I was outed!
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03-05-2016, 05:39 AM
RE: I was outed!
You are who you are. You cannot make someone believe something they don't. My opinion, for what it's worth, don't live a lie. It would only prolong the inevitable and make you and her miserable. If she can't live with and love you regardless of your beliefs then she can't, it's not something she should be ashamed of or punished for.

When you have something that is a big part of your relationship and it changes then so does the relationship. Not necessarily for the better. Be kind and patient with her, you are the one who has changed and you've had time to come to terms with it bit by bit, she has not. If it doesn't work out it just doesn't. Don't beat each other up over it. Especially if you have kids together.

Life is too short to be dishonest with yourself. Hope it works out for you. Smile

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03-05-2016, 07:27 AM
RE: I was outed!
(24-02-2015 02:36 PM)smitthom624 Wrote:  So on Friday, I get an interesting call from my wife while I was at work. First words out of her mouth were "So, you're an atheist now?" I was floored. She caught me off guard and I didn't know what to say. I panicked and told her I dont know. She had found that I had been looking at different atheist books and I told her that I was just looking for answers. My wife is somewhat of a devout Mormon and could not believe that I didn't believe it anymore. She asked why I was looking at atheist books because all that does is increase doubt in my mind. My reply was that I wanted to see how atheists came to their disbelief. But deep down I am a non-believer. My biggest issue is that if I do come clean and tell her that yes I do not believe in God anymore, my marriage will be over. But I can't hide my opinion anymore either. I just don't know if keeping quiet is the right thing to do. But then I get accused of being selfish because all i care about is myself and not the family. I feel like I am backed up against the wall here and don't know what to do. Has anyone else out there had a similar experience?

If being unselfish means to live a lie then I say be selfish. Of course as an Objectivist I would tell you this anyway, though I mean something different by the term selfish than most people. What those people mean when they ask you to be unselfish is to be self destructive. Sacrifice your mind, your honesty, your happiness to please others. If that is what a relationship requires then there ought not be a relationship. In the end I think it will end in bitter resentment. My advice is to be totally honest and upfront. If she cain't handle it then that means she values her religious beliefs more than you. I sincerely hope things work out for you but be honest first and foremost.

Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. - Ayn Rand.

Don't sacrifice for me, live for yourself! - Me

The only alternative to Objectivism is some form of Subjectivism. - Dawson Bethrick
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03-05-2016, 08:00 AM
RE: I was outed!
Be honest. It's the only way to stay sane in the long run. And, it's the only way any relationship will truly succeed - whether it be this one or the next.

I had a similar situation, but I told my wife myself. She seemed ok with it at first, but with kids and other things happening in life our marriage could not weather the storm. We are in the process of getting a divorce now. It's sad, but we will both move on while remaining true to ourselves and eventually find happiness again.

PM if I you need to talk.

I just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now. Heart
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03-05-2016, 08:43 AM
RE: I was outed!
What to do? What to do?
To sit down with your wife and to tell the truth.
May be she was hurt that you were hiding it form her. You didn't trust her that she could understand you.

English is my second language.
I AM DEPLORABLE AND IRREDEEMABLE
SHE PERSISTED WE RESISTED
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03-05-2016, 07:01 PM
RE: I was outed!
(03-05-2016 08:00 AM)TurkeyBurner Wrote:  Be honest. It's the only way to stay sane in the long run. And, it's the only way any relationship will truly succeed - whether it be this one or the next.

I had a similar situation, but I told my wife myself. She seemed ok with it at first, but with kids and other things happening in life our marriage could not weather the storm. We are in the process of getting a divorce now. It's sad, but we will both move on while remaining true to ourselves and eventually find happiness again.

PM if I you need to talk.

Oh noes!!!! Sorry to hear this Sad

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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03-05-2016, 07:03 PM
RE: I was outed!
Sad
Hug
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03-05-2016, 07:10 PM
RE: I was outed!
(03-05-2016 08:00 AM)TurkeyBurner Wrote:  Be honest. It's the only way to stay sane in the long run. And, it's the only way any relationship will truly succeed - whether it be this one or the next.

I had a similar situation, but I told my wife myself. She seemed ok with it at first, but with kids and other things happening in life our marriage could not weather the storm. We are in the process of getting a divorce now. It's sad, but we will both move on while remaining true to ourselves and eventually find happiness again.

PM if I you need to talk.

Hug

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03-05-2016, 07:41 PM
RE: I was outed!
(03-05-2016 08:43 AM)Alla Wrote:  What to do? What to do?
To sit down with your wife and to tell the truth.
May be she was hurt that you were hiding it form her. You didn't trust her that she could understand you.

Don't be an idiot. She already told him she did not WANT to understand him.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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03-05-2016, 07:54 PM
RE: I was outed!
(03-05-2016 08:43 AM)Alla Wrote:  What to do? What to do?
To sit down with your wife and to tell the truth.
May be she was hurt that you were hiding it form her. You didn't trust her that she could understand you.

I would love to tell her and see what happens, but to paraphrase Jack Nicholson. She can't handle the truth.
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03-05-2016, 08:04 PM
RE: I was outed!
(03-05-2016 07:54 PM)smitthom624 Wrote:  
(03-05-2016 08:43 AM)Alla Wrote:  What to do? What to do?
To sit down with your wife and to tell the truth.
May be she was hurt that you were hiding it form her. You didn't trust her that she could understand you.

I would love to tell her and see what happens, but to paraphrase Jack Nicholson. She can't handle the truth.

Then it is her problem she has to deal with. She knows what the right thing to do. She knows that the right thing to do is to let you to make your own choice and to continue to love you and to support you as you can continue to love her and support her. She KNOWS this.
It is hard, very hard. She might think it is not possible for her to do. But she KNOWS that this would be what Christ wanted her to do.
BTW, I am Mormon for 13 years this month

English is my second language.
I AM DEPLORABLE AND IRREDEEMABLE
SHE PERSISTED WE RESISTED
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