I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
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09-02-2014, 08:13 AM
I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
I've been feeling conflicted a lot in the past year and a bit with something I did with only ever good intentions.

Two years ago, I had an online friendship with a girl in another state. She was a person who I identified with well and who understood a lot of things the way I did and who also shared many of my same interests (with some minor reservations). But she was a Christian. At least that was what she insisted she was.

The more I got to know her in the course of six months, I came to feel she was not actually a real Christian. She was in fact bordering on agnostisism and was in fact only a Christian due to parroting and mimicing her parents beliefs. Her parents and all her immediate family are actually Christian extremists. That is, they used to intentionally deprive her of reading Harry Potter, and still nag her about reading fantasy novels instead of the Bible.

I understood then, and more so now, that she was a Christian because her family was putting too much pressure onto her to not become otherwise, and at the same time they were also putting just as much pressure onto her to become an extremely devout Christian just as they were. So inevitably, she became just stuck somewhere in the middle.

And I got the sense she only believed because of the comforting things of religion and to not double-cross her parents, but she was much as capable of understanding through observation all that was wrong with Christianity in general and agreed with me on so many levels about my views.

So I decided if she was only just exposed to the truth as I was before I became an atheist, that she would become one herself and feel the awesome freedom I feel because of my atheism, and especially the awesome understanding I feel of being an excellent person just the way I am, and especilally because I do not need religion to feel that way, because religion only ever reeked havoc on my self-esteem.

So, I was so firm in my decison to expose her to the truth that I decided to ship her three books, a DVD, and a CD about atheism that conveyed the truth in what I felt were the right ways for her to learn it, at least a surefire way for her to. And so I shipped the box to her, and then told her I had done so afterward and that she must ensure her parents and siblings do not ever find it.

However, she became upset at once. She complained about how she fretted her parents would react to this, and that she had no real way of keeping them from seeing it. Then she sent the box back to me unopened. When I admitted my intent was to expose her to the truth about athesim so she would be one herself, she replied she was a devout Christian and would not be swayed in her faith.

Then she has not spoken to me again since, and I cannot seem to do anything to get her to speak to me again. The problem is I have in fact made up my mind that I do not even want to have a relationship with her again unless she really becomes an athiest.

To make myself more clear. I have a fan club for a franchise I am starting, and I have decided based on what all of it is about that only atheists and agnostics and non-theists may be allowed to join it. No exceptions. Not just because my club and franchise is about promoting education and critical thinking and understanding the real world in a positive light overall. But also due to a previous experience with a "devout Christian" who made a solemn promise to never hurt me, said she loved me like a sister, and would be heartbroken if I left her. Her actions later said the opposite she deliberately attempted to steal something precious from me that if she got away with it would have ruined my career and my life before they got started, then I could have gone insane enough to kill myself. And to this day I feel all she ever said to me was a lie, and I felt always like a complete idiot to have trusted her especially because I was aware she was a Christian. I'll tell more about her later on.

Anyway, this other friend was at heart not at all like the old one who turned out to be an enemy. She had more in common with me and my real friends. Still, once in a while she said or reported of something that would remind me a bit of the old one. I realized at least that if she gave into her parents wishes she would really turn away from me and my friendship because of how anti-theist I am. And so I decided trying to de-convert was worth the risk.

But now I realize I did the right thing in the wrong way. But once again, I am having a lot of difficulty getting through to her at all anymore. And, I just will nto accept her into my fan club unless she really does give up on religion altogether. I decided it is for the best I just not trust Christians, even if my lack of trust hurts them. It is better I hurt them first than wait until they hurt me. My decison of a non-Christian environment for my fan-club is final!

I cannot help thinking about how I could have done what I felt needed to be done differently. I mean, if atheism is in fact forbidden in her house by her parents as she said, why do they even have a computer at all? I feel like the only way to get her back may be to first trick her into thinking I am sorry and will accept her religion, and then fool around with getting her out of religion more subtly with things I personally do that convey the truth more simply and subtly.

I'm not even sure I care whether or not I've lost her forever. I have plenty of other friends. And, I just cannot trust any Christians. But I recall feeling her friendship was of great value to me during the six months, and that was I even did what I did.

I am me, and only me. Love me as I am, or hate me as I am. If you hate me as I am, I still love me as I am. But I will then have to hate you as you are. But if you like me as the one I am, I can easily like you as you are. I am an awesome individual and should be known of, and understood only by just such.
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09-02-2014, 08:40 AM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
(09-02-2014 08:13 AM)WogglebugLover Wrote:  I feel like the only way to get her back may be to first trick her into thinking I am sorry and will accept her religion, and then fool around with getting her out of religion more subtly with things I personally do that convey the truth more simply and subtly.

You'll convey the truth by lying to her...

Be sure to let us know how that works out. Dodgy

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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09-02-2014, 08:59 AM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
Personally I read that and just think you sound selfish. If she is at home with her parents you need to respect that, and the fact that you just ignore this because of what YOU want....it's kind of disgusting.

"I'll only be her friend if shes an Atheist" If you're the only example she has....good luck with that.
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09-02-2014, 11:51 AM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
I understand what you're saying for the most part. But actually, she is 25 years old now. And I was younger than her when I became an atheist and I was still living with my parents. I just didn't realize HOW different our living situations were at the time! Plus, she also happens to have Aspergers Syndrome, and also a couple physical ailments which believing in a God is not going to cure, and the more she understands this the better off she is.

Also, I just want to protect myself and fan club at the heart of it, just as much as I care about her. She was frequently depressed and lacking self-respect due partially to how her parents and younger sister nag and pressure her about her lack of understanding of their religion, and also about other Christians mistreat and tease and taunt her mercilessly. She says other Christians tend to look at her when she tells about her interests as if they think she drinks pig blood. That is one of the reasons why I found her a kindred spirit and why I think she reminds me of who I was before I realized I needed to become an atheist to have the self-respect I deserved and that would help me strive to succeed and be a better person in the end.

I am me, and only me. Love me as I am, or hate me as I am. If you hate me as I am, I still love me as I am. But I will then have to hate you as you are. But if you like me as the one I am, I can easily like you as you are. I am an awesome individual and should be known of, and understood only by just such.
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09-02-2014, 11:56 AM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
Religion or lack of should never come between friends, it should be like following different football teams.
Agree to disagree and get on with the good things in life.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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09-02-2014, 12:05 PM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
(09-02-2014 08:13 AM)WogglebugLover Wrote:  However, she became upset at once. She complained about how she fretted her parents would react to this, and that she had no real way of keeping them from seeing it. Then she sent the box back to me unopened.
Your actions made this girl upset and fearful. She needed to take action to protect herself from you and your actions.
Seems to me that your are working against her rather than being a supporting and loving friend.


(09-02-2014 08:13 AM)WogglebugLover Wrote:  Then she has not spoken to me again since, and I cannot seem to do anything to get her to speak to me again.
Fair enough, with friends like you, who needs enemies.

(09-02-2014 08:13 AM)WogglebugLover Wrote:  The problem is I have in fact made up my mind that I do not even want to have a relationship with her again unless she really becomes an athiest.
Oh, conditional love, I can see how that must appeal to the poor girl.

I think she made the best decision by ditching you. She needs to find someone that loves her for who she is rather than someone that wants her to be their pet "conversion" project. That would be annoying and most likely traumatic and disastrous for her family life.
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09-02-2014, 01:09 PM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
Dude as soon as I hear that a girl I'm interested in is religious... "Yeah... That's not going to work for me."

"Lol, you're joking, right?"

"No. I mean, I have no problem with you being religious. I just can't invest any time and interest into someone who is either stupid, or too brainwashed to differentiate between reality and fairy tales."

Of course, depending on a few factors I might mention a few logical flaws or reasons to call the bible what it is. Similar reaction to girls who are firm believers in astrology.
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09-02-2014, 01:39 PM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
OP

This........

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRNJ1ifOrqy7y7xqZ6XBRF...MxzSov2KTA]

....revolves for all of us, not just for yourself.

You are attempting to force your worldview on another person, who by the sounds of it you have never even met in real life, for reasons you justify as good.

You are in some ways, no different to a person peddling religion.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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09-02-2014, 01:42 PM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
Bemore expressed perfectly what I was thinking.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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09-02-2014, 01:46 PM
RE: I want to reclaim a lost friendship, but only if she becomes an atheist.
To the lame guy responsible for the OP: That chick is better off being a theist than hanging around you.

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
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