If you met Jesus,
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12-02-2013, 04:12 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
Assuming that I really believed it WAS the guy, with the typically associated powers...

I'd have to ask which, of any, of the following had his approval or was actually doing things the way he liked to see: Pat Robertson, WLC, the KKK, the boy scouts, Mormons, or the Vatican.

... no, scratch that. I'd ask him if he would please heal a bunch of sick kids without health insurance. More important than scoring points off the conservatives.

Of course, I probably wouldn't think it was him, or that he had the power to do that in the first place.

"If I ignore the alternatives, the only option is God; I ignore them; therefore God." -- The Syllogism of Fail
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12-02-2013, 04:59 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
Well, you would kind of have to start with an "As-salam alaykum", and then end with a, "Wait, you're not Muhammad?"... "All of you people look the same!".

Then turn back to your friends and say, "Nope, sorry it wasn't him"..."Nope, it was the Jew"..."Yeah, I thought he would have looked a lot more like Kenny G, too"..."Can't win 'em all".

The Paradox Of Fools And Wise Men:
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser men so full of doubts.” ― Bertrand Russell
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12-02-2013, 05:18 PM (This post was last modified: 12-02-2013 08:02 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: If you met Jesus,
Jesus works for my parents. His family are our good friends. I'd ask how the kids are, and how they're doing, and if he was going to Mexico this year to visit his mom, when he's on vacation. I'd want to know what his and mom's plans are for the garden this year. I think he wants to plant a rose garden somewhere out by one of the barns. I'd want to know what treats he bought for my dog. He is one of the few people Lorenzo trusts.
Oh, did you mean that other dead Jebus ? I don't talk to dead people. If I did meet the old dead Jebus, I'd call 911, and ask to be taken to the ER for a psych eval.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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12-02-2013, 06:20 PM (This post was last modified: 13-02-2013 01:12 AM by Mark Fulton.)
RE: If you met Jesus,
I'd say

"Salve Titus! (I'd have brushed up on my Latin).

You were one of the greatest emperors Rome ever had ( a bit of exaggeration wouldn't hurt). Your younger brother turned you into a god after you died, and there's an arch still standing in Rome commemorating your greatness!

Funny thing is , you know how you were trying to get the Jews to worship you as god by creating that character Jesus...well...it worked ....sort of. Not many Jews fell for it, but now there are 2 billion people in the world who think you're a god! Get this though...almost none of them ever figured out that you are Jesus! Can you believe that? A few hundred years after you died things got a little, shall we say...out of hand.

The Jews are STILL causing trouble, threatening world peace! And the mob you created are just as bad!

In fact, the religion you created has been a disaster. You won't believe the shit that's gone down! Don't feel bad...it's not your fault. I'll talk you through it some time.

How about you come clean on camera (I'll explain that to you too) about how and why you had the gospels created? Tell the world you're Jesus. I GUARANTEE you'll be a celebrity!

Right now you better watch your back. There's a mob called the Vatican who won't like the fact you've made an appearance. They've never hesitated to use violence against others, so you're going to need some protection."
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12-02-2013, 07:22 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
"You're just fucking with us aren't you?"

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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12-02-2013, 07:28 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
What, no "Care to contribute a cask of Sangria Christi? It's for a good cause."?

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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12-02-2013, 07:33 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
"Welcome friend! Let me tell you the good news about Christ!

Hang on . . . "
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12-02-2013, 07:37 PM
If you met Jesus,
I'm hungry. You like pho? Lets go get some.

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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12-02-2013, 07:40 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
I'd ask him to heal the sick and feed the hungry. If he refused, I'd curse him for being an immoral sleaze-bag, then walk away.

2.5 billion seconds total
1.67 billion seconds conscious

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12-02-2013, 07:43 PM
RE: If you met Jesus,
I'd skeptically ask him to turn some water into wine and instagram the after party.
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