Interfaith dating
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02-06-2014, 03:18 PM
Interfaith dating
So one of my best buds, a well read and spoken atheist was seeing a conservative christian young lady.

Two nights ago she broke it off because she worried about the future like raising kids non religiously.

Now I know there is/are podcasts on relationships like this, I just can't seem to find it. I really want to send it to him/them. Does anyone know the specific podcast?

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02-06-2014, 09:09 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
Thread moved from Personal Issues & Support due to this being a general (rather than personal) question.

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02-06-2014, 09:10 PM (This post was last modified: 02-06-2014 09:14 PM by DLJ.)
RE: Interfaith dating
Just for clarification...

Are you after info about saving the relationship or about raising kids in a mixed marriage?

Or both?

Unsure

Maybe there is something in the Resource Library?

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02-06-2014, 09:21 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
You'll be lucky to find one girl named "Faith" these days, much less a few to date among. I would worry too much about it.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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02-06-2014, 09:39 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
(02-06-2014 09:21 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  You'll be lucky to find one girl named "Faith" these days, much less a few to date among. I would worry too much about it.

For bloody good reason too! Who the hell murders a man studying Vulcans anyway? Just plain rude.
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02-06-2014, 09:39 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
Here you go
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/podcas...a-believer
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02-06-2014, 10:12 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
(02-06-2014 09:10 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Just for clarification...

Are you after info about saving the relationship or about raising kids in a mixed marriage?

Or both?

Unsure

Maybe there is something in the Resource Library?

I was looking for some info to share with them. Thought podcast form would be great.

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02-06-2014, 10:22 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
[fundyhat]

Whether or not they would expect him to remain alone (celibate) for the rest of his life would depend on their theology concerning reasons for divorce and also on the reason he and his wife are no longer together. The more conservative the church, the more likely they are to believe he is to be married to either his wife or to NOBODY unless the reason for divorce is adultery. Some fundy churches don't even give her the option of divorcing for abuse.

If not divorcing for the approved reasons, yes they will often say he needs to either find a way to reconcile with his wife or remain alone. And yes, forever.

As for the other family leaving the church:
It's probably a statement against the church and particularly its leadership for allowing sin to go unchecked. This would mean that the church leadership is not doing its job and/or is corrupt and/or is accepting of sin which should instead be condemned and dealt with per Matthew 18. If that man who left sees it this way, he is probably both making a statement and also removing his family from a potentially spiritually dead or disobedient church, thus spiritually protecting his family.

[/fundyhat]

A lot goes into it. I am kicked out myself for having left my husband for abuse and other things.

A person very dear to me was badly hurt through a misunderstanding and miscommunication. For this, I am sorry, and he knows it. That said, any blaming me for malicious intent is for the birds. I will not wear some scarlet letter, I will not be anybody's whipping girl, and I will not lurk in silence.
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02-06-2014, 10:48 PM
RE: Interfaith dating
Maybe this isn't what you or your friend want to hear, but it's real and it's me so here it is:

A few years ago I met a wonderful lady through a dating site. She was almost perfect, considerably out of my league. But she was (and still is) Mormon. We hit it off right away, even before the religion talks started up. When I found out she was Mormon I was genuinely surprised; I live in Utah, neck-deep in Mormons and not a one of them was even close to as cool as this lady. I was already hooked, even though I was very sure we had no future.ttgg

But she assured me that she was OK dating an atheist. I asked her point blank if she could ever marry an atheist IF our relationship got to that point and she said that she could marry an atheist if he was Mr. Right.

We talked A FREAKING LOT about religion. She never once tried to convert me and I never once tried to deconvert her - we both respected and cared about each other enough to not play those kinds of head games. And we talked A FREAKING LOT about our future together. She assured me that our religious differences would not stop us from being happy together and she was so smart and so cool and so un-Mormon-ish that I believed her.

She was more open-minded than any Mormon I've ever met. She believed that evolution was a tool from god, and Genesis was just a metaphor for big bangs, abiogenesis and evolution. She believed that all religions were just different ways of saying the same thing and all those less-correct religions were just stepping stones to finding her heavenly father through the Mormon religion, so in essence, there are no wrong religions, just different viewpoints on the same basic idea, all of which comes from god.

For example, her first husband was a Hindu who had converted to Mormonism but his entire family was still Hindu. They had a son and this lady, now divorced, took her son to Hindu temples to learn the religion of his family and never once criticized any of it, even encouraged him to decide if he wanted to be Hindu like his father's family or Mormon like his mother's. And she never really pressured him to pick one over the other. How cool (and how un-Christian) is that?

We fell in love, got engaged, and everything was going great. I loved her so much. I know she loved me too.

Then, three weeks before the wedding, she called it off. Over religion. She finally realized (caved in to peer pressure from her church, her friends, and her family) that she couldn't be happy marrying an atheist and knowing in her heart that we would be together only for a few decades then separated forever for all of eternity.

As cool and open-minded as she was, she couldn't get over the big, awful, fact that we were never going to see eye-to-eye about religion, god, and the afterlife. She couldn't handle it.

I was crushed, for a while. But I soon came to realize that she did me a huge favor. That was going to be hard, watching her pray at every meal and at bedtime and in the morning and whenever else she needed to, all the while thinking my wife had an imaginary friend that she loved just as much as, maybe even more than, me. It would have been misery watching all of her friends and family and church members constantly pressure her to convert me or to leave me (to save herself) - that was already happening and I hated it for causing her so much stress.

Marriages are hard. Very hard. More than half of them (at least in the US) end badly. How can any two people deal with that AND deal with all that extra stress of different religions?

I think she did us both a huge favor.

Long story short:

I think your friend's Christian girlfriend did him a huge favor too. Maybe they weren't talking marriage yet, but it was a relationship and they were at least thinking about a future with kids, so they were headed that way, eventually, and it would have probably been disastrous (and if they weren't, then they were never much more than friends, maybe friends with benefits, and they can still be that, right?)

So, maybe you want to educate them with coping strategies, How-To videos that might educate them to be able to live happily ever after despite this big huge religious difference.

But I disagree. They're probably much better off, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Side note: I know that some people pull this off. A few people manage to have happy marriages with people of different faiths. Usually it's two different religions. Rarely it's religion and atheism. But it happens. Some people win the lottery. That doesn't make it a good idea to put your life savings into lottery tickets, and it doesn't make it a good idea to put your life's future into an almost-certainly-doomed relationship.

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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03-06-2014, 12:06 AM
RE: Interfaith dating
Inter-faith/nofaith relationships are maybe ok, but when you add conservative (in terms of religion) to it then that is nearly impossible.

Hope you find what you're looking for for your friend.
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