Insecurity
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27-05-2016, 11:53 PM
Insecurity
I don't even know how to write this, because I'm not really sure why I'm writing. I've been spending a lot of time reading the forums lately, and I'm always really interested in what's going on. I want to post more and join in conversations but I've been struggling with feeling like I'm going to be in the way or out of place or something. Basically, I just feel like I don't belong, but I really, really want to. I can't really explain it, I'll try to respond to something but then get scared that I sound stupid and delete what I've typed before posting it. I know that if I want to be a part of everything here I have to be active and make myself a part of it.
I guess what I'm saying is that everyone here comes off as so smart and great that I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself by showing how ignorant and inexperienced I am in comparison. I suspect a lot of this is my depression trying to make me feel shitty, since from what I've seen, this community isn't one to belittle those who try to honestly engage and be a part of it. I suppose I'm just looking for some encouragement or something. Feel free to disregard this if you want, I know it must seem an awful lot like attention seeking. But if anybody has any resources that they think would be helpful, or can share any similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. Thanks guys.
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28-05-2016, 12:01 AM
RE: Insecurity
(27-05-2016 11:53 PM)debna27 Wrote:  I don't even know how to write this, because I'm not really sure why I'm writing. I've been spending a lot of time reading the forums lately, and I'm always really interested in what's going on. I want to post more and join in conversations but I've been struggling with feeling like I'm going to be in the way or out of place or something. Basically, I just feel like I don't belong, but I really, really want to. I can't really explain it, I'll try to respond to something but then get scared that I sound stupid and delete what I've typed before posting it. I know that if I want to be a part of everything here I have to be active and make myself a part of it.
I guess what I'm saying is that everyone here comes off as so smart and great that I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself by showing how ignorant and inexperienced I am in comparison. I suspect a lot of this is my depression trying to make me feel shitty, since from what I've seen, this community isn't one to belittle those who try to honestly engage and be a part of it. I suppose I'm just looking for some encouragement or something. Feel free to disregard this if you want, I know it must seem an awful lot like attention seeking. But if anybody has any resources that they think would be helpful, or can share any similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. Thanks guys.

Stick to sections that don't see a lot of debate like the coffeehouse or the movie section etc. That's what I do because I feel the same way. I grew up without religion so I don't have any experience and am useless in those sections. You can still be active and contribute without feeling like you don't belong.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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28-05-2016, 06:28 AM
RE: Insecurity
Find a topic or a couple of people you feel you can relate to and start there...then you will start interacting with others and the circle will grow.

Just find a place to start. You'll be fine. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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28-05-2016, 06:35 AM
RE: Insecurity
Hug

Thumbsup
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28-05-2016, 08:07 AM
RE: Insecurity
(27-05-2016 11:53 PM)debna27 Wrote:  ...
I'll try to respond to something but then get scared that I sound stupid and delete what I've typed before posting it.
...

This made me chuckle.

If you knew how often I delete before posting. Oh boy!

It's not fear of sounding stupid ... it's thinking, "How will Morondog rip me to shreds over this actually stupid I'm writing?"

(27-05-2016 11:53 PM)debna27 Wrote:  ...
I guess what I'm saying is that everyone here comes off as so smart and great that I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself by showing how ignorant and inexperienced I am in comparison.
...

Smart? Here? Pah!

I can think of only maybe two people who have never confused it's for its or your for you're and I ain't one of those two.

I learn something new everyday from any/all people here. Smart or not smart is irrelevant. Different perspectives are what makes this place valuable.

(27-05-2016 11:53 PM)debna27 Wrote:  ...
I suspect a lot of this is my depression trying to make me feel shitty, since from what I've seen, this community isn't one to belittle those who try to honestly engage and be a part of it.
...

I can't agree with you on this. There's lots of belittlement here. Sometimes malicious but mostly in jest.

It's like a house party: a new guest enters and starts telling you and your group of friends what you think or what you are supposed to think and guess what ... they are belittled with a cold shoulder or perhaps asked to leave if they start groping the hostess.

Or they might hold back waiting to be invited to join a conversation. If that doesn't happen, perhaps they leave early. Zero points for effort.

You've made your entrance to the party already. Join the drunk philosophers in the kitchen or the extroverts on the dance floor (careful not to trip over Girlyman).

(27-05-2016 11:53 PM)debna27 Wrote:  ...
I know that if I want to be a part of everything here I have to be active and make myself a part of it.

Beer or wine? We have both.

But only the cheap stuff.

Tongue

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28-05-2016, 08:19 AM
RE: Insecurity
There's nothing wrong in posting with care. Before you delete, ask yourself what your main point is. Edit to say just what you mean. If you still aren't sure you should post, save it and wait a while. You may feel better after you think it over.

This took about an hour of editing. It started out four times as long. Wink
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28-05-2016, 08:32 AM
RE: Insecurity
I like your posts. They seem sincere and well thought out. Please post more. This place needs some class.

You aren't ignorant. Ignorance doesn't even consider that it might not know something. Too stoopid to know how stoopid it is.

You are inexperienced. So is everybody! Revel in the wonder of new experiences. The only people who think they know it all are the truly ignorant.

Everybody here is just people, and some fairly odd people at that. You couldn't be out of place if you were wearing a duck on your head. Seriously, we have flat-Earthers.

Don't let the insecurity and perfectionism win. Press "Post Reply".

And remember, nothing you can say will ever beat the time that I wandered into an atheist-creationist discussion and proposed a compromise.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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28-05-2016, 08:57 AM
RE: Insecurity
You should post more often, Debna. I've never seen anything from you that wasn't thoughtful.
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28-05-2016, 09:48 AM
RE: Insecurity
(28-05-2016 08:19 AM)I Am Wrote:  There's nothing wrong in posting with care. Before you delete, ask yourself what your main point is. Edit to say just what you mean. If you still aren't sure you should post, save it and wait a while. You may feel better after you think it over.

This took about an hour of editing. It started out four times as long. Wink

Good advice Smile the only apprehension I have is that if I wait too long, the thread will start to go in a totally different direction and I'll miss out on making my point (that happens to me quite a bit when I'm at work and I don't have time to fully type out my thoughts). I suppose that isn't the end of the world though.

Also I honestly can't tell if you're kidding at the end or not, but either way it made me laugh so thank you Thumbsup
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28-05-2016, 10:20 AM
RE: Insecurity
(27-05-2016 11:53 PM)debna27 Wrote:  I don't even know how to write this, because I'm not really sure why I'm writing. I've been spending a lot of time reading the forums lately, and I'm always really interested in what's going on. I want to post more and join in conversations but I've been struggling with feeling like I'm going to be in the way or out of place or something. Basically, I just feel like I don't belong, but I really, really want to. I can't really explain it, I'll try to respond to something but then get scared that I sound stupid and delete what I've typed before posting it. I know that if I want to be a part of everything here I have to be active and make myself a part of it.
I guess what I'm saying is that everyone here comes off as so smart and great that I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself by showing how ignorant and inexperienced I am in comparison. I suspect a lot of this is my depression trying to make me feel shitty, since from what I've seen, this community isn't one to belittle those who try to honestly engage and be a part of it. I suppose I'm just looking for some encouragement or something. Feel free to disregard this if you want, I know it must seem an awful lot like attention seeking. But if anybody has any resources that they think would be helpful, or can share any similar experiences, I would really appreciate it. Thanks guys.

Jdog is correct on the statement of staying clear of sections that you feel much for. I don't visit the "middle" section of the forum much at all, too many trolls and walls of text.

What will help you feel like you belong is to try get to know forum members better, perhaps on a personal level. Start talking with somebody you think you share a lot ideas with (much like real life I guess); send them a PM and start chatting from there. There used to be thread where people posted their skype address and people added eachother left and right, but that stuff is probably buried by now, or removed. Regardless, when you start making real friends via this forum, it changes the way you look at the place, guaranteed. Over the last 3 years I have gotten to know dozens of folks via TTA, and I can say that I consider over ten of them friends, several of them best friends. There's more than enough folks here that would enjoy having some chats with you on Skype or other messaging programs, ask around.

[Image: 20cad83ad8d757191e2878b0f4bf05a9.png]
"Don't answer that. A rhetorical question."
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