In Interesting Turn of Events
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04-12-2014, 07:34 PM
In Interesting Turn of Events
As several of you know from an earlier thread posted by WinterWolf, he's flying home with me this winter break to meet my pentecostal family... Well, I recently shared the news with my aunt, who has been completely against me dating him from the very beginning, and has absolutely refused to meet him from the get-go.

Bearing this in mind, I haven't been trying to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I didn't want her to feel as af I was trying to force her into meeting him, and I didn't want her to feel blindsided by him being in my house during the break... So, over Thanksgiving break, I let her know that he would be visiting.

She flipped out... To make a long story short, she's saying that because of the "choices I'm making" she doesn't feel right "supporting me" anymore...

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no mooch... I'm not asking for her to continue to keep her home open to me as it's been over the past year... but she had already made plans to come pick me up from school and take me to the airport. Now, she's refusing to do so because I'm bringing home my boyfriend who happens to be an atheist.

Again, trying to keep this short, my aunt has basically cut me off, and I have to find another way of getting to the airport so that there isn't nearly 1,000 dollars on 2 plane tickets wasted... This is becoming a huge issue in my family, and I am quite upset about it. Any advice?
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04-12-2014, 09:37 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
How far are you from the airport? across town? or a couple hours drive?

across town- just say fuck it and either drive yourself or have a friend or pay a cab.

over two hours? I would call her up and bitch about her not keeping her word and how she can never be trusted and all sorts of other things, which may or may not guilt her into driving you, be prepared to provide your own transportation on the return trip either way.

Tell your mother. I can be pissed at my child, but if someone makes arrangements for me to see my child over a holiday and then wants to back out last minute, and screw that all up, well, they just started a family fight.

keep us posted.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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04-12-2014, 10:10 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
That is not cool. Can you get a ride from a friend?
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04-12-2014, 10:33 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
Don't show up to the family event.

Later, when they ask why, explain that Winter tried to hitch a ride from the airport but was attacked, beaten up and left for dead.

Say that you both spent christmas in intensive care ... but it's ok ... the whole thing brought you both so much closer together.

This leaves you free to enjoy the break in your own way.

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05-12-2014, 12:55 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
That's a pretty shitty situation.

Honestly though, is a taxi not an option? Most airports even have shuttle services for this purpose alone, transporting those who don't have a vehicle or don't wish to leave it at the airport. I think Roadrunner still does airport shuttles.

Maybe try that if you don't have anyone else to drive you.
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05-12-2014, 01:27 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
Your aunt is probably fearing the possibility of you becoming an atheist and she thinks that by doing this she may be able to save you from a godless influence and that you will thank her in the future. If you tell her that you are already an atheist and that she risks never having contact with you ever again she may reconsider her behaviour. Because it won't stop with not 'supporting' you any more.

Of course you may not yet be in a position where you want to come out to your family but it's something to bear in mind if the rest of your family act in the same way for the same reason. Maybe even because they have been encouraged along this path by your aunt.

I'd certainly be prepared for the contingency of cutting your visit short so you don't have to be stuck there with them. Independence is the great equaliser.
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12-12-2014, 09:05 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up with this as well as I should... I've been driving myself crazy trying to figure things out in time for me to leave Wednesday night... I will try to answer all of your posts in order..

Bows and Arrows-- I'm couple of hours drive away--at Job Corps... So not only do I not have transportation, but I'm broke and can't afford a bus... My plane will be leaving at 4 in the morning... which would mean that to have a friend drive me, they would have to be up at 2 in the morning... I don't have any friends that would be able to do that, because they either have a job that they have to be at, or they simply don't have a car... I DID tell my mom and she has spoken to my aunt and asked her to reconsider.. She sent me a text with her conditions of her reconsideration... I will explain that after I am finished answering each post...

DLJ, Honestly, I kinda wish that I could... But I so rarely get to see my family, and most of them have been open to the idea of meeting him and having him visit for a while... It's only my aunt that has an issue... Unfortunately, she's the one that I was relying on for transportation... She scheduled the flight extremely early in the morning with her schedule in mind... And now I can't find anyone else that would be able to take me at such an early hour...

Jasozz, I do appreciate the suggestion, and I know I already covered this in one of the other responses, but I'm a broke trade school student stuck in the middle of nowhere... The shuttle doesn't come out this far, and I can't afford the $30 for a bus ticket..

Mathilda, You're most likely right about her motivation... And I know my aunt well enough to know that when it comes down to it, she's doing this because it's what she thinks is right... I just wish that she would see that not everyone is going to agree with her, and she can't always manipulate people into making the choices that she wants them to make... No, I'm not in a position where I'm ready to come out to my family... So despite the fact that I really wish I could just be honest with all of them, if I did, it would only make everything worse for the time being... None of the rest of my family would act as harshly as my aunt would... Most of my family are looking at her right now as if she's gone off the deep end... Especially my mom... My family wants me home for the Holidays, and she's the only thing keeping me from being there... I just wish that I could be there when she has to explain to my little brother (who is autistic) that even though he had been promised that I would be home for Christmas, I can't be there because my Aunt decided not to pick me up... I wish her luck staying on anyone's good side after that...


Now, my mom DID speak to her and asked her to reconsider... This is a shortened version of her message to me after the conversation with my mom....

"Hey Sam,

Your mom contacted me and asked me to reconsider giving you a ride to the airport. The only way that I will be willing to reconsider is if you are willing to reflect upon the content of what was discussed without focusing on your emotional response to what was discussed.

As I have thought about the interaction we had on Sunday, I wish that it had been a more productive conversation. I wish that I had been able to better articulate my thoughts to decrease the likelihood of an emotional response from you. I wish that you had been able to articulate answers to questions concerning God and how all of this affects your relationship with Him. I realize that I was getting frustrated with your inability to answer questions that I felt should have been easy to answer. Your focus seemed to be on the "disagreement"/difference in our beliefs and thoughts about this whole situation and I feel that my responses may have reinforced your belief that it was about me being stubborn or not giving someone a chance, when the focus of the conversation was about relationships that don't honor God. I care about you and your well being, but I don't feel that you are able to see how this romantic relationship is affecting your well being outside of your emotional and physical needs being met. Now that you've had time to let the emotional response decrease, I want to know if you are able to focus on what was actually said on Sunday.

Before I will be willing to reconsider, I need a typed reflection as soon as possible.

I love you, and I hope to hear from you soon."


Ok, first, I need to explain that (if you haven't read my deconversion post) I'm still not completely sure that there is no God... I just know that the God that is depicted in the bible is someone that I would want absolutely nothing to do with... I'm still in the process of trying to find answers for myself... So I can't really come out to anyone if I'm not even sure what I believe in the first place...

Now, how do I explain to a woman that really does care for me, and feels that she's doing the right thing, that I CAN'T think about how my relationship doesn't honor God... because I don't give a shit if it honors God? Even if this God does exist, I want nothing to do with a God that would kill so many innocent people because of the transgressions of a few... There are so many contradictions through the Bible that I can't even begin to list... Why would I care what this "loving" God who murders millions thinks about the relationship that I have with the man that I love... She has actually told me at one point that I can't have a loving relationship without God in it.. because God IS love... I don't get that... How can God be love if he's done so many horrible things? If he would be willing to cast his own creation into eternal torment because they fell prey to something that never would have been an issue in the first place if he hadn't planted that stupid tree in a garden thousands of years ago... How is that Love? If God was really love, then he would have prevented all of that...

Someone told me one time that God isn't Love... Love is God... I like that idea... I like the idea that Love should be first in everyone's life... Love should be the thing that keeps us going every day... I can live with that philosophy! But God isn't Love... He can't be... But I digress...

Anyway... How am I supposed to explain to a my aunt that her questions about whether or not my relationship "honors God" are irrelevant? How do I tell her that I really don't care if I'm "honoring God" without making her mad?

On top of all this, I just can't shake the feeling that if I don't tell her exactly what she wants to hear, I'm stuck here for Christmas... with nearly $1000 down the drain... I can't tell her what she wants to hear... I'm not okay with lying when I don't have to... I refuse to say "I see what you're talking about... This relationship isn't honoring God, and I don't need this relationship." Because then that would require that I no longer talk to Winter... I'm not willing to do that... I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness because my Aunt doesn't think that my relationship honors God... But I also don't want to miss getting to see my family for Christmas... I just don't know what I'm supposed to say that will convince my Aunt to still take me to Tennessee for Christmas without having to cut off the man that I'm going to marry...
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12-12-2014, 10:55 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
First of all, your aunt is a hosebeast. Second, I agree that you shouldn't compromise your principles in order to get home for Christmas. Is there a way your mother or someone else the the family can give you the money you need to take a bus? Maybe a friend that would be willing to loan you the money to take a bus?

With your aunt, you should state in the most polite way you possibly can that your relationship is YOUR choice and that you are honoring yourself by not letting anyone come in between that. Throw in there that if God is love, he will understand that you need to make choices in your life to make yourself happy. That way you aren't acknowledging there is a God per say but are throwing the whole "God is love" bullshit back in her face. Reason with her the best you can. If by some miracle she agrees to help you, great. If not, I'd be looking for an alternative way to get there.

To be honest, I'd just find a different way to get there and tell your aunt that you won't compromise your principles to make her happy and that you shouldn't have to since she is supposed to be your family. Good luck!
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12-12-2014, 11:15 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
if I were in your shoes, I would send Aunt a note that says

I am being honest and sincere, I am having doubts, I have many questions that I am trying to figure out the answers to. I don't have those answers yet. I don't want to lie to you and tell you I am a believer when at this moment in time I am not sure if I still am. I will tell you that I am not comfortable considering myself an atheist. Honestly, I don't know where I stand. I need time to figure it out, I need to research answers to the questions I have, I need space to think this through. I wish I could just give you the answer you want to hear but I feel its better to be open about it.


All you can really do is give her an honest answer, and if that isnt enough, then its on her.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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12-12-2014, 01:46 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
(12-12-2014 10:55 AM)KimberHenry Wrote:  First of all, your aunt is a hosebeast. Second, I agree that you shouldn't compromise your principles in order to get home for Christmas. Is there a way your mother or someone else the the family can give you the money you need to take a bus? Maybe a friend that would be willing to loan you the money to take a bus?

With your aunt, you should state in the most polite way you possibly can that your relationship is YOUR choice and that you are honoring yourself by not letting anyone come in between that. Throw in there that if God is love, he will understand that you need to make choices in your life to make yourself happy. That way you aren't acknowledging there is a God per say but are throwing the whole "God is love" bullshit back in her face. Reason with her the best you can. If by some miracle she agrees to help you, great. If not, I'd be looking for an alternative way to get there.

To be honest, I'd just find a different way to get there and tell your aunt that you won't compromise your principles to make her happy and that you shouldn't have to since she is supposed to be your family. Good luck!

I actually had to look up "hose beast" because I had never heard it before. Here's what I found...

http://onlineslangdictionary.com/meaning...hose-beast

Now, if you are referring to the first definition, then I shall have to come to her defense... my aunt is unmarried, and due to her belief that any kind of sex before marriage will send her to hell, is over 40 and still a virgin... So that's impossible... If you mean the 2nd one, then at this moment of time, I would have to say you're probably right... However, she isn't ugly... lol

I don't know if she would buy it... but it's worth a shot... thank you...


(12-12-2014 11:15 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  if I were in your shoes, I would send Aunt a note that says

I am being honest and sincere, I am having doubts, I have many questions that I am trying to figure out the answers to. I don't have those answers yet. I don't want to lie to you and tell you I am a believer when at this moment in time I am not sure if I still am. I will tell you that I am not comfortable considering myself an atheist. Honestly, I don't know where I stand. I need time to figure it out, I need to research answers to the questions I have, I need space to think this through. I wish I could just give you the answer you want to hear but I feel its better to be open about it.


All you can really do is give her an honest answer, and if that isnt enough, then its on her.

That idea sounds so nice! Like it would be soo much better if I could just tell her that... I just don't know if I can... I know that as soon as I do, she will start talking to my mom about it, and they will all think that it's because of Winter... Sad
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