Irritating friends that act like parents
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23-08-2014, 12:37 AM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
Friends who respect you as a person, who can fully respect your emotions and your state of well being won't ask you to choose who you want to be friends with. I learned that a while ago. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is tell people that. There's been some occasions where I've had friends who went through a divorce and asked if I would "choose sides" so to speak and I had to tell them, "I'm sorry but I've been best friends with both of you for x years. I'm not going to just start burning bridges because you have issues with the way they handle things."

Likewise so it goes with friends in general. Someone shouldn't be coming to you and saying, "You have to promise me that you will disregard all emotional attachment to someone you have a valued relationship with because of my selfish attachment and lack of ability to cope with people who are still attached to them." That is pretty much it in a nutshell.

This is your life, they are your choices and your emotions and friendships. If you feel like you want to be friends with someone, be their friend. If you feel like you need to sever ties because you are unhappy and feel like it is not productive then do so. Living a life of being miserable and attached to people is not a fun life to live, especially if you have to hide things, tell little white lies, cover your tracks and walk on eggshells. That's not a healthy friendship or relationship.

A good relationship is based on trust, understanding, compromise, communication, honesty, and allowing the other to be themselves. Friendships are also important in this way. Consider the above to be a foundation of pillars. Many structures can still stay up if a few are missing, but when you feel like people are knocking down a bunch of them and you're unhappy all the time... sometimes it's fine to admit that the foundation is faulty for that friendship/relationship and it's best to leave it and go find another.

Friends come and go. Good friends are hard to find. But if you feel like someone is asking you to sever ties with someone you consider a good friend, that person is likely not a good friend Wink If that makes sense.

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23-08-2014, 01:41 AM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
If Jack is that unstable I don't know if confronting him point blank would be wise. Is there a chance he could become violent?
Maybe your own safety should be a consideration in your decision. If he was unstable enough to be let go by the Marines, who's to say he won't snap?
Maybe slowly easing yourself from all contact with him would be a wise move.
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23-08-2014, 01:42 AM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
(23-08-2014 01:41 AM)pablo Wrote:  If Jack is that unstable I don't know if confronting him point blank would be wise. Is there a chance he could become violent?
Maybe your own safety should be a consideration in your decision. If he was unstable enough to be let go by the Marines, who's to say he won't snap?
Maybe slowly easing yourself from all contact with him would be a wise move.

That is a very valid and good point.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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23-08-2014, 05:43 AM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
Do what Miso does.

1) Do away with friends.
2) Pour a tall glass of ice-cold beer.
3) ???
4) Profit.

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23-08-2014, 12:09 PM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
(23-08-2014 01:41 AM)pablo Wrote:  If Jack is that unstable I don't know if confronting him point blank would be wise. Is there a chance he could become violent?
Maybe your own safety should be a consideration in your decision. If he was unstable enough to be let go by the Marines, who's to say he won't snap?
Maybe slowly easing yourself from all contact with him would be a wise move.

Jack's stability is teeter-tottering between violent and breakdowns. He'd be more capable of injuring himself, because he's been capable of such in the past.

I wish easing away from either of these people were easy or possible. Right now, on top of being emotionally attached to both of them because I've been friend with them both for about 3-5 years, I'm very dependent on both of them as well (interacting within the same group of friends, transportation to and from college, etc.) so it wouldn't be wise of me to let either of the go due to the circumstances...

(23-08-2014 05:43 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  Do what Miso does.

1) Do away with friends.
2) Pour a tall glass of ice-cold beer.
3) ???
4) Profit.

Beer is gross and tastes like piss. Rum is nice though.
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23-08-2014, 12:14 PM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
(15-08-2014 06:21 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Friends shouldn't make you choose who your other friends are.

Agree 100% with this.
Anyone who DEMANDS x y z of you is not a true friend.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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23-08-2014, 12:19 PM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
(23-08-2014 12:14 PM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(15-08-2014 06:21 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Friends shouldn't make you choose who your other friends are.

Agree 100% with this.
Anyone who DEMANDS x y z of you is not a true friend.

Well, I feel like I should add a little more detail. Not only has Jill screwed over Jack, Jill and I have had some fall outs of our own. It is because of these fall outs that Jack feels as if my friendship with Jill is parasitic to me, she will hurt me, cause trouble for me, etc. Jack basically feels like his ultimatums are beneficial to me.

However, he's yet to realize that I'm just a really forgiving person and I try to see what's good in people, thus explaining why Jill and I have gotten over our fall outs.
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23-08-2014, 12:23 PM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
(23-08-2014 12:19 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(23-08-2014 12:14 PM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Agree 100% with this.
Anyone who DEMANDS x y z of you is not a true friend.

Well, I feel like I should add a little more detail. Not only has Jill screwed over Jack, Jill and I have had some fall outs of our own. It is because of these fall outs that Jack feels as if my friendship with Jill is parasitic to me, she will hurt me, cause trouble for me, etc. Jack basically feels like his ultimatums are beneficial to me.

However, he's yet to realize that I'm just a really forgiving person and I try to see what's good in people, thus explaining why Jill and I have gotten over our fall outs.

Knowing a bit more of the backstory I think Jack is right (partially) Jill is a user and will continue to be such as long as you enable her. The best course of action is to walk away from both situations as neither is a healthy relationship.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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23-08-2014, 12:41 PM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
If I were you, I wouldn't hide your friendship with Jill...

If Jack takes issue, you need to tell him straight that you're not prepared to end a long term friendship because they had a relationship go tits up... Flat refuse to be dragged into the center of their arguments.

Make it clear that what went on between the two of them is their problem and not yours.

It never really works when friends start a relationship... If it ends badly you can never really go back to being just friends.

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23-08-2014, 02:34 PM
RE: Irritating friends that act like parents
Find ways to end your dependence on both of them ASAP. If you don't *need* something from them- a ride to class or work- then they cannot hold power over you.

You aren't standing up because they have something you want. Find a way to get that want fulfilled by another method - a bus, a bike, a different person- you will then be on equal footing in the relationship.

Hopefully then you will realize that neither Jack nor Jill offer true friendship.


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