In Interesting Turn of Events
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13-12-2014, 10:39 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
Also, if she continues to be a cunt while you're there... Tell her to go get some dick, cause she's obviously jealous and guiltily been craving it for decades. Or, you know... Don't say that..
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13-12-2014, 11:21 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
"Auntie, are you truly being a Christian by not honoring my choices."
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14-12-2014, 02:00 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
Cosmos, Now THAT'S a thought... but I really don't think that would fly over well at all... with any of my family! LOL

I just sent the response to my aunt... And while some of the lines have been made to sound a bit more pleasing to those that think I'm still a Christian, I thought that it came out pretty well... If anyone is interested in reading it, it will be pasted right below this... However, it's extremely long, so If you don't like reading long posts, feel free to skip... I will keep you guys posted as to her reaction. Feel free to let me know what you think of what I came up with.


Here's the letter I emailed to her:

"I’ve given careful consideration to your request, and at first, I wasn’t sure what you were expecting in response. As I read it, and thought about it, I had a hard time shaking the feeling that if I didn’t say exactly what you wanted to hear, that I would be stuck here for Christmas break. I considered the option of simply telling you what I thought you wanted to hear, and then quickly discarded the idea. First, I am not okay with lying. Secondly, that would have only ended with me being miserable and hurting everyone else in the process. So, I’ve chosen to be open and honest with you about my thoughts on the subject, and though I’m almost positive that it’s not what you would like to hear, I hope that you can accept that I’m sharing what’s on my heart.
I know that you asked several questions over the last several months concerning what God would think of my relationship and my choices. I know that you expected answers, and I didn’t give you the answers that you wanted. Sometimes, I gave no answer at all. It’s not because I don’t want to answer, but it’s because I don’t have the answers. I have way more questions than I have answers. I haven’t stopped reading, or studying, or praying. Cory has never asked me to stop believing, or praying, or worshipping. He hasn’t tried to convince me to do anything—or in this case, to NOT do something. I’m not sure why everyone seems to be under that impression. In fact, it’s been the opposite. When I had to stop going to church, for reasons that I can explain later, he actually got upset and encouraged me to keep going. He doesn’t want me to disappoint my family. When I explained to him my reasons for not going, he understood. He just doesn’t want me to lose my faith, because he’s so afraid that if I lose my faith, I’m going to lose my family. He was afraid that I stopped going because of him. If he had thought that he had that kind of effect on me, he would have broken up with me a long time ago. He refuses to be the cause of any change in my beliefs.
That being said, I’ve had a lot of questions—questions that I don’t have the answers for. And as I read and study, I’m finding some answers. But for all the answers that I’ve found, I have more questions. That’s not a bad thing. Aren’t I supposed to have questions? That doesn’t mean that I’m questioning my faith. Just that there are a lot of things that I’m going to have to study, pray, and research about.
Now, I know it seems like I’ve been jumping all over the place—and I’m trying to make this all coherent. As far as what this has to do with the discussion on Sunday—I’m not sure how else to put it but that it basically all boils down to “I don’t know.” I don’t have all the answers. I don’t’ know what else I’m supposed to do. I’m trying to find the answers. I’m seeking it out for myself. I can’t rely on everyone else to tell me what something means, or what I’m supposed to do, or how I’m supposed to live. The Bible says to seek out your own salvation with fear and trembling. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I have to figure this all out for myself. This is taking a while—and will probably take a lot longer. What I need is for my family to respect that I’m figuring this all out myself. I may have times when I need space—but I’m working on it. I know you may not agree with me, or understand my choices. But I’m doing the best I know how with what I’ve been given. If my choices aren’t what you would do, or seem wrong to you, then I am genuinely sorry for that. I’m not trying to upset anyone or cause an issue. I’m just trying to find answers. I’m sorry that you feel that I’m making mistakes—and maybe you’re right. But if I’m wrong, I’m going to have to figure it out on my own. And while I understand that you don’t agree with my choices—when it comes down to it—they are mine to make, good or bad.
My parents raised me well. I know not to listen to just anyone who seems to know what they’re talking about. I was taught to think for myself, and question things, and to figure things out. And if I’m making the wrongs choices, then eventually I will see that, and you shouldn’t be worried. But I need to work things out for myself. And what I need is for my family to support me in this. Maybe not each individual choice, but support me while I’m figuring it out for myself.
I’m sorry if this is hard for you to accept, or if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. But this is my heart right now. So I hope that at the very least, you can respect that… "
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16-12-2014, 10:20 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
I think your letter was great. it was sincere, honest, without being mean or challenging. well done.

Do you have a sense of relief just getting that out in the open? you don't have to hide that you are doubting anymore.

I would imagine you will get a shitload of reasons from a large group of people to convince you to come back into the herd.

I look forward to hearing your aunts reply. I am hoping she takes the high road and will provide the holiday transportation as promised at the very least. Bonus points if she can do it graciously.

This middle ground is a good time to show those around you that you are still the same nice person they know and love, that you havent changed just because you have doubts. That you aren't a down trodden, baby eating, angry, satan worshipping atheist.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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18-12-2014, 11:07 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
I thought I had already replied earlier today.. strange... anyway, she didn't respond well at all. Claimed that "I don't know" wasn't an acceptable answer. I argued with her for a bit before just getting downright blunt and telling her that I wasn't going to jump through hoops to make her happy.. if she decided to leave me behind, fine.. I would make do. But good luck explaining that to granny, mom, and my brother and sister.. She didn't like it, claims that it's still all my fault, but that she would take me so that it wouldn't break or moms' hearts. It was an awkward trip, but I'm here.. other than the awkward looks and long ride, there has been no other drama. Hopefully the rest of the visit goes as well.
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18-12-2014, 11:14 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
But despite her reaction, I really do feel relieved.. not just from putting it out there, but from finally standing up to my aunt.
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18-12-2014, 11:16 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
(18-12-2014 11:07 PM)AutumnWolf000 Wrote:  I thought I had already replied earlier today.. strange... anyway, she didn't respond well at all. Claimed that "I don't know" wasn't an acceptable answer. I argued with her for a bit before just getting downright blunt and telling her that I wasn't going to jump through hoops to make her happy.. if she decided to leave me behind, fine.. I would make do. But good luck explaining that to granny, mom, and my brother and sister.. She didn't like it, claims that it's still all my fault, but that she would take me so that it wouldn't break or moms' hearts. It was an awkward trip, but I'm here.. other than the awkward looks and long ride, there has been no other drama. Hopefully the rest of the visit goes as well.

You reached out to her, she tried to manipulate you. She doesn't need any further consideration Drinking Beverage

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-12-2014, 11:16 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
Hug

Wishing you and yours all the best.
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18-12-2014, 11:50 PM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
(18-12-2014 11:14 PM)AutumnWolf000 Wrote:  But despite her reaction, I really do feel relieved.. not just from putting it out there, but from finally standing up to my aunt.

Manipulative people will always try and use whatever leverage they can get. By standing up to her you've removed a big lever - her assumption was that you'd never dare to challenge her and she used that to apply pressure to you over this issue.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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19-12-2014, 06:20 AM
RE: In Interesting Turn of Events
i second morondog.

She pissed because she just realized to you won't bow down to her anymore. She can no longer control and manipulate you.

"I don't know" is a perfectly good answer, you were honest and open with her. If you get into this discussion with your parents you should let them read what you wrote to her, if they havent already. Your letter was sincere and explained your position very well. It would be helpful in defusing tension.

When you return home, you will feel better knowing its all out in the open, and while there might be disagreements or hurt feelings, this is a milestone trip, its the one where they all realize that you are all grown up and becoming your own woman, not necessairly the person they expecting.

I hooe you have a wonderful Christmas. plan some outings, give everyone some space to breathe. Even just a walk outside is helpful change of scenery when there is a bit of tension in the air. It lets everyone relax and put their guard down for a few moments.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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