If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
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03-07-2014, 05:20 PM
If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
My fifteen year old daughter’s best friend is from a highly conservative religion and her parents are completely intolerant of atheists. They have been friends since they were three. I know if they knew I am an atheist they would not allow them to be friends (this actually already happened with another friend).

The girl is actually far more liberal than her parents, and over the years we have had a lot of discussions about religion. She is also much brighter
than her parents, and I am sure will eventually at least leave that particular church.

The parents simply assume we are sort of lax Christians (they know we don’t go to church). I have come out to my family (and they are fine with it) but not publicly, because I do not think my daughter should have to lose an excellent friend over my lack of belief. But I feel guilty about it. Has anyone else dealt with this?
Thanks,
Carmen
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03-07-2014, 05:29 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
If you choose to remain silent, it will be for the best of reasons, so regardless, you are already one super cool Mama Smile

If she's fifteen then in a few years she can make her own choices anyway so in any case the silence wouldn't be forever.

Also if they are really good friends then a parental order to *stop* being friends wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of coming between them anyway?

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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03-07-2014, 05:33 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
I can relate to aspects of this - as has been said you are keeping a silence for the best of reasons.

From the sound of it your daughter's friend is bright enough to not mind and if you've had conversations on the subject matter she may well have an inkling of your view anyway. In which case it may be arguable that coming out may not be necessary?

If you're thinking about coming out more widely then that's a different question which I'll have to give more thought to...

Hope that helps.
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03-07-2014, 05:48 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
The girl probably has more than an inkling, but she knows to keep her mouth shut around her parents as she has already lost one friend.

They would be banned from seeing/texting/talking to each other, so I think that would be hard on their friendship.

I guess if I think if it as 3 more years added onto 11.....
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03-07-2014, 05:52 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
Just so I'm clear - does the issue arise from you wanting to come out publicly or just to this one person? I'm assuming it's the former...
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03-07-2014, 06:06 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
If I could make it so the whole world knew except the parents, I would. But it would get back to them if others knew.
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03-07-2014, 06:10 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
(03-07-2014 06:06 PM)Carmen Sorge Wrote:  If I could make it so the whole world knew except the parents, I would. But it would get back to them if others knew.

What's your daughter's opinion on what you should do?
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03-07-2014, 06:37 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
This is how the issue came up. I reposted something from Seths webpage, and my daughter was asking me to take it down since it might make her friends parents actually ask about our religious beliefs.
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03-07-2014, 06:41 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
(03-07-2014 06:37 PM)Carmen Sorge Wrote:  This is how the issue came up. I reposted something from Seths webpage, and my daughter was asking me to take it down since it might make her friends parents actually ask about our religious beliefs.

If she feels that way then I would suggest that you go with her on this one - her friend sounds intelligent enough that she's not too bothered - but parents can of course be dominating and however independent minded someone is - until she moves out they have a lot of control in her life...
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03-07-2014, 07:27 PM
RE: If I come out as an atheist, my daughter will lose her best friend
It also sounds like you're relatively close to your daughter's friend - is it worth asking her opinion?
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