I think I might Have BPD
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02-07-2014, 11:13 AM (This post was last modified: 02-07-2014 11:30 AM by anonymous66.)
I think I might Have BPD
So, here's a little about me. I own my own business (about 5 years), I've been married for 14 years, we have a 5 year old son... My wife also works full-time, we're not well off, by any means, but we've got money set aside for retirement. Our house is out in the country, with 4 acres. To outsiders, we probably look like we're doing okay.

But, I grew up in an abusive home. My mother is mentally ill, my dad was an alcoholic. One of my earliest memories is of my mother telling me to go out and see if I could hitch-hike away from her. I was about 5. I don't have any good memories of her. I have memories of my parents fighting, of my dad hitting my mom, of my parents yelling at each other and calling each other names. Then, when I was about 10, I was sexually abused by a stranger. My parents let me stay the night with him, even though they barely knew the man, and I woke up in the middle of the night while he was fondling me. I suppose I was lucky in that it only happened once, and I never saw him again.

I have serious trust issues. I don't have any real friends, besides my wife, and sometimes I don't even think she is totally on my side. I cause trouble whenever I join any social group. I lived as a Christian for about 40 years, and caused trouble in sunday school classes, by loudly stating my opinion and arguing with whoever was talking. I saw a few counselors, starting in my 20's... but, I didn't like what they were telling me, because it sounded like they were telling me "well, you have to understand you're messed up. You think you know things, but you really don't. I'm a counselor, I know what I'm saying is true, even though you don't believe me... so, you need to stop trusting yourself and just trust me instead". And that sounds to me like bullshit. I tried to stay and argue with a few of them, but they didn't seem to get it.

Here are the diagnosing criteria..
Quote:A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

I've been reading up on borderline personality disorder, and it appears that dialectical behavior therapy, and helping sufferers to become mindful has some real positive effects.

My major problems these days are that certain experiences just feel unbearable, I ruminate on my problems, and I have some impulse control issues, especially when I'm in a group of people.

Anyone else been through anything similar?
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02-07-2014, 04:11 PM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
You know yourself better than anyone else, and can to some degree, research and possibly gain some knowledge of what's going on, but in order to get a full diagnosis, you really need to have a complete work-up, from top to bottom. I know it can be hard to trust what the docs say, but to get the proper treatment, you need a name for whatever is troubling you.

Given your history, I suspect you "might" have some PTSD issues as well. Many who come from abuse, have NO idea how that baggage effects them for years. I'm sharing a link to a huge support group forum that I belong to. This will take you directly to the BPD group specifically, but you can also do a little more research on your particular symptoms.

I found that reading others stories really - really helped me come to terms with my issues, and most there show amazing support.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Personali...port-group

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. ~Mark Twain
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02-07-2014, 08:31 PM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
(02-07-2014 04:11 PM)CindysRain Wrote:  You know yourself better than anyone else, and can to some degree, research and possibly gain some knowledge of what's going on, but in order to get a full diagnosis, you really need to have a complete work-up, from top to bottom. I know it can be hard to trust what the docs say, but to get the proper treatment, you need a name for whatever is troubling you.

Given your history, I suspect you "might" have some PTSD issues as well. Many who come from abuse, have NO idea how that baggage effects them for years. I'm sharing a link to a huge support group forum that I belong to. This will take you directly to the BPD group specifically, but you can also do a little more research on your particular symptoms.

I found that reading others stories really - really helped me come to terms with my issues, and most there show amazing support.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Personali...port-group
The research I've done suggests there is a correlation/overlap between PTSD and BPD.

Thanks. I'll check out that support group.
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02-07-2014, 08:37 PM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
I'd hit up a doctor first.
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03-07-2014, 02:19 AM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
(02-07-2014 08:37 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  I'd hit up a doctor first.

The thing is.. I'm coping rather well, all things considered. I don't know if I want the stigma of being diagnosed with a personality disorder (at least it's not a mental illness, lol).
I would like to get some help with some of the worst symptoms. Namely, poor impulse control in groups and ruminating on problems.
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03-07-2014, 02:53 AM (This post was last modified: 03-07-2014 02:58 AM by sporehux.)
RE: I think I might Have BPD
(02-07-2014 11:13 AM)anonymous66 Wrote:  Anyone else been through anything similar?

To be honest I had to check my internet history and see if I didn't create a new account and post the OP myself.

Sometimes acronyms make you the person you are warts and all, everyone's broken in some way. A superficial/chemical fix may be worse then accepting what you observe about yourself while looking for ways to reduce the negative aspects and increase the positive, just little things that add up.
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Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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03-07-2014, 06:35 AM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
(03-07-2014 02:53 AM)sporehux Wrote:  
(02-07-2014 11:13 AM)anonymous66 Wrote:  Anyone else been through anything similar?

To be honest I had to check my internet history and see if I didn't create a new account and post the OP myself.

LOL. I think I'm going to like you. Thanks for that.
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03-07-2014, 07:59 AM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
My first thought was PTSD too.

When you do decide to see a doc, see a psychiatrist. They are medical doctors- not therapists, although they are trained in that as well. Get a proper diagnosis first, then seek out treatment. Therapists can teach you coping strategies and ways to frame certain situations in your mind (glass half empty or half full?). These techniques can help you make different choices and in the end you end up in a better position that makes your life happier and more bearable.

Insanity= doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. If you want a better life, you need to change .......your behavior, your frame of mind, your reactions, your attitude, and your coping mechanisms. It's not easy, and can feel very uncomfortable, but is worth it in the end, and becomes a part of you eventually.

Know what is in control to change, and what isn't.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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03-07-2014, 08:08 AM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
(03-07-2014 07:59 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  My first thought was PTSD too.

When you do decide to see a doc, see a psychiatrist. They are medical doctors- not therapists, although they are trained in that as well. Get a proper diagnosis first, then seek out treatment. Therapists can teach you coping strategies and ways to frame certain situations in your mind (glass half empty or half full?). These techniques can help you make different choices and in the end you end up in a better position that makes your life happier and more bearable.

Insanity= doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. If you want a better life, you need to change .......your behavior, your frame of mind, your reactions, your attitude, and your coping mechanisms. It's not easy, and can feel very uncomfortable, but is worth it in the end, and becomes a part of you eventually.

Know what is in control to change, and what isn't.

Would a psychiatrist provide therapy or prescribe drugs?
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03-07-2014, 08:16 AM
RE: I think I might Have BPD
(03-07-2014 08:08 AM)anonymous66 Wrote:  
(03-07-2014 07:59 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  My first thought was PTSD too.

When you do decide to see a doc, see a psychiatrist. They are medical doctors- not therapists, although they are trained in that as well. Get a proper diagnosis first, then seek out treatment. Therapists can teach you coping strategies and ways to frame certain situations in your mind (glass half empty or half full?). These techniques can help you make different choices and in the end you end up in a better position that makes your life happier and more bearable.

Insanity= doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. If you want a better life, you need to change .......your behavior, your frame of mind, your reactions, your attitude, and your coping mechanisms. It's not easy, and can feel very uncomfortable, but is worth it in the end, and becomes a part of you eventually.

Know what is in control to change, and what isn't.

Would a psychiatrist provide therapy or prescribe drugs?

Both. Although some have a group of therapists they work with. One of my best friends is a psychiatrist in another state, and I have seen one here. I enjoyed those visits because it was more about what you are experiencing right now. ( trouble sleeping, zero to sixty in seconds in anger, want to scream, cry all day, etc) those kinds of questions and not....how did that make you feel when they said that.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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