In-laws
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24-05-2016, 05:12 PM
In-laws
I'm sure this has been addressed here a million times. My in-laws have been leaning on me & my husband (me way more than him) about our lack of church attendance. We were attending a very open-minded, loving church up until about a year ago, but I finally let go after realizing I'd felt like a fake Christian my whole life. My husband agrees there's no evidence of god, and we stopped going. My parents are Unitarians and are cool with whatever. His parents are hard core Christians. His dad worked as minister of Ed at their church as his second career.
So my MiL has talked to me three times about it in the last few months and to my husband once. I haven't told her I'm no longer a believer. We have three young kids and they seem to think it's of utmost importance to raise them in the church. I think, she's said her piece and she needs to back off. So I just...need to tell them?
Then again, they'll cry for days if I just up and tell them.
Then again, I can't deflect for ever.
Then again, my 7yo son, with NO input from me advocating one way or the other, used kick-ass analysis skills and decided god doesn't exist. At some point he'll tell his Gma that...
Anyway. Just venting. Looking for input. And thanks.
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24-05-2016, 05:36 PM
RE: In-laws
I think you need to be honest with them and ask them to respect your wishes. You should still be respectful of them when in their house. You and your husband are adults and should be able to make your own life decisions.

As for your kids...here is something I learned upon becoming a grandmother...I chose how to raise my kids but it's not my place to decide how they raise theirs.

It's not going to be easy...but it sounds like you need to take a stand.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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24-05-2016, 09:41 PM
RE: In-laws
If you and your husband agree on it, I'd do what Anjele suggests. It will be harder for him, I would think.
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24-05-2016, 10:14 PM
RE: In-laws
The fact that they may cry for days should not weigh on you. You know what has a basis in reality. They'll just have to deal with it. I realize that this won't be easy on you. I hope you get a peaceful solution.
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25-05-2016, 03:26 AM
RE: In-laws
To put it simply, what you and your husband, or your kids do or don't do as far as religious convictions go, is none of their business.

Unfortunately, Christian zealots are very reluctant to see people "leaving the fold" as it were. Just tell your parents-in-law the decision has been made by you and their son—in the best interests of your family—and that you'll not be entering unto any further debate about it.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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25-05-2016, 07:48 AM
RE: In-laws
My 22yo nephew was "raised in the church" like they'd hoped, by my husband's sister, & he's a nonbeliever through and through. No bad experiences, just has decided it's not true. He and I discussed last night how we just have been deflecting questions and hoping no one asks us directly! Easier for him--he lives 7 hours away now.
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25-05-2016, 08:23 AM
RE: In-laws
This post looks like the beginning of a Dear Abby haha.

It would be hard to address this issue without hurting any feelings. If you don't necessarily want to talk about your lack of belief, maybe you can pose it as (something like), "I appreciate that you care so much, but what we are doing with our life and our children is our choice and we are doing it intentionally. I really don't want to cause any rift between us, but I would appreciate it if you left this topic alone."

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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25-05-2016, 08:37 AM
RE: In-laws
I've tried and tried not to post this but I just can't resist anymore....




Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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25-05-2016, 08:52 AM
RE: In-laws
(25-05-2016 08:23 AM)Adrianime Wrote:  This post looks like the beginning of a Dear Abby haha.

It would be hard to address this issue without hurting any feelings. If you don't necessarily want to talk about your lack of belief, maybe you can pose it as (something like), "I appreciate that you care so much, but what we are doing with our life and our children is our choice and we are doing it intentionally. I really don't want to cause any rift between us, but I would appreciate it if you left this topic alone."

That's about what I'll have to say to avoid an all-out sob-fest. Literally. Even then, they'll likely figure it out, but it's a good start!
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25-05-2016, 09:31 AM
RE: In-laws
(25-05-2016 08:52 AM)JosieWales Wrote:  
(25-05-2016 08:23 AM)Adrianime Wrote:  This post looks like the beginning of a Dear Abby haha.

It would be hard to address this issue without hurting any feelings. If you don't necessarily want to talk about your lack of belief, maybe you can pose it as (something like), "I appreciate that you care so much, but what we are doing with our life and our children is our choice and we are doing it intentionally. I really don't want to cause any rift between us, but I would appreciate it if you left this topic alone."

That's about what I'll have to say to avoid an all-out sob-fest. Literally. Even then, they'll likely figure it out, but it's a good start!

All you can do is attempt to soften the initial blow. After that there isn't much you can do about it.
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