In need of advice
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11-09-2017, 10:58 AM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 06:17 AM)Hannah1710 Wrote:  I'm not sure if this is the right section for this but here goes.

So I'm an atheist and always have been (apart from a little dabble in my teens when I joined the church choir, but that was more for the singing than the religion)
Anyway I'm married to a believer, he's from Texas, I'm British. So far our differences when it comes to religion have not been a problem, until now.
We currently live in the UK and my husband is currently interviewing for jobs in thr US, specifically TX and SC.
The other day he decided to drop the bombshell and told me "you know when we move to the US, we'll be in the south so you'll have to believe"
I told him that I do not believe and that he knew that about me from the beginning, he answered with "you will, I do, so you will"

You can see my predicament.
I'm not in the business of offending people or causing unnecessary conflict so of course I am not planning to land in "the south" and start yelling about being an atheist. I'm a live and let live kind of girl. However, i do object to being told what to believe/think. I don't want to cause problems for my husband with his family by being "godless" (my brother in law is a pastor. I know, it just keeps getting better)
I'm genuinely worried about this. I know what christians can be like towards those who choose science over religion and I don't want to put myself in a situation where I have left my family and friends 6000 miles away, only to be hated by everyone in my new home for not believing.
I refuse to be anything other than myself. I honestly don't know what to do.
Your thoughts are much appreciated. X


Dreadful! Your husband is treating you with too little respect or concern. In all seriousness I would address that with him now in therapy if the relationship has other dimensions that justify the effort. Otherwise do not follow him into the bible belt hell hole he wishes to share with you (well technically not you yourself, but the you he intends you to portray). I would be very, very angry with him.

“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”

― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle
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11-09-2017, 11:27 AM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 10:58 AM)whateverist Wrote:  
(11-09-2017 06:17 AM)Hannah1710 Wrote:  I'm not sure if this is the right section for this but here goes.

So I'm an atheist and always have been (apart from a little dabble in my teens when I joined the church choir, but that was more for the singing than the religion)
Anyway I'm married to a believer, he's from Texas, I'm British. So far our differences when it comes to religion have not been a problem, until now.
We currently live in the UK and my husband is currently interviewing for jobs in thr US, specifically TX and SC.
The other day he decided to drop the bombshell and told me "you know when we move to the US, we'll be in the south so you'll have to believe"
I told him that I do not believe and that he knew that about me from the beginning, he answered with "you will, I do, so you will"

You can see my predicament.
I'm not in the business of offending people or causing unnecessary conflict so of course I am not planning to land in "the south" and start yelling about being an atheist. I'm a live and let live kind of girl. However, i do object to being told what to believe/think. I don't want to cause problems for my husband with his family by being "godless" (my brother in law is a pastor. I know, it just keeps getting better)
I'm genuinely worried about this. I know what christians can be like towards those who choose science over religion and I don't want to put myself in a situation where I have left my family and friends 6000 miles away, only to be hated by everyone in my new home for not believing.
I refuse to be anything other than myself. I honestly don't know what to do.
Your thoughts are much appreciated. X


Dreadful! Your husband is treating you with too little respect or concern. In all seriousness I would address that with him now in therapy if the relationship has other dimensions that justify the effort. Otherwise do not follow him into the bible belt hell hole he wishes to share with you (well technically not you yourself, but the you he intends you to portray). I would be very, very angry with him.

I'm kind of flip flopping between anger and absolute horror at the thought of how my life could potentially be should I find myself up Jesus creek without a paddle
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11-09-2017, 11:31 AM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 11:27 AM)Hannah1710 Wrote:  I'm kind of flip flopping between anger and absolute horror at the thought of how my life could potentially be should I find myself up Jesus creek without a paddle

Is there any way to stay in the UK and avoid this source of conflict altogether?
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11-09-2017, 11:41 AM
RE: In need of advice
Quote:I think for the most part I could cope with Houston.

Obviously, being poor sucks anywhere but ending up on the wrong side of the poverty line in Houston would... Houston ain't the place you wanna be if you go broke

I'm just saying, while we're in the advice corner, I wouldn't relocate to Houston without a solid plan and a job lined up.
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11-09-2017, 11:54 AM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 11:31 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  
(11-09-2017 11:27 AM)Hannah1710 Wrote:  I'm kind of flip flopping between anger and absolute horror at the thought of how my life could potentially be should I find myself up Jesus creek without a paddle

Is there any way to stay in the UK and avoid this source of conflict altogether?

When my wife and I moved from Japan, I came first and got a job and a place to stay. Being apart was hard but overall it was worth it. Less pressure on me with only my own ass on the line, and better for her knowing I had a pad and an income.
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11-09-2017, 11:58 AM
RE: In need of advice
Is that the first time he has ever “laid down the law” with you?

If this is a recurring pattern your relationship is already on rocky grounds. If this is the first time ever then confirm he was either serious or joking. If serious then you need to reconsider packing...period.

Good luck.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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11-09-2017, 03:17 PM
RE: In need of advice
He has never ever spoken to me like that before. We've been together 5 years, married for 18 months
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11-09-2017, 05:19 PM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 06:38 AM)Reltzik Wrote:  This probably would go better in the Personal Issues and Support forum (where theists can't troll up your thread trying to convert you or denounce you for unbelief, like they will here, all the *glares*).

Excuse me?

When have I done that? I've been here for two years. When have I trolled this forum? When have a tried to convert a single person?
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11-09-2017, 05:44 PM (This post was last modified: 11-09-2017 06:04 PM by Thumpalumpacus.)
RE: In need of advice
You can tell him that this Texan lives openly as an atheist with absolutely zero problems from the many believers here. Like you, I'm live-and-let-live, but if the topic of faith comes up I don't not and will not wear a mask ... and it isn't needed.

(11-09-2017 09:26 AM)Astreja Wrote:  This scenario is troubling on many levels.

If he's joking about you having to believe, it simply isn't funny.

If he's serious, this is a major red flag and personally I'd be weighing my options (including separation and divorce).

In either case, if he gets one of these jobs you may find yourself isolated on another continent with no family, friends or other social supports to draw upon. Do you have a close friend or family member you can discuss this with?

This post is very apt. The story of a British ex-girlfriend of mine who moved here after marrying her husband is too personal for me to relay here without her approval -- and preferably in her own words not mine. But it definitely sounds like she could convey much more insight than I could. She went through hell before their divorce became finalized.

I'll see if she feels up to it, Hannah, if you'll give me permission to relink your post to her.
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11-09-2017, 06:00 PM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 11:31 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  
(11-09-2017 11:27 AM)Hannah1710 Wrote:  I'm kind of flip flopping between anger and absolute horror at the thought of how my life could potentially be should I find myself up Jesus creek without a paddle

Is there any way to stay in the UK and avoid this source of conflict altogether?

She could commit a crime. US won't let her in with a criminal record. Make the asshole choose.

#sigh
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