In love with married coworker
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25-05-2017, 07:52 PM
RE: In love with married coworker
(25-05-2017 07:45 PM)mikep987654321 Wrote:  
(25-05-2017 07:35 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I think I would look for another job. This situation seems fraught with problems. Also, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin and never having a girlfriend. Don't sell yourself short, you were able to attract this lady's attention, I'm sure you can do the same for a single woman as well.

Perhaps, but the cynical side of me thinks she was just using me as a fetish. I'm not really sure I even want a girlfriend. I technically had a girlfriend once, but it was long-distance and we had never met in person, and the whole thing imploded entirely due to me. In other words, I'm probably not boyfriend material--which is totally fine, by the way--so I think my "love" for my coworker is maybe nothing but a kind of pathetic curiosity mixed with lonliness and desperation.

I think I'll just confront her. It's my problem to fix. I shouldn't be so cowardly.

It's not cowardly. She put you in an awkward situation. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
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25-05-2017, 07:58 PM
RE: In love with married coworker
Quote:she was just using me as a fetish

That's dead on. And you're not some bitch's fucking toy. Pull on that for strength, man. You deserve WAY better and you can get it, too.

You're somebody's boyfriend material. Stay strong. It's a big world out there.
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26-05-2017, 12:18 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
It isn't so much a matter of you shouldn't be messing around with her as much as she shouldn't be messing around with you. Given the differences in age and experience as well as your autism you will never be able to have a relationship on anything like a level playing field. The power dynamic between you would always be lopsided and likely unhealthy. That's without considering the fact that she's married. She ought to know this, so she's either clueless, uncaring, or incapable of self-control. That doesn't get any better looking no matter how you cut it.

Getting over her is going to take time and effort. The simplest way to do that is to find somebody else but that is rarely simple and frequently unfair to the somebody else. The next few weeks are going to be pretty miserable. A transfer or new job might help but those aren't trivial either. If she is toying with you then she may wait until you're feeling particularly down to make a move on you. If she does this then you will know that you are being used. Avoid being in private with her. She's less likely to try anything with witnesses present.

Inform HR of the problem. This is preemptive in case she brings a harassment complaint against you. Keep it professional and let them know that you are attempting to resolve the matter amicably. Ask for their advice, it's what they're there for. She may have flags in her file. They may be able to help keep the two of you separated.

Lastly, please stop selling yourself short. You seem like a decent person, and by that alone you're better than the majority of the "boyfriend material" out there.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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26-05-2017, 01:09 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(26-05-2017 12:18 AM)Paleophyte Wrote:  Lastly, please stop selling yourself short. You seem like a decent person, and by that alone you're better than the majority of the "boyfriend material" out there.

Dude's in his 20s and thinks love has passed him by Laugh out load

Paleophyte's advice is good. Do the informing HR thing. Otherwise it's your ass on the line when things go pear shaped. Which they will do shortly.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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26-05-2017, 02:41 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
Perhaps her husband know's there's not a damn thing he can do, except ditch her. Frankly it's what both of you should do, she should be kicked to the curb.

If there's an open relationship kinda thing goin on they should make it very clear with you. if not then there's stuff goin on your not aware of. Either way she's using you dude, don't be an idiot (I say this, but you'll prolly fuck her like an idiot). Just be aware you're being played, and it's not likely going to end well for you.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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26-05-2017, 02:47 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(25-05-2017 07:48 PM)mikep987654321 Wrote:  Thanks for the replies, everyone. It helped getting this off my chest. I know what needs to be done now.

She's just lucky she pulled this shit with you and not me, I've been through this kinda bullshit enough times I'd not be kind to her. She's worthless dude, lets say she left her husband and ran off with you, couple years later she'll do the same fucking thing to you. That's all she is. You're feelings are for a fantasy she's built not reality, you need to see her for what she is. This is one of the ways women manipulate it's highly effective, you need to keep your head straight or she'll rip your head off, grind your heart into the ground and ride some other guy laughing at you for being such easy prey.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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26-05-2017, 02:49 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(25-05-2017 07:02 PM)jennybee Wrote:  There are so many single people out there--imo, don't go after someone who's taken, it will only lead to problems and/or heartbreak in the future. If this lady is unhappy in her marriage and truly wants to be with you, she'll end things in her current rship, otherwise she's just looking for a little fun on the side. The problems with that: it's unfair to her husband and if you have feelings for her, you are going to get hurt.
Well, actually, the problem with it is that you will never be able to trust her. Once you get past your honeymoon period and the relationship gets a bit too familiar she might start seeking greener pastures, she did it to her husband, she'll probably do it to you.
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26-05-2017, 02:51 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
Is it possible to try and have a bit of a chat with her?

Somewhere neutral, like say a coffee shop or at work at lunch time, and just say "what is this? like what's going on here?", and just see what she says. Mention how its confusing you mentally/emotionally and how, if she's serious about her flirting's, you wouldn't want to do something that would effect her marriage. If it's all a massive joke to her, [and trust me, some people just like to flirt inappropriately with people], then you know where you stand.

"I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner" - Rick
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26-05-2017, 02:54 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(25-05-2017 07:35 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(25-05-2017 07:29 PM)mikep987654321 Wrote:  I'm still a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend. You can laugh, but I have legitimate mental issues that have made most kinds of interpersonal bonds a terrible struggle for me. That a woman would initiate such a relationship with me has made me feel things I've only ever heard about but never thought I would feel.

I know it's impossible. We have no future. I just need a way to end it with minimal awkardness.

I think I would look for another job. This situation seems fraught with problems. Also, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin and never having a girlfriend. Don't sell yourself short, you were able to attract this lady's attention, I'm sure you can do the same for a single woman as well.

I agree

@OP
No joke, in a situation like this the best option is to leave. Run the fuck away cause you don't have any way to defend yourself or fight back, not in the courts, not in public opinion. There is no winning outcome if you allow this piece of shit to continue to have access to you in any way. You need to understand YOU are in danger, your lively hood, and possibly your freedom, if you have kids with her she'll steal them and make you pay her money the rest of her life. if she decides to turn on you and make shit up about you, you'll go to jail. She'll win by default regardless of whatever fucked up thing she tries to do to you. You need to understand your position in society and play safe sane and smart and by that I mean don't trust people, don't buy the lies. If she were worth a damn she'd fucking earn whatever you give her. That's the only way you can afford to trust her.

Never forget that.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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26-05-2017, 02:55 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(26-05-2017 02:49 AM)Stevil Wrote:  
(25-05-2017 07:02 PM)jennybee Wrote:  There are so many single people out there--imo, don't go after someone who's taken, it will only lead to problems and/or heartbreak in the future. If this lady is unhappy in her marriage and truly wants to be with you, she'll end things in her current rship, otherwise she's just looking for a little fun on the side. The problems with that: it's unfair to her husband and if you have feelings for her, you are going to get hurt.
Well, actually, the problem with it is that you will never be able to trust her. Once you get past your honeymoon period and the relationship gets a bit too familiar she might start seeking greener pastures, she did it to her husband, she'll probably do it to you.

Damn straight.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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