I wouldn't mind dying.
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18-07-2013, 09:50 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
You're a senior HS is supposed to be boring, trivial and beneath you, you are supposed to drift away from people. It's almost time to go to school or work and live your own life. It will suck some times but once you are on your own it gets a lot more fun and a lot more challenging. The people you will meet in college will be way more interesting. Be patient.

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19-07-2013, 08:39 AM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
I won't worry until your're nice to Hughsie! Smile

It'll get better, things can be tough at your age but you're smart enough and brave enough to talk about it.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
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19-07-2013, 09:54 AM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
Ah, the winds of change again! So the boyfriend who used to be a big turn-on is now a bore. Why do you think that is?

Because you've grown. You've outgrown him. You're headed for bigger and better things, but you don't know what they are. So you feel lost. The old doesn't work for you anymore, and you don't know yet what the new will be.

If this is the first time this has happened to you, it's certainly not the last time. As long as you live, you will outgrow things and head in new directions. And you'll feel lost every time it happens.

What's the cure? Taking control, of course. Set your new direction yourself, don't just get blown around aimlessly by the wind. Figure out what you want, anything, even the impossible, and go after it. Research whatever it is, and maybe you'll go for it, or maybe you'll get side tracked and go for something different. Whatever it ends up being, it will be your choice and it will feel good and exciting.

Growth is hard, no matter what your age. Change is hard. It's a challenge. You have no choice but to take a risk. Go for it and own it, make it yours!

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19-07-2013, 12:26 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
(19-07-2013 09:54 AM)Dom Wrote:  Ah, the winds of change again! So the boyfriend who used to be a big turn-on is now a bore. Why do you think that is?

Because you've grown. You've outgrown him. You're headed for bigger and better things, but you don't know what they are. So you feel lost. The old doesn't work for you anymore, and you don't know yet what the new will be.

If this is the first time this has happened to you, it's certainly not the last time. As long as you live, you will outgrow things and head in new directions. And you'll feel lost every time it happens.

What's the cure? Taking control, of course. Set your new direction yourself, don't just get blown around aimlessly by the wind. Figure out what you want, anything, even the impossible, and go after it. Research whatever it is, and maybe you'll go for it, or maybe you'll get side tracked and go for something different. Whatever it ends up being, it will be your choice and it will feel good and exciting.

Growth is hard, no matter what your age. Change is hard. It's a challenge. You have no choice but to take a risk. Go for it and own it, make it yours!

But what if I'm not fond of change? What if I never have been?

I know I have my life ahead of me, but I don't want to let go of everything and everyone in the process. I don't want to do it alone. A lot of the friends I've lost are ones that I've always had; people that have never left. Now it's like I'm letting these people slip away and I really can't do anything about it. Including said boyfriend. I don't want to feel like I've outgrown him, but after reading what Dom said and thinking about it for a couple of hours, it started making a lot of sense. I thought about talking to him about how I've been feeling lately, but I don't know how he'd take it. He recently talked to his mom and I about his depression, and I don't want to pull him into something that could possibly make him feel worse.

Off topic (but this is another thing that has been on my mind), when he talked to me about his depression recently, he mentioned partying and he brought up how he felt about how I have cut myself in the past. He used to always talk about how he felt he was too young to party and blah blah. It was a pride thing for him, and I respected him for seeming that responsible. Now he's changing, and I don't like witnessing it. We're only 17. We shouldn't be partying and drinking every weekend. We're not adults yet. Or maybe it's just the small part of me that wants to cling onto childhood.

He also made the remark (when we began to talk about me hurting myself in the past) that he doesn't want to break up with me because he's afraid I might kill myself. First of all, this was the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me. What do I look like? I'm not going to kill myself over a person. I only cut in the past because I was upset and dumb, and my friends were doing it. I know this isn't true based on a lot that has happened within the past month, but it made me worry; I don't want him staying with me in the long run if he isn't actually going to want to be with me. I don't want him staying just because he's afraid that if he leaves, I'm going to do something stupid. That's stupid. And stupidity isn't a relationship.

But the thing is, if I choose to let him go, I'm one person less than I already was, and that's already a significantly small number. Mentally, I can't afford that.
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19-07-2013, 12:46 PM
I wouldn't mind dying.
(19-07-2013 12:26 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(19-07-2013 09:54 AM)Dom Wrote:  Ah, the winds of change again! So the boyfriend who used to be a big turn-on is now a bore. Why do you think that is?

Because you've grown. You've outgrown him. You're headed for bigger and better things, but you don't know what they are. So you feel lost. The old doesn't work for you anymore, and you don't know yet what the new will be.

If this is the first time this has happened to you, it's certainly not the last time. As long as you live, you will outgrow things and head in new directions. And you'll feel lost every time it happens.

What's the cure? Taking control, of course. Set your new direction yourself, don't just get blown around aimlessly by the wind. Figure out what you want, anything, even the impossible, and go after it. Research whatever it is, and maybe you'll go for it, or maybe you'll get side tracked and go for something different. Whatever it ends up being, it will be your choice and it will feel good and exciting.

Growth is hard, no matter what your age. Change is hard. It's a challenge. You have no choice but to take a risk. Go for it and own it, make it yours!

But what if I'm not fond of change? What if I never have been?

I know I have my life ahead of me, but I don't want to let go of everything and everyone in the process. I don't want to do it alone. A lot of the friends I've lost are ones that I've always had; people that have never left. Now it's like I'm letting these people slip away and I really can't do anything about it. Including said boyfriend. I don't want to feel like I've outgrown him, but after reading what Dom said and thinking about it for a couple of hours, it started making a lot of sense. I thought about talking to him about how I've been feeling lately, but I don't know how he'd take it. He recently talked to his mom and I about his depression, and I don't want to pull him into something that could possibly make him feel worse.

Off topic (but this is another thing that has been on my mind), when he talked to me about his depression recently, he mentioned partying and he brought up how he felt about how I have cut myself in the past. He used to always talk about how he felt he was too young to party and blah blah. It was a pride thing for him, and I respected him for seeming that responsible. Now he's changing, and I don't like witnessing it. We're only 17. We shouldn't be partying and drinking every weekend. We're not adults yet. Or maybe it's just the small part of me that wants to cling onto childhood.

He also made the remark (when we began to talk about me hurting myself in the past) that he doesn't want to break up with me because he's afraid I might kill myself. First of all, this was the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me. What do I look like? I'm not going to kill myself over a person. I only cut in the past because I was upset and dumb, and my friends were doing it. I know this isn't true based on a lot that has happened within the past month, but it made me worry; I don't want him staying with me in the long run if he isn't actually going to want to be with me. I don't want him staying just because he's afraid that if he leaves, I'm going to do something stupid. That's stupid. And stupidity isn't a relationship.

But the thing is, if I choose to let him go, I'm one person less than I already was, and that's already a significantly small number. Mentally, I can't afford that.

Yabut, what if being one person less leaves you in a position to take on meaningful new friendships? What if that one person happened to be holding you back?

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
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19-07-2013, 01:11 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
(19-07-2013 12:46 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  Yabut, what if being one person less leaves you in a position to take on meaningful new friendships? What if that one person happened to be holding you back?

I have plenty of other open slots for friendships though. If anything is holding me back, I think it's my lack of transportation. I'm not going to find the greatest people where I'm at.
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19-07-2013, 01:17 PM
I wouldn't mind dying.
(19-07-2013 01:11 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(19-07-2013 12:46 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  Yabut, what if being one person less leaves you in a position to take on meaningful new friendships? What if that one person happened to be holding you back?

I have plenty of other open slots for friendships though. If anything is holding me back, I think it's my lack of transportation. I'm not going to find the greatest people where I'm at.

Forrest Gump was from your state. He seemed pretty nice. Drinking Beverage

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
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19-07-2013, 01:41 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
When my sister died... the major emotion was regret. She would never get to see the things that I would see in my life... to see the beauty... to experience the depths of grief and pain. She would never feel love again... she was gone. All that growing up, all that studying that she worked so hard at... It was all for nothing.

I kinda wondered if I should kill myself then... as soon as she died, that was the day when I totally lost my fear of death... It had been slowly getting less as time went on anyway... but since she died I have never doubted that I could die without regret any day. But then... I think... *I* am not dead. This world... this wonderful world is here for me to experience and learn about... until that day, which could come at any time... why should I not live as much as I can, to the full... Try my hardest... even if I get nowhere and achieve nothing... I will have spent this precious life in a way that I won't feel that I missed out on anything. Even if I had a sucky life... if I end it, I will never know if it would have gotten better... whereas even if it doesn't get better, it's not like the suckiness made a difference in the long run, 'cos when I finally die I won't care anyway.
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19-07-2013, 02:03 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
Sounds a bit like depression, maybe an early stage... or maybe you just need more vitamins. But try not to let yourself fall further into that mindset, maybe you think you don't mind, but it is kind of shitty not to feel anything, it's worse than feeling sad...

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19-07-2013, 05:07 PM
RE: I wouldn't mind dying.
There were times where I wouldn't have minded dying. Of course, I was (and always will be) too much of pussy to ever off myself. The thing is this: Everybody goes through stages in their life where life isn't good, where the world is bland, boring, and/or fucked up. Some people have these stages at different ages, and they can last a couple of days to a couple of years.

I remember mine because it was pretty recently. My ex-girlfriend had broken up with me because I had managed to get her in detention (because we were in school, texting). And well, she WAS great. After that, everything just seemed 'Meh' and shit was never really the same. I felt like when she left, my motivation to learn, love and participate left.

It was a fucking chore to even get out of bed and act like I cared. However, I realized that when shit happens, I need a time to recuperate and reflect, and shit just ain't the same during that time.

Now, this shit happens for different reasons, but that's because we are different people. We have different interests, likes, dislikes, and impartials.

We do, however, share one thing. We share the human experience, and however shitty, bland, boring and fucked up it is, it can be amazing, immaculate, and mesmerizing too.

So while I may be able to give you any good constructive advice, and you may hate me for not being able to, I am able to hope that you see the good in things, and bring yourself to share the good in you with the rest of us. If you can't feel motivated to share yourself with us, then you are denying us the amazing that is you.

^That right there, I got all of that from a fortune cookie.

Carry on.

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