In love with married coworker
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27-05-2017, 11:11 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:00 AM)Aliza Wrote:  
(26-05-2017 06:10 PM)mikep987654321 Wrote:  No. She just assumes I'm the "shy quiet" type. I was diagnosed as a kid, and it's not a huge problem in my adult life. It mostly amounts to difficulty with social interaction. The only reason I mentioned it here was to put my situation into perspective so I could get better advice. I certainly wasn't looking for pity, nor was I trying to make myself look like a blameless victim.

I’m assuming that you came to an atheist forum to get advice because you wanted objective viewpoints that aren’t colored by religious doctrine. I think I can do that. My advice is to ditch the woman (which I understand that you’ve already done). -Not because she’s married or that monogamy should be celebrated and "cheaters" should be demonized, but rather simply because it doesn’t seem like she's got anything to offer you.

I don’t see what’s wrong with consenting adults engaging in a little extra marital affair, provided that the key word consenting is satisfied for all parties involved. If she had been prepared to introduce you to her husband and make formal arrangements to engage in an affair that had clearly defined parameters, and you felt and expressed that you were emotionally capable and willing to engage in that kind of relationship, then I don't see that as being inappropriate. Your work situation shouldn’t be an issue if neither of you is a direct supervisor of the other, and if you disclose the relationship to HR.

If she’s unaware that you’ve been diagnosed with ASD, then she might not have been properly evaluating your reaction in context to her sexual advances. She might have excused certain behaviors as just being quirky or eccentric (or shy, as you said). It sounds like you weren't as wooed by her advances as you may have thought you were at first because you were able to put an effective end to the matter.

My reply post is practically moot at this point given that you've already handled the situation, but if you decide to change your mind, invite her to introduce you to her husband before you proceed. That shouldn’t be a problem in a legit arrangement.

I don't like the idea of open relationships. It irks me. Unfortunately, I let lonliness and hormones temporarily blind me.

Update: The woman in question didn't show up for work today. She texted me a bizarre suicide letter. I can't tell if this is her way of luring me back or if I should notify someone. To be honest, I'm afraid to notify anyone because I don't want our hidden "affair" to be public, but I also don't want to risk letting her kill herself (assuming she really is suicidal).

This is becoming a bizarre soap opera. What can I do?

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27-05-2017, 11:15 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:11 AM)neurotibotical Wrote:  
(27-05-2017 11:00 AM)Aliza Wrote:  I’m assuming that you came to an atheist forum to get advice because you wanted objective viewpoints that aren’t colored by religious doctrine. I think I can do that. My advice is to ditch the woman (which I understand that you’ve already done). -Not because she’s married or that monogamy should be celebrated and "cheaters" should be demonized, but rather simply because it doesn’t seem like she's got anything to offer you.

I don’t see what’s wrong with consenting adults engaging in a little extra marital affair, provided that the key word consenting is satisfied for all parties involved. If she had been prepared to introduce you to her husband and make formal arrangements to engage in an affair that had clearly defined parameters, and you felt and expressed that you were emotionally capable and willing to engage in that kind of relationship, then I don't see that as being inappropriate. Your work situation shouldn’t be an issue if neither of you is a direct supervisor of the other, and if you disclose the relationship to HR.

If she’s unaware that you’ve been diagnosed with ASD, then she might not have been properly evaluating your reaction in context to her sexual advances. She might have excused certain behaviors as just being quirky or eccentric (or shy, as you said). It sounds like you weren't as wooed by her advances as you may have thought you were at first because you were able to put an effective end to the matter.

My reply post is practically moot at this point given that you've already handled the situation, but if you decide to change your mind, invite her to introduce you to her husband before you proceed. That shouldn’t be a problem in a legit arrangement.

I don't like the idea of open relationships. It irks me. Unfortunately, I let lonliness and hormones temporarily blind me.

Update: The woman in question didn't show up for work today. She texted me a bizarre suicide letter. I can't tell if this is her way of luring me back or if I should notify someone. To be honest, I'm afraid to notify anyone because I don't want our hidden "affair" to be public, but I also don't want to risk letting her kill herself (assuming she really is suicidal).

This is becoming a bizarre soap opera. What can I do?

Call the police and let them know about the letter.

Better to be safe.

I would guess she is playing games with you, which only proves that you don't need her in your life. But still call the authorities...either way, she needs help of some sort.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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27-05-2017, 11:23 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:15 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(27-05-2017 11:11 AM)neurotibotical Wrote:  I don't like the idea of open relationships. It irks me. Unfortunately, I let lonliness and hormones temporarily blind me.

Update: The woman in question didn't show up for work today. She texted me a bizarre suicide letter. I can't tell if this is her way of luring me back or if I should notify someone. To be honest, I'm afraid to notify anyone because I don't want our hidden "affair" to be public, but I also don't want to risk letting her kill herself (assuming she really is suicidal).

This is becoming a bizarre soap opera. What can I do?

Call the police and let them know about the letter.

Better to be safe.

I would guess she is playing games with you, which only proves that you don't need her in your life. But still call the authorities...either way, she needs help of some sort.

I don't think I can. It's so hard for me to hold a job. I finally have long-term employment with a decent salary. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't think I can risk it.

I'll just send her a text message asking her to think this through.

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27-05-2017, 11:25 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:23 AM)neurotibotical Wrote:  
(27-05-2017 11:15 AM)Anjele Wrote:  Call the police and let them know about the letter.

Better to be safe.

I would guess she is playing games with you, which only proves that you don't need her in your life. But still call the authorities...either way, she needs help of some sort.

I don't think I can. It's so hard for me to hold a job. I finally have long-term employment with a decent salary. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't think I can risk it.

I'll just send her a text message asking her to think this through.

If you contact here then you are keeping this going.

Call the authorities. You have the email to prove why you did what you did. The people at work will be able to see the games she is playing with you if it is, in fact, a ploy.

Do not respond to her.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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27-05-2017, 11:36 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:25 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(27-05-2017 11:23 AM)neurotibotical Wrote:  I don't think I can. It's so hard for me to hold a job. I finally have long-term employment with a decent salary. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't think I can risk it.

I'll just send her a text message asking her to think this through.

If you contact here then you are keeping this going.

Call the authorities. You have the email to prove why you did what you did. The people at work will be able to see the games she is playing with you if it is, in fact, a ploy.

Do not respond to her.

I just got a message from her. Here's what she wrote:


***michael. stop acting like a boy meet me at the mcdonalds or else ull be very fucking sorry. rich will take my side and ull be VERY sorry what i do***


Rich is our boss. Maybe she's been flirting with him too? Is she threatening my job? I'm really confused here.

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27-05-2017, 11:38 AM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:36 AM)neurotibotical Wrote:  
(27-05-2017 11:25 AM)Anjele Wrote:  If you contact here then you are keeping this going.

Call the authorities. You have the email to prove why you did what you did. The people at work will be able to see the games she is playing with you if it is, in fact, a ploy.

Do not respond to her.

I just got a message from her. Here's what she wrote:


***michael. stop acting like a boy meet me at the mcdonalds or else ull be very fucking sorry. rich will take my side and ull be VERY sorry what i do***


Rich is our boss. Maybe she's been flirting with him too? Is she threatening my job? I'm really confused here.

So you show this to Rich, to HR, to whoever you have to show it too.

She is threatening you.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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27-05-2017, 12:25 PM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 11:38 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(27-05-2017 11:36 AM)neurotibotical Wrote:  I just got a message from her. Here's what she wrote:


***michael. stop acting like a boy meet me at the mcdonalds or else ull be very fucking sorry. rich will take my side and ull be VERY sorry what i do***


Rich is our boss. Maybe she's been flirting with him too? Is she threatening my job? I'm really confused here.

So you show this to Rich, to HR, to whoever you have to show it too.

She is threatening you.

Okay. So here's what happened:

I called Rich. He told me that I'm being ridiculous. He even seemed to doubt everything I told him. When I showed him the text message, he dismissed it and said he would look into it. A few minutes later, she texted me to tell me that Rich had called her to ask if I was harassing her.

Now what? I work at a small business. We don't have any sort of HR. The only person higher than Rich is the actual owner, who's occupied with family matters in another state.

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27-05-2017, 12:29 PM
RE: In love with married coworker
You called him and showed him the text.

Do you mean you called him and sent him the text?

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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27-05-2017, 12:31 PM
RE: In love with married coworker
(27-05-2017 12:29 PM)Anjele Wrote:  You called him and showed him the text.

Do you mean you called him and sent him the text?

I called him, then sent him the text she had sent me. He replied that he would look into it.

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27-05-2017, 12:33 PM
RE: In love with married coworker
Now her husband is parked outside my apartment.

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