In need of advice
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12-09-2017, 07:54 AM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 07:14 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  If he is more concerned with appearances than your continued honesty, he's got some serious problems.

My advice - and not easy to hear -

He needs an ultimatum. Either he loves who he married, for who she is, or he can go back to looking for his perfect partner....

You're not a " do it yourself" project that needs fixing. You didn't come with the label " some assembly required".

People who get married to someone with the intention of " fixing them" are delusional control freaks.

I wish I had the ability to "like" this post at least half a dozen times.

I live in the south. With a husband who still considers himself a believer but he has gradually transitioned into a place where he believes there is a higher power, but does not believe in the nonsense that the bible spouts and is loudly opposed to fundamental christianity. Even so, it's hard at times. He would prefer that my atheism remain a secret. It's too late for that in some places, but my father will go to his grave without knowing. And my brother, the South Carolina Baptist Deacon, I just pretty much ignore him. At some point down the road I will be honest with him, but not while my father is living.

South Carolina is not going to be easy. Not gonna kid you on that. But as long as your husband can accept you politely telling people who invite you to their church "Thank you for thinking of me but I have other plans," then can probably do okay. Just remember, many of the people around you will see it as their mission to get you to join THEIR church. And tithe to THEIR church.

Here in Tinytown we were pressured HARD from both sides to choose between the Methodist and Baptist Church. THAT'S the hard and fast decision that will badger you, even door to door. Just continue to say politely "Thank you for thinking of me, but I have other plans." Nothing else. Whatever you do, don't let them in your house.

Good luck. As others have said here, main thing is to get it straight with your husband what your true expectations are of one another and what you will each accept and refuse to accept.

If you cave and start going to church to appease him you will likely lose self respect and they will badger you all the more for your membership, time and money.

Best of luck. There's a reason they call us the bible belt. I call it the bible girdle.

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." Robin Williams
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12-09-2017, 05:22 PM
RE: In need of advice
(11-09-2017 10:39 AM)Hannah1710 Wrote:  I'm not sure if he was joking. If he was, like you say, it's not bloody funny.

I have spent lots of time in the US and have family in CA ( the best coast heehee!). We have talked often about a move and I've always been comfortable with the idea until this whole stupid religion thing came up.

I think for the most part I could cope with Houston. South Carolina may be too conservative for me though, coming from a very liberal background (my parents are wonderful hippie types who never spanked us and let us choose our beliefs and form our opinions, my siblings and I turned out just fine!)
I'm not sure how well a liberal Brit with 2 gay siblings (i told you it keeps getting better!) would go down in SC.

I'm definitely going to talk with him some more about this. I very much appreciate all of your input though. Thought I would ask some people that may have a bit more experience with it than me!!

His comment could've been a joke, in which case you say "fuck that", and you both have a laugh about it.

If not, well, he needs to grow some balls, and be willing to acknowledge to others that his wife isn't a believer.

I am member of a Unitarian Universalist church, which seems less threatening to fundies than saying "I'm an atheist", which they see as some sort of "god-hating" philosophy. Of course, I am an atheist, as are half the people in that denomination. But, at least I don't have to say it Smile
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13-09-2017, 06:10 PM
RE: In need of advice
(12-09-2017 05:51 AM)BikerDude Wrote:  Tell him you agree to live in Austin Texas.
That won't be such a stretch.
It's basically San Fran with cowboy hats.
Very liberal. You'll feel right at home. cowboy hats either but otherwise yes.

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14-09-2017, 02:09 PM
RE: In need of advice
I can only echo Thoreauvian's comment above.

It seems that (from what I can gather) this decision to move to the US is totally at the behest of your husband—with apparently little input from you regarding such a major shift.
What about your family, friends, and job prospects that you'll be leaving behind?

And I just don't understand the religion "thing" he has going. Are you absolutely certain he's not joking?

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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