I think I might be depressed
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30-09-2015, 03:46 PM
I think I might be depressed
So about 16 years ago a teacher at my jr high school had me sent to a school therapist when she noticed "dark imagery" in my writing assignments. The therapist said I was suffering from some kind of depression but this was shrugged off at the time as being a result of our moving from NYC where I had grown up to Memphis. I have since learned that my mom's side of the family has a history with severe depression.

I have always (and I do mean always) had mildly suicidal thoughts. This got worse as I reached my older teens and early twenties. When I started taking oral contraceptives it subsided slightly. However it didn't go away completely.

I've noticed that I have been sleeping excessively. I have no appetite most of the time, and when I do I binge. I have little or no interest in most things. I feel sad for no reason. Like bone crushing sadness. Like skipping class so I can sit in my car because I don't want to go sit in the damn room for an hour and a half.

Most tellingly I've begun considering suicide again. Coldly and calculatingly assessing it. I am aware that this is not healthy or rational. I am doing well in professional school in a field that I am good at. I have a loving partner. I have post graduate options open to me. So why do I not care about any of that?

I've applied for a new job that would have health insurance. I don't have any now and can't afford a counselor on a student researchers pay. It's an interesting phenomenon watching it in myself.

Thank you for the rant space.
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30-09-2015, 03:51 PM
RE: I think I might be depressed
I'm sorry you are going through that. The Samaritans have a help line you can call. Depending on where you live, some places have free health and counseling services. Definitely reach out and get help, you don't need to be feeling this way. You do have a lot going for you and you deserve to be enjoying it. Don't let depression win.
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30-09-2015, 03:59 PM
RE: I think I might be depressed
It sounds like depression to me, for sure. You really need to be on an anti-depressant. Your lack of motivation is not your fault. It's not something you can just fight through. Just like diabetes, you can't will your blood-sugar back to normal levels. You simply require medication.

I didn't vet this site, but there looks like there's a link within that article to a 501C3 organization called Needymeds. Maybe that's a possible resource for you? If not that one, then there must be something else out there to get you the meds you need.

Whatever the outcome from above, you really should pursue professional help with this problem no matter the cost.

Best of luck Hug
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30-09-2015, 04:01 PM
RE: I think I might be depressed
Sorry you are feeling like this. Do you have access to any counseling through your school?

It does sound like you are depressed and could benefit from professional advice, and it might be something that would be worth trying to afford even without insurance. If you talk to a counselor and explain that you'll be paying cash for your visits, you can often get a relatively reasonable rate. My son's psychiatrist doesn't take our insurance, and we pay him out of pocket, $125/visit. It's less than the doctor would be billing the insurance company, but more than he'd get from the insurance company, if that makes sense.

Hug
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30-09-2015, 04:12 PM (This post was last modified: 30-09-2015 04:16 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: I think I might be depressed
(30-09-2015 03:46 PM)natachan Wrote:  I've applied for a new job that would have health insurance. I don't have any now and can't afford a counselor on a student researchers pay. It's an interesting phenomenon watching it in myself.

Your school doesn't offer you health insurance? That's just insane. Mental health is one of the main student health issues. You should check out Obamacare or your State's exchange. Depending on your income you might get it for practically free. And yes, those are some of the same symptoms I have when my Black Dog goes rabid.

(30-09-2015 03:46 PM)natachan Wrote:  Most tellingly I've begun considering suicide again. Coldly and calculatingly assessing it. I am aware that this is not healthy or rational.

For me personally, this is both healthy and rational. It is the only way to consider suicide in my opinion and has saved my sorry ass more than once.

#sigh
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30-09-2015, 04:21 PM
RE: I think I might be depressed
Nothing to add...but depression is just awful. Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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01-10-2015, 11:41 PM
I think I might be depressed
So been there. Don't leave that untended. Seek a psychiatrist.

I recall when I was much younger that when medication was first suggested to me I was resistant to the idea. There was something about the way my problem felt that the suggestion that's it's cause was physiological rather than emotional or situational didn't immediately seem reasonable.

Meds had some side effects but I learned to adjust and it did make a difference. It was very hard for me to gauge what effect they were having on me. Without loved ones to turn to for feedback I might have stopped taking them. Glad I didn't.

I don't know what's typical, but for me it got better later in life. I've been off meds now for about 10 years. A couple years back some added stress from work seemed to trigger a couple dark patches but nothing as bleak as when I was in my twenties.

These last couple years have been much brighter. I hope things get easier for you too.

But yes, consider meds.

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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02-10-2015, 02:13 AM
RE: I think I might be depressed
(30-09-2015 03:46 PM)natachan Wrote:  So about 16 years ago a teacher at my jr high school had me sent to a school therapist when she noticed "dark imagery" in my writing assignments. The therapist said I was suffering from some kind of depression but this was shrugged off at the time as being a result of our moving from NYC where I had grown up to Memphis. I have since learned that my mom's side of the family has a history with severe depression.

I have always (and I do mean always) had mildly suicidal thoughts. This got worse as I reached my older teens and early twenties. When I started taking oral contraceptives it subsided slightly. However it didn't go away completely.

I've noticed that I have been sleeping excessively. I have no appetite most of the time, and when I do I binge. I have little or no interest in most things. I feel sad for no reason. Like bone crushing sadness. Like skipping class so I can sit in my car because I don't want to go sit in the damn room for an hour and a half.

Most tellingly I've begun considering suicide again. Coldly and calculatingly assessing it. I am aware that this is not healthy or rational. I am doing well in professional school in a field that I am good at. I have a loving partner. I have post graduate options open to me. So why do I not care about any of that?

I've applied for a new job that would have health insurance. I don't have any now and can't afford a counselor on a student researchers pay. It's an interesting phenomenon watching it in myself.

Thank you for the rant space.

Natachan, you are important to the world. The world would be poorer without you in it.

No matter how things may seem now, the wonders of the future await. As I said to Pablo earlier, I too have stood atop a bridge ready to drop and not caring if I did or did not. Happily I did not and so many wonderful things followed. I got to become a very good musician, met loads of interesting people, found myself in outlandish positions I never dreamed possible.

Also as a person who is currently fighting tooth and nail to hang on to life, I know it is too precious to let go..

We need and want you to stay. Make a contribution.

I'll make you a deal. I will hang on if you do. You're a very intelligent and beautiful young woman with a great deal to offer. You are too wondrous to waste. Okay?

With love and care. Dale.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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02-10-2015, 04:08 AM
RE: I think I might be depressed
Natachan,

Sorry you find yourself in the dark abode that is depression. My partner suffers with bouts of depression. He spent a year in therapy (before I knew him) and also on medication. Both helped him a lot. The meds bridged the gap while the therapy gave him coping mechanisms, the main one being exercise. He works out a lot and it helps his brain chemistry ward of the depression.

I hope you to can find the thing that allows you to cope with the darkness which, those of us who do not suffer from, cannot comprehend.

Hug

"The person who is certain, and who claims divine warrant for his certainty, belongs now to the infancy of our species." - Christopher Hitchens

"Remember kids, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing. Have a great day!" - Ricky Gervais
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02-10-2015, 06:30 AM
RE: I think I might be depressed
Does the school have a student services office. Often they have free counseling sessions available with a licensed therapist.

In Ohio if you don't have insurance they will assign insurance to you.
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