I wouldn't mind dying.
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18-07-2013, 07:16 PM
I wouldn't mind dying.
I don't want to, but I wouldn't mind.

I'm about to be a senior, and I have no plans for my life after graduation. No motivation for school, no motivation for a job. I haven't even picked up a pamphlet for a college, nor have I taken my ACTs. I plan on it. I'm just procrastinating. I'm starting school end of next month with the shittiest attitude I've ever had when starting school. Usually I'm stoked, excited, motivated to do better than I did the year before (even though I usually slack off in the end.)

I'm not even motivated to maintain my friendships or relationships. I have drifted from several friends since the summer started. Completely fallen out with a couple of them, actually. At first, I allowed myself to drift from a lot of people because I've always felt more comfortable when I've limited myself. Better to have a few actual friends compared to a shit load of shallow, undependable relationships. But I took myself completely off of most public social networking, and now there are only 4 people I even speak to/occasionally hang out with.

Normally, I'm not one to even come out to any body about stuff going on. But holla it's the internet. Today I hung out with my boyfriend, and I guess it was when I felt unmotivated to even keep up a relationship with someone that was once awesome to me, I started feeling really, and I mean really shitty. I'm in the dumpiest of dumps right now, and that's why I'm going on with this. Man, I just want to see beauty in stuff. I want motivation. I don't want to feel like "I don't care about anything" all of the time because I can't find a reason that flips a switch in my brain. I'm letting friends slip away and I don't even care. I don't want to lose a relationship too. I also sleep a lot now, and don't get out as much as I used to. I'm 17. I'm not supposed to be home at all, and yet I'm sleeping more than I'm socializing.

I would actually be O.K. if a car hit me one day.
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18-07-2013, 07:22 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
Flowers. You need flowers.




As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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18-07-2013, 07:43 PM
I wouldn't mind dying.
I wouldn't mind either. Wanna make a pact?

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-07-2013, 07:52 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
You have your whole life ahead of you. The path you will tread is unknowable so the best thing you can do is take it one step at a time. The probability of finding something worthwhile during your journey is roughly equal to the probability that you will get squat. That makes it about 50/50 that it will suck. But if you give up now that drops to zero.


If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask stupid questions. Drinking Beverage
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18-07-2013, 08:13 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
(18-07-2013 07:43 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  I wouldn't mind either. Wanna make a pact?

A pact to stand in the middle of a highway?
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18-07-2013, 08:25 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
I wanna die. 'Cause I'm old, and Gwynnies. But, what's the rush?

If I can sit here with a face full of cavities for a Gwynnies I'll never have, you can buck up, soldier.

Or!

Hop a bus. Pick me up. We're off to see Uncle Stark. Thumbsup

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18-07-2013, 08:38 PM
I wouldn't mind dying.
(18-07-2013 08:13 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(18-07-2013 07:43 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  I wouldn't mind either. Wanna make a pact?

A pact to stand in the middle of a highway?

I like pills and bridges better but I guess that'll work for me. But do we hafta let Johnny join us? Dodgy

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-07-2013, 09:00 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
Yo, prepare yourselves for some sincere sentiments down here.

(18-07-2013 07:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I don't want to, but I wouldn't mind.

Well, I have mixed feelings about death. There are so many possibilities I'd miss out on. You have to keep in mind that there is an entire world to experience out there, and that you have to see it.

Then again, life is tiring. While I fear death, I suppose a nice rest wouldn't hurt?

(18-07-2013 07:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I'm about to be a senior, and I have no plans for my life after graduation. No motivation for school, no motivation for a job. I haven't even picked up a pamphlet for a college, nor have I taken my ACTs. I plan on it. I'm just procrastinating. I'm starting school end of next month with the shittiest attitude I've ever had when starting school. Usually I'm stoked, excited, motivated to do better than I did the year before (even though I usually slack off in the end.)

Girl, you think you are alone? Let me tell you a little story about myself. For the record, I did deplorable in high school. I barely passed. I averaged 2.2 GPA the entire four year period. I FUCKING SUCKED. I took my SAT after I graduated. I stopped caring about what my teachers said. I rolled my eyes, huffed and puffed, slept through classes and had the same attitude you have.

It wasn't until I realized that I enjoy developing stories about characters with their own problems. Their own method of solution. Their own experiences. All some form of personal projection. I do it in many ways. I write, produce music, and even occasionally draw.

I was not convinced I'd go to college, which would have greatly disappointed my parents. I barely made it in, which was a wake up call for me.

(18-07-2013 07:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I'm not even motivated to maintain my friendships or relationships. I have drifted from several friends since the summer started. Completely fallen out with a couple of them, actually. At first, I allowed myself to drift from a lot of people because I've always felt more comfortable when I've limited myself. Better to have a few actual friends compared to a shit load of shallow, undependable relationships. But I took myself completely off of most public social networking, and now there are only 4 people I even speak to/occasionally hang out with.

Ferdie, I feel your pain. Keep in mind this is coming from a military brat. I know how you feel when it comes to a dearth in friends. For me, it happened ever 2-4 years. I'd have to say goodbye, spend a year building them up, only to have them washed away a year later. It got to the point where I began to question the purpose to my even trying.

You just have to cling on to what you have, even if it may not seem like much to you.

(18-07-2013 07:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  Normally, I'm not one to even come out to any body about stuff going on. But holla it's the internet. Today I hung out with my boyfriend, and I guess it was when I felt unmotivated to even keep up a relationship with someone that was once awesome to me, I started feeling really, and I mean really shitty. I'm in the dumpiest of dumps right now, and that's why I'm going on with this. Man, I just want to see beauty in stuff. I want motivation. I don't want to feel like "I don't care about anything" all of the time because I can't find a reason that flips a switch in my brain. I'm letting friends slip away and I don't even care. I don't want to lose a relationship too. I also sleep a lot now, and don't get out as much as I used to. I'm 17. I'm not supposed to be home at all, and yet I'm sleeping more than I'm socializing.

I can't really supply you with any suggestions for the motivation you desire. You have to find them yourself. Art appeals to some. People appeal to others. I really want to help you here, but I really don't know what to do but just give you my support.

I sincerely hope that you find that motivation. But, hay, at least you got us! We are always here for you, Ferdie! Big Grin

(18-07-2013 07:16 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I would actually be O.K. if a car hit me one day.

Well, I don't know if I can speak for the rest of the forum or if this qualifies as consolation, but I wouldn't. Hug

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18-07-2013, 09:20 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
You're 17. What you are going through is actually typical. You're just expressing it differently. Me? I went through my rebellious phase and just thugged the eff out. Really, I'm surprised I didn't overdose, get shot and killed, or get locked up.

You're in the transitional stage right now. Childhood is quickly fading with adulthood approaching even quicker. Tons of uncertainties ahead of you.

It's good that you're active on here. From what I've seen, you have lots of fun on this forum. Keep up with that. It's nice to be able to vent things out whether or not it is on the Internet.

Oh, and even if you don't feel like it, force yourself to go out and do something. Your attitude might change once your out. Go catch some movies at the theater. Grab a book and go hang out at the coffee shop. Or hell, bring your laptop there and post on here.

Keep your head up Ferdi. There's a lot of life to live out there.

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
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18-07-2013, 09:46 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
Hug

Gosh I have nothing, no advice...but I do understand. It'll get better. Heart


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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