In the beginning. . .
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13-04-2016, 07:36 AM
In the beginning. . .
Hello! I have been listening to Seth while at work for about two weeks now. I'm a janitor, and the podcasts are great to pass the time. Sometimes I forget I am working--I go into auto-pilot and get really into the topics at hand.

I'm fairly new to being a more active atheist. I think I've been an atheist in denial for many years. I wanted to believe in God. I thought all my problems would be solved if I would just be a faithful Christian.

Over the past couple of years, I have been recovering from childhood sexual abuse. The memories have just begun to reappear and I have thought about it a lot. Then I heard someone talk about the adult that just sat and watched another adult molest a kid, and how that adult was morally repugnant. If the second adult were God, we're told he is just "mysterious," or worse, "God uses sins to achieve wonderful things." At that moment, I realized that if God did exist, he didn't care and just watched it all happen. The easier answer was that God cannot care--God does not exist.

For a short time, I thought I could be "culturally Christian," living the ritual and idealizing the "concept" of God. "What's the harm in a concept?," I thought. Turns out, a lot. We all could write a book, I'm sure.

About a month ago, I finally said it out loud to myself: "I'm an atheist." I haven't really come out to anyone, except I have begun to talk about my lack in belief to my husband. He leans more agnostic that I call a "hoper," he likes to hope that some wonderful God or higher power out there exists. I think he's also "hedging his bets," afraid that denying God could be bad if God actually exists.

This process is really similar to coming out as gay. I first accepted it, then said it out loud, and slowly shared it. Except, I have discovered that atheism is less acceptable than being gay. I once believed being gay was the worst persecution in our time. Boy, was I wrong!

My landlord is deeply religious and we live month-to-month in this apartment. I suppose we could move on 30-days' notice, but I love the place and they let us have a dog. I'm afraid if I were to come out as atheist that he would boot us, and that the month-to-month lease would be enough for him to excuse the discrimination if I filed a complaint. So, for right now, this is my community.

Thanks for reading my spiel.
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13-04-2016, 08:22 AM
RE: In the beginning. . .
Welcome.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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13-04-2016, 08:30 AM
RE: In the beginning. . .
Don't despair, you will find like minded people now that you are looking for them. When you were still trying to participate in the christian community they "flew under your radar" . Now you are aware of what to look for.
Welcome to the forums.
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13-04-2016, 08:41 AM
RE: In the beginning. . .
I'm sorry you had to go through that in your childhood. Welcome to the site.
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13-04-2016, 08:44 AM
RE: In the beginning. . .
Welcome and hugs to you.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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