In agony over wife's latest health report
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
31-03-2016, 10:45 AM
In agony over wife's latest health report
Age 59, had some rectal bleeding, which turned out to be stage 4 rectal cancer about 2 years ago, metatasis to liver, squamous cell type.

Responded pretty well to chemo, small 20mm liver tumor shrunk enough to remove 1/3 of liver via endoscope. She recovered, and was like new again...no cancer found in CT scans every 4 months. No need for surgery on the colon or rectum. Checks out normal on colonoscopy every time.

But I knew from reading on the net this type of cancer, being stage 4, still had high probability of coming back within a couple of years.

Fast forward 22 months since first diagnosis. Few days ago she had PET scan which shows unusual uptake on one slightly enlarged lymph node near the colon, 14mm spot on lung, and most worrisome (from what I gather anyway) is uptake at base of spine... i.e. may be in the bone.

As far as how she feels, no symptoms at all...normal energy and no pain anywhere. However I can tell from the recommendations of "pallative" chemo, this is pretty bleak.

She is in denial and probably thinks the chemo might keep her going for many years. And I suppose it might, but metatasis in 3 remote locations sounds hopeless to me. And to be kept going in constant nausesa, weakness, probable neurothopy for years might not be worth the struggle.

I'm thinking if it was me I'd forget the chemo and just try and live my final days as pain free as possible. Then again if it was me I might be in denial as well.

The question is, who to talk to about this without her present ? I doubt her oncologist would give me the straight answer.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-03-2016, 11:07 AM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
Vibes.

You could ask her to give the oncologist permission to answer any and all of your questions. Then have a private meeting or phone conversation or even email, and ask everything.

ETA: As a caregiver/spouse/next-of-kin you should be able to understand her condition as best you can.

You could also take the medical records elsewhere and have another professional give you an opinion.

Once again, vibes.

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-03-2016, 11:45 AM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
So sorry to hear about your wife. I am not sure what I would do in this situation, I think each person handles things differently. It's ultimately your wife's fight (even though you are fighting it alongside her) and I think the best thing to do is to be supportive of the care/medical treatments she decides to have. I agree with FBHobbit, in order to fully be aware of her options, perhaps a meeting without your wife there (if that's what she would agree to) and perhaps a second opinion. There are people who have beat cancer, even when things seem dire. I think an "I'm going to kick cancer's ass" mentality can certainly help in the potential of beating it.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes jennybee's post
31-03-2016, 12:17 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
I just cornered the docs when my husband was ill. Cornered them and questioned them and got straight answers. Long as you do your homework and know what to ask... and it sounds like you do. The docs are usually happy to talk to a rational person...they get a lot of freaked out people.

I feel the same way you do about struggling for years and living a rotten life, but I do also realize that others may feel differently. Only one person should be able to decide about treatments - the ill person.

Also, some people want to know what to expect, and some don't want to know at all and just take it as it comes. Again, I think only one person can choose here - the ill person.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like Dom's post
31-03-2016, 01:28 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
(31-03-2016 10:45 AM)Zeus Wrote:  Age 59, had some rectal bleeding, which turned out to be stage 4 rectal cancer about 2 years ago, metatasis to liver, squamous cell type.

Responded pretty well to chemo, small 20mm liver tumor shrunk enough to remove 1/3 of liver via endoscope. She recovered, and was like new again...no cancer found in CT scans every 4 months. No need for surgery on the colon or rectum. Checks out normal on colonoscopy every time.

But I knew from reading on the net this type of cancer, being stage 4, still had high probability of coming back within a couple of years.

Fast forward 22 months since first diagnosis. Few days ago she had PET scan which shows unusual uptake on one slightly enlarged lymph node near the colon, 14mm spot on lung, and most worrisome (from what I gather anyway) is uptake at base of spine... i.e. may be in the bone.

As far as how she feels, no symptoms at all...normal energy and no pain anywhere. However I can tell from the recommendations of "pallative" chemo, this is pretty bleak.

She is in denial and probably thinks the chemo might keep her going for many years. And I suppose it might, but metatasis in 3 remote locations sounds hopeless to me. And to be kept going in constant nausesa, weakness, probable neurothopy for years might not be worth the struggle.

I'm thinking if it was me I'd forget the chemo and just try and live my final days as pain free as possible. Then again if it was me I might be in denial as well.

The question is, who to talk to about this without her present ? I doubt her oncologist would give me the straight answer.

First off, cancer sucks, and I'm sorry to hear you and your wife have to deal with it. My sister died of colon cancer a couple years ago (she was only 29). When she was diagnosed, she was already in a lot of pain due to swelling of her liver caused by a large number of tumors that spread there (like most young people diagnosed with colon cancer, it was only discovered after it was very advanced). Her tumors responded well to treatment, and the quality of her life improved due to chemo.

It sounds like in your case, the doctors are giving the straight story--palliative care is the kind of care that is offered when cure is not on the table. Palliative care can also be designed not to just treat current symptoms, but to delay eventual symptoms. Your wife thankfully has not yet had symptoms from her resurgent cancer. Having seen what my sister endured, my own personal decision if I had to make one would be to endure the chemo and delay the cancer symptoms. But as the disease progresses, the calculation may change on the benefits of chemo.

These are all personal/individual decisions, and though you may be affected by her decisions, she is the one who has to experience the physical effects of treatment and/or the disease. If your wife has no symptoms, she is not yet in her final days. Both of you can take some time to digest the news you have received.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes BryanS's post
31-03-2016, 04:41 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
Have a serious talk with the oncologist. Then get all the records together and get a second opinion. Either way it will give you some peace of mind in knowing what you are facing.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had bilateral mastectomy. The first medicinal oncologist I saw wanted to start chemo immediately. Said I had no option. My plastic surgeon's office referred me to another doctor, a breast cancer researcher, I did no chemo or radiation. I am over six years cancer free. Different doctors and even different hospitals, states, and regions have very different approaches.

If you have a medical university where there are researchers may be an excellent resource.

Good luck to you both.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Anjele's post
31-03-2016, 05:22 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
I sometimes wonder that too, if I'd forego chemo depending on the stage cancer I'd be in at the time...but, Idk. I'm sorry you're both going through this, you're in my thoughts. ((hug)) Heart

Be true to yourself. Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-03-2016, 06:38 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
(31-03-2016 12:17 PM)Dom Wrote:  I just cornered the docs when my husband was ill. Cornered them and questioned them and got straight answers. Long as you do your homework and know what to ask... and it sounds like you do. The docs are usually happy to talk to a rational person...they get a lot of freaked out people.

I feel the same way you do about struggling for years and living a rotten life, but I do also realize that others may feel differently. Only one person should be able to decide about treatments - the ill person.

Also, some people want to know what to expect, and some don't want to know at all and just take it as it comes. Again, I think only one person can choose here - the ill person.


This.


(31-03-2016 04:41 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Have a serious talk with the oncologist. Then get all the records together and get a second opinion. Either way it will give you some peace of mind in knowing what you are facing.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had bilateral mastectomy. The first medicinal oncologist I saw wanted to start chemo immediately. Said I had no option. My plastic surgeon's office referred me to another doctor, a breast cancer researcher, I did no chemo or radiation. I am over six years cancer free. Different doctors and even different hospitals, states, and regions have very different approaches.

If you have a medical university where there are researchers may be an excellent resource.

Good luck to you both.

And this.

My advice as a cancer patient is NEVER give up. Pain is worth life if there is but a small chance.

IME no oncologist will not speak directly with the spouse. So you should make an appointment. Discuss all your concerns and get all the answers.

All these doctors have had "the death talk" with patients. Indeed, some have told me how good they are at it! So it will come as no surprise that you want to know.

I would be surprised and frankly shocked, if you were turned away.

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Banjo's post
31-03-2016, 06:57 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
I'm so sorry for you and your wife. I agree with the others on second opinions.

[Image: dnw9krH.jpg?4]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-03-2016, 08:07 PM
RE: In agony over wife's latest health report
Maybe something like this?

http://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/find-affiliate

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: