Internet addiction
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30-08-2017, 11:20 PM
Internet addiction
I am seriously addicted to the internet. To researching stuff, and to downloading YouTube lectures. I have hundreds of lectures on USB sticks. Yet I have to keep downloading new ones.

I had a friend who got kicked out of the library and banned from every coffee shop in my city because he would download terabytes of TV shows and wrestling and movies he would never even try to watch. I never ever thought that I could be like him.

I download about 280 gigs of lectures a month. If I put this much energy into actual schooling I probably would have had a doctorate by now. I cut myself off the internet 3 days ago and it feels like I quit a hard drug cold turkey. I am super sensitive and jittery and explode at the slightest aggravation. Yes, I realize that I am on the internet right now but it is on my phone and I cannot download to it. I bought a humanist e-book on Kindle but my years of watching lectures has made it hard for me to actually read an actual book. Help. I am in serious fucking pain.

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31-08-2017, 12:31 AM
RE: Internet addiction
Watch some of the ones you've downloaded? It seems a bit weird to have a compulsion to download but not to watch. I'm no shrink, but it sounds like you're venturing into OCD territory there. Suggest see a psychologist if you don't succeed in breaking the habit yourself.

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31-08-2017, 03:03 AM (This post was last modified: 31-08-2017 03:06 AM by Oaken.)
RE: Internet addiction
It started off years ago with binge downloading TV episodes and short documentaries to get me through weekends since I did not have cable TV. But after a while, as my thirst for knowledge grew I literally could not stomach watching TV shows because they were so formulaic and then it became me getting turned off to certain genres of movies because they followed the same structure and were predictable. Then it became me downloading and watching and rewatching every Louie Theroux episode. Then I discovered Bart Ehrman and found myself sometimes up till Dawn watching debate after debate after debate. Then I would find myself spending three day weekends not even going outside because I was watching lectures.

I think part of it is because my only stab at Higher Learning was a stint in a very legalistic Bible School.... and almost no one in my world thinks as deeply as I do. And because of that I found myself withdrawing from community and just living in front of the computer screen.

Furthering my pain was the discovery that some pretty unintelligent people I know had just received their doctorates in Ministry. I am actually quite shocked that getting a doctorate in Ministry seems to be something that the most suspect preachers tend to chase after.

I think the myriad lectures I have collected stem from feeling disconnected with my actual outside world. And I think the key for me is to develop a non digital way of expressing what I've learned.

I think that over time my brain got a drug rush from all of this and that just like in an unhealthy way that some people can use Church to replace sex or real relationships, I think that I have been compensating and substituting in an unhealthy way. I would joke with people and tell them that lectures are my porn. That I couldn't go a day without watching them. Ironically enough, I think that it is affecting me as deeply as someone might experience a porn addiction.

In my former friend's case, he got so bad that he was walking around with a duffel bag filled with 10 external hard drives and looking for open WiFi signals to connect to. I remember the night that his hard drive crashed. He looked like someone who had lost a child and he couldn't function for the rest of the week. And he just downloads seasons of Doctor Who, and 80s TV shows.

I think the secret is to learn to live in the real world. Lectures are certainly good, but not if they are cutting me off from real community or making me actually feel ostracized because no one in my community can understand what I talk about. I guess the answer is to find more intelligent Community with real human beings instead of becoming addicted listening to intelligent, successful people. Really, I have nothing to freaking show for all the stuff that I have learned! And I think that pain just makes me want to withdrawal even more.

However, OCD was mentioned in Morondog's comment, so I should state that one of my older brothers has pretty clear OCD Behavior.

Thank you, Morondog for your comment.

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31-08-2017, 06:12 AM
RE: Internet addiction
Yeah.
Same for me.
For an addictive / ADD personality it is crack.
The whole "surfing" thing.
One thought leading to another.
Little hit after hit of satisfaction.
It embodies everything that is by it's nature addictive.
I don't really download stuff
But I consume random information endlessly.
And youtube videos. Of lectures usually. We share that.

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31-08-2017, 06:14 AM
RE: Internet addiction
Thanks Bikerdude.

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31-08-2017, 06:31 AM
RE: Internet addiction
(31-08-2017 06:14 AM)Oaken Wrote:  Thanks Bikerdude.

No sweat.
That was easy.

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31-08-2017, 06:59 AM
RE: Internet addiction
(30-08-2017 11:20 PM)Oaken Wrote:  I am seriously addicted to the internet. To researching stuff, and to downloading YouTube lectures. I have hundreds of lectures on USB sticks. Yet I have to keep downloading new ones.

I don't understand the compulsion to download. Doesn't almost all of that material remain available on the internet regardless? You could save yourself the time and trouble by just watching things when you have the time. Stop trying to own the internet. That's an impossibility. In fact, the internet makes ownership (in the old sense of the word) largely irrelevant.
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31-08-2017, 07:01 AM
RE: Internet addiction
Many people collect stuff.

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31-08-2017, 07:08 AM (This post was last modified: 31-08-2017 07:12 AM by Thoreauvian.)
RE: Internet addiction
(31-08-2017 07:01 AM)Banjo Wrote:  Many people collect stuff.

Tell me about it ! My wife has a collection of collections: stamps, coins, books, electronics, games, t-shirts, CDs, DVDs (she counted them the other day and told me we own over 600 DVDs).

She even owns more than 50 squirrel dolls !

Hobo
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31-08-2017, 07:31 AM
RE: Internet addiction
The downloading looks more like hoarding than collecting - or which is it? You should know....

Hoarding is said to be a reaction to lack of control over what course your life takes. You feel like you are stashing stuff that will help if your life gets further out of control, and there is all kinds of rationale built around it.

Going to see a pro is easiest in most cases, this is fixable. If you are indeed hoarding lectures (people hoard all kinds of stuff that isn't obvious, by the way), it'll be a lot easier to deal with than if you were hoarding newspapers, for example. You don't have to face a completely changed environment, you don't have a house packed full of lectures, So that's a good thing.

I would definitely go see someone who can help me figure out if this is indeed hoarding, and if so, what the cause is. You need to attack the cause, not the symptom.

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