerrant and christianity as I was taught deeply flawed.

Make a long story short, I have found others in my reading who are open minded and let the evidence lead the way.

Those people are scientists...

So here I am in my early thirties...admist unbelievable change in personal relationships and loss of family and I am stuck clinging to what I know to be true.

That this universe was likely not made for us and our purpose in it is likely made by us.

Being an atheist is everything my parents would have hated, but I am thankful for my parents teaching me to honor and seek after truth as the lack of truth and the seeking of it has led me here.

I have prayed and fasted and tried so hard to believe but the spell is broken.

I believe no more...I have eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and have been exiled from Eden never to return.

I wish I could have the happiness and strength of Sagan, Dawkins, and Hitchens but I feel so weak and fearful. I am so very human.

I hope to one day have some of their courage. I have it in glimpses but It leaves as quickly as it goes.

So here is another human pulled from the matrix into the real world. I hope in time comes healing and acceptance. I still feel as though I am grieving but feel upset that i grieve over something so rediculous.

Thank you for reading.

Hey there Jorsen. Yeah I get that. Having to admit the culture you're comfortable with, and that had such great value for people you love and respect still (even though you don't buy into the BS) is a big loss. You do grieve that loss. I used to wish, (I guess) I could still buy it all. I did get over that however. Everything you valued about it all, (art, peak experiences, music, community ... whatever it was) are STILL available to you in other venues and forms, ... this time without the risk of loss. Eventually I realized I lost nothing, but gained good perspective. I can now comfortably go to church (once in a great while), translate all the BS into my own terms in my head, and not even blink.

Hope you stick around.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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19-03-2015, 12:21 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
(18-03-2015 03:16 PM)Jorsen Wrote:  I have prayed and fasted and tried so hard to believe but the spell is broken.

I believe no more...I have eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and have been exiled from Eden never to return.

I wish I could have the happiness and strength of Sagan, Dawkins, and Hitchens but I feel so weak and fearful. I am so very human.

I hope to one day have some of their courage. I have it in glimpses but It leaves as quickly as it goes.

So here is another human pulled from the matrix into the real world. I hope in time comes healing and acceptance. I still feel as though I am grieving but feel upset that i grieve over something so rediculous.

Thank you for reading.

What you are feeling is totally natural. You've been completely disillusioned and everything you once valued seems empty and shallow. But, you are not lost.
The real world is the human world. The most insidious lie in religion is where they take credit for all that is wonderful about humanity. It is humans in every culture, from every religion, and every continent that are responsible for love, compassion, friendship, charity and community. It may not feel like it, but, you are now free to pursue the best qualities of human existence without the false guilt for a crime you did not commit and could not have prevented. AND...
you have found us!Yes The people here are great and very supportive. You have a whole new family now. Hug We will help you find your way.
Welcome to the forum.

You can lead a theist to reason, but, you cannot make him think.
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29-03-2015, 07:53 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
I've never really understood the 'you weren't a real christian' argument or the implication that I didn't try hard enough. How can you be a real anything if there is no god? They're the one's who aren't being real. I can definitely understand OP. I was brought up in a religious home and attended parochial school up until high school. It took me over 30 years to finally get out. I had mentally checked out a long time ago, but I wasn't actively atheist. There are others of us out there. You're not alone.
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29-03-2015, 07:54 PM
RE: I never wanted to be an athiest...
I never wanted to live in reality.

I would rather ride a unichorn on a chocolate street into the vanila sunst.

But guess why I dont.

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