Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
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10-01-2015, 09:39 AM (This post was last modified: 10-01-2015 09:44 AM by DLJ.)
Tongue Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to introduce myself.

I'm 37 yr-old raised in a fundamental (extremely oppressing) version of christianity, but also a very loving home. It's a wonder I'm not more eff'd up Sadcryface

The short end of my story: My church was more like a cult with me basically believing that if I even moved out of my home town I would miss the rapture. I remember thinking I wouldn't even make it to 16 and all I wanted to do was learn how to drive! I knew I would never have the chance to get married and have kids. God wouldn't hold out that long from sounding that trumpet and splitting the eastern skies. ( I'm pissed at the way I was raised. I'm pissed at the oppression that church caused and is still causing. I'm pissed because of how paranoid and depressed it made me and several others who came out of it that I still stay in contact with.)

Luckily enough I was able to get away enough to attend a liberal college and get a good degree. Few people escaped, however I still made the hour long trip back home every weekend for church. My connection was the worship and I had been on the worship team since about 16 years old.

During college and up until 24 years old I led worship week in and week out. At one point I "backslid" and actually pulled away from the church completely. After two years I started attending another church. I missed the community of people and playing music. I got involved in P&W at that church and met my wife.

We moved out of that town eventually (where our jobs took us) and ended up in a moderate size church of about 1500 people where I started leading worship. Eventually after 4 years some heavy sh*t went down that left us completely broken we moved on to where we are currently at (again I am on the worship team but not leading, just playing guitar) this time for a church of about 6,000 people. Oddly enough our pastor taught a sermon series in the beginning of 2012 about struggling with doubt and that it was okay to doubt. I had never heard this before, this was cray talk...doubting God? The almighty who was and is and is to come, who made all things and hath placed all things under his feet? As a fundamentalist I had believed every word the bible had said. But this series opened up a pandora's box for me.

Because of this I realized that I couldn't defend my faith for the life of me and I set out, for a full year, studying apologetics and taking as many online courses as I could. Oddly, through this my sense of reasoning began to strengthen. 20-25 books and countless hours of podcasts, youtube videos, debates and two years later I have arrived to where I am at today.

Deep in my mind I don't think I believe anymore, but I am going kicking and screaming (as Bart Ehrman says). I can't say I know there isn't a god but it really doesn't seem likely to me. I guess I would consider myself at best an agnostic and at worst a believer who is extremely skeptic with copious doubts. There are too many issues that, when studied in depth, start pulling belief down like a house of cards.

My current struggle is with my family and is making waves. My wife, who is a true blue believer, doesn't know what to think and is scared out of her mind for our marriage, our kids etc. I constantly remind her that I am not changing, the substance that makes up my body and who I am is still the same. It's just my beliefs that seem to be waning. She doesn't understand this and feels that I am personally attacking her.

I still choose to shower her with love everyday. So I am probably in the place that many people are in or have been in. I need a support system and I'm sure I'm not going to find what I need at our church. Luckily enough my closest friends who are Christians have said they will be by my side no matter what my decision and that means the world to me. But I know there are others that will not go so quietly.

This is my life. Real facts. Real me.

Thanks for listening!
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10-01-2015, 09:46 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Wow!

Thanks for sharing.

You may well have come to the right place. I hope so.

Welcome.

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10-01-2015, 09:51 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Welcome!

Lots of good people here, many who have experienced, or are experiencing, similar things.

Sit down, get comfy, and join in. You will find people from all over the world and from all backgrounds religiously. And a few whackos, but they tend to offer either comic relief or an outlet for venting.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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10-01-2015, 10:17 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
welcome to TTA.

first know that there is a personal issues section to post problems where it is moderated to keep the assholes out.

second- there are a few people here married to believers, some happily, some not, some divorced because of it.

I would strive to reach a point of ' everyone has a right to make their own choices' (freedom of conscience) with your wife rather than arguing points of the bible being true or not. It sounds like you are, just keep reassuring her that you are still the same person she married.

As far as your children, I direct everyone to Dale MGowan's youtube clip from the Free OK event. It runs about 45 min but seems to go fast because he is a good speaker and theres some laughs in it.

Looking forward to seeing more of your posts.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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10-01-2015, 10:24 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Thanks bows and arrows... Dale's book In Faith and In Doubt is high on my reading list. I'll check out the YouTube bit. He also had some great interviews on several podcasts that I heard. Appreciate the reference!!
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10-01-2015, 10:36 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
(10-01-2015 10:17 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  ... moderated to keep the assholes out.

You rang?

Welcome to the nut-house, n00b.

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10-01-2015, 10:45 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Welcome.

If there is anything I or others here can help you with, please feel free to ask. Many of us here are very well versed in religious theology and its history, and we can perhaps help you to understand your beliefs in such a way as to educate you in why you and your family have them.

Bart Ehrman is someone I have spoken to a few times in real life, along with a few other scholars. He's a good man.

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10-01-2015, 11:25 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Welcome to our community. Odd but your journey resonates with me. I struggled a lot with my (dis)belief.

Family can be the hardest part -- but this place can welcome harbor in stormy seas.

Oh and you can say shit as much as you wish, along with the other seven words.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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10-01-2015, 11:31 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
some days I think the posts here sound like this.






and if you arent familiar with Tim Minchin, he is NSFW or young tender ears.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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10-01-2015, 11:45 AM
RE: Intro: I stand at the door and knock...
Welcome! Big Grin

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
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